Starlight Dancing

Villanelle

  

    Starlight Dancing

At night, when raging waves of day turn dead, 

my darling rests her head upon my chest ... 

she sleeps with starlight dancing in her head. 

 

When luminous moonlight shines, it is said 

that such a glow can bring one's soul to rest, 

at night, when raging waves of day turn dead. 

 

Rough winds, they wake my daughter from her bed 

to doze in comfort 'pon her mother's breasts ... 

she sleeps with starlight dancing in her head. 

 

My mind dwells not in dreams of sleep, instead 

it calmly ponders 'pon each thought repressed 

at night, when raging waves of day turn dead. 

 

My heart relieved from carrying life's lead 

as Lady Luna lies upon her crest ... 

she sleeps with starlight dancing in her head. 

 

I see the glist'ning stars, their bright light shed, 

all while my daughter snuggles in her nest. 

At night, when raging waves of day turn dead, 

she sleeps with starlight dancing in her head.

Author's Note

The Villanelle is undoubtedly one of the most highly structured and complex forms of traditional poetry. When written well, the repetition fits the natural flow of ideas. Did it do so in this piece? Please leave an honest review. Constructive criticism is welcomed and encouraged.

This was inspired by the poem "My Darling Turns to Poetry at Night" by Anthony Lawrence. It's the most beautiful Villanelle I've ever read: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poems/detail/89008

Reviews

[TerryDarcy-Ryan akaSh..]

Mr. Liston, this piece read itself to me the words soft and comforting. Peaceful rhythm joined the narrater moving with perfect ques. It ended to soon, I enjoyed this brief moment of peace and the belief that all was right in the world. Beautiful, Poetry. Thank you

Sheer Terror

[William Liston]

Thank you for your kind words.
I'm glad you enjoyed.

[Raven Moonchild]

(wipes away tears) I've never read a poem like this. This is absolutely breathtaking.

[William Liston]

Thank you, Raven. Glad you enjoyed.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

This is a really nice Villanelle indeed. There is a calm in your words here that the reader can feel while reading this piece.

In the last stanza, I found the line here:
'all while my daughter snuggles in her nest.
the 'all while' in here seemed somewhat forced to me... other than that it was a beautiful read. Well penned, William. '

[William Liston]

Thank you for your kind words.
I'll look in to the line you pointed out.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

You're welcome. :)

[emipoemi]

Nice villanelle! I find them so intriguing, however, have only managed to write two of them thus far. But yours is fantastic!! The first line of the second stanza is missing a syllable, but the poem is otherwise profoundly poetic, and dreamlike. ¡Bravo!

[William Liston]

Thank you for your constructive review. As for the line you pointed out, I changed the word "lustrous" to "luminous" (which has three syllables instead of two) to fulfill the syllable count.
Thanks again for your helpful, encouraging words.

[L.C. Jarrette]

wow very beautiful...it seemed very effortless and calming..nice work william!

[William Liston]

Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed.

[L.C. Jarrette]

yes i did, very much...

[Kelly Scheppers]

Will, I have never attempted this form, but you truly make it appear effortless and so worthwhile. Your verses are so connected, like a continuous thread running all the way through...and the accommodating photo is just as lovely as the presence of starlight. Like Maria below me said in her review, there is a lull to this, wanting to drift into the night... and sleep.

Bravo, dear Will!

[William Liston]

Thank you for your compliments, Kelly.
I'm really glad to know that this piece feels connected and has a lull to it.
Glad you enjoyed!

[Quinn W]

I have never seen this type of poem before, that I know of at least. It was absolutely beautiful. When I read the poem, the words flowed perfectly. I had images in my mind the entire time. I loved the repetition and the words that were spelled differently than usual. I think that brings a lot of character to a poem.

[William Liston]

Thank you for your uplifting review, Quinn. I'm glad the "unusually spelled words" brought character to the piece. That's something I rarely do, but I did it in this case to keep the syllable count and flow uniform throughout ... glad that didn't interfere with the readability. Thanks again.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

I love the Villanelle, the Terzanelle, and the Terza Rima, all very much alike and highly structured. The fluidity is seamless, as smooth as a river in spring.

[William Liston]

I'd never heard of those two forms until now, so thank you for mentioning them ... I just looked them up and may try them next.
As of now, my favorite form is the Kyrielle. I typically write them for therapeutic release.

Thank you for your kind words, Linda. Glad you enjoyed.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

I did a trilogy of these three forms with: Night Blossoms Black, In The Black, and Blood is the Rose. They are so close to one another but different and very fun to write. I look forward to your foray through the other two.

[William Liston]

Have you posted them? If so, do you mind sending me the links?

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

View my writing, Tab 9, all three are posted one after the other. Not the best of my writing but they are here.

[William Liston]

Thank you very much! By the way, I perfectly understand how one's older works can be a little deficit of quality, that is, in comparision to one's more recent works. Just yesterday, I read through some of my older pieces ... let's just say I've improved a lot since last year ; )

[Maria]

I got the feel of going back and forth, through day and night, and the repetitive parts actually soothed my own soul, and I felt a lull sense of wanting to drift into the night and sleep as never before.
Loved this truly. Very soothing, and soft and gentle.

[William Liston]

I'm glad this poem could have such an effect on you, Maria.
Thank you for your kind words.

[Maria]

Sure thing. Plus am fighting off a cold and read ing this helped me relax some.

[William Liston]

Really glad it could. I hope you get well soon!