i am here

ahem i said

ahem

air is dry 

throat sore, scratchy

breathing in my own stink

too long

the dust on my tongue that

forms into paste on the way into my

empty stomach

makes it hard to

think breathe speak breathe laugh be exist breathe

but hey

i am making do

meals slide under the door and

yes

i eat

yes

i dig through the dinner rolls

stir the soup

cut the meat

looking for

well

something, i guess

a message

a ticker tape fortune cookie phrase

"good things come to those who

wait."

"friends surround you, good times are

coming."

"hang in there, kid."

maybe that's asking too much

it's enough that i am fed

but dust is bad company, i have learned

conversation isn't exactly

well

sparkling

i can only tell the same jokes to myself

so many times

before the laughter becomes

forced

the smiles

hurt

and i wonder if they can hear me

through these thin walls

wondering if they think

what a loon

sad sack, basket case, lost cause

i've always been a good listener

against the pillow, i hear my blood

pumping through my ears

a steady

thump thump

thump thump thump thump

thump thump thump thump thump thump

that, i'll be honest here,

drives me

UP THE F*****G WALL

to the ceiling that doesn't

bend break give

i can look for a way out but

well

there isn't one

believe me, man, i've tried

punched kicked begged

it won't give before i do

but i've got nothing for it

what i have is me

is me

is me

is here

with me

nothing for it but to

wait

and hope for the best

that's what i've learned here

chin up, kid

look forward

and keep telling yourself

i am here.