The Bicycle Lady!

Self-explanatory

By Stanley Collymore

I rather innocently and perhaps a
tad naively too, clearly thought
that the localized term “The  
Bicycle Lady”, as I perceived it applied
to your next-door neighbour, did quite
affectionately essentially, refer to her
cycling habits and ambitions, and as
well decidedly too relatively entailed
her physical exertions simply in that
specific direction of hers; bearing in
mind the very generally, well known
and similarly especially widespread
calamitous and actually worsening
situation of the burgeoning obesity
clearly rather prevalent throughout  
the entire United Kingdom. Simply,  
an undoubted state of affairs, that
significantly, and rather injuriously
too, very naturally literally impacts
firmly, on our general population’s
basic health and also additionally
psychological well-being, and not
just that of women and also men,
but markedly irrefutably and very
much so likewise young children.

And so I thought, what a sterling and
an absolutely, rather commendable
example this simply extraordinary
and particularly, basically local woman
was committedly and too, exuberantly
setting to everyone, specifically in her
community and crucially beyond. Yet,
despite what she was so essentially,
committedly and effectively, happily
doing, discernibly other than mostly
predominantly men there was quite
noticeably and likewise notably not
the same significant uptake also by
the other women of precisely what
this woman was quite distinctively,
and evidently fervently doing; well
at least not that blatantly so, from
my uniquely and clearly particular
understanding or of any personal
interpretation of this very literally,
ongoing situation, which actually
as I bluntly deduced it could only
actually be honestly and publicly
described effectively and clearly
personally and likewise logically
speaking very relative to myself,
as at best, specifically middling.

What I didn’t know however, and
most evidently and essentially
effectively and literally didn’t
realize was, that what was basically
happening, rather outwardly, at any
rate, and significantly categorically
and publicly too was a categorical
and fervently, crucially engineered
and likewise, patently concertedly
orchestrated; a specifically totally
blatant, morally dishonest, but as
well quite obviously decipherable
so in this distinctly clear process
of it happening a thoroughly self-
serving endeavour effectively for
their crucial financial but equally
too candidly sexual gratification
distinctively worked out as well!  

Undoubtedly a most thoroughly 

thought out and an effectively 

likewise well-planned public 

deception. Since for these people the 

true concept of bicycle riding, clearly 

had nothing whatsoever at all, to do

with having the basically numerous 

pounds of human blabber crucially 

accumulated on them now literally 

quite sensibly, meticulously trying 

through earnest physical exercise 

to get rid of it, but instead literally 

and surreptitiously only engaging 

in everything possible, hence this 

canny euphemism of this bicycle 

riding to basically simply acquire 

what they were singularly clearly 

and discernibly specifically after. 

(C) Stanley V. Collymore 

27 February 2027. 

Author's Remarks: 

A euphemism or not significant numbers of females of all ages and backgrounds have profited hugely from being bicycle riding ladies; and irrefutably and likewise incontestably the most single-mindedly in this most pleasurable and aptly financially committed and requisite pursuit requisite to themselves have not uncommonly gone on too to magnificently and splendorously crown their bicycling activities! 

Author's Note

As per all my previous intructions.