Just A Message

This is quite literally just a message I wrote for my SO. I'm interested in hearing ways I can refine it or just general comments about how it reads.

I feel as though my heart beats to the rhythm of your voice. That the winds push me to where you are. Every moment passed without you near is a fragment of life that hadn't met it's true potential. I find myself lost in the wealth of your beauty each time my eyes set or my mind wanders. Its indescribable how existence intesifies all of its flavor once your presence is shared with mine. There's little in life that could even hope to rival the true nirvana I wind up to when you're the one turning the key. I haven't known a passion as strong, a bond as unbreakable, or a unity as intertwined as ours feels. I can confidently say that there will never come a time where that truth will either be unspoken or undone. Over the moon, head over heels, to be under your spell; these loose terms can only vaguely express the raw sense of being I find myself in when it comes to you. I struggle to accurately state exactly what this drive is. It's as if I find you to be the only other person in the world, at times. That my gaze was meant for you and you alone. I apologize if this seems long winded or can be construed as "sounding like a broken record", but as long as you're the song that's playing; I'd listen until the world itself stopped turning. You're as enticing as you are unique. As invigorating as you are exciting. History, at large, is gifted with your existence and I'm of the lucky few able to share that time with you directly. You're a treasure. A diamond. A gem of finest polish. Amethyst in a canyon of fool's gold. I find an infinite amount of value in you and all that makes you who you are. I'll continue to for the remainder of my life. With no hint of hyperbole, you are the best part about every single day. You've brought me happiness beyond even my comprehension. You created a life for when I live for. A family that brings me such joy to be a member of. I could sing your praises till my voice goes hoarse. All in all, I appreciate you. So very much.

Author's Note

Give me your honest opinion. I've written many a message like this and would like to hear whatever anyone would have to say about it.

Reviews

[Alison Barker]

Hi Coloroko, this is my second attempt at a review. First one wouldn't type. This is such a personal and private poem that I am reluctant to review it. First, may I say that it is one of the most beautiful and romantic pieces of writing I've read!!! It is up there with the classics, I believe. My only negative critique would be that some of the sentences could use a clip [be shortened]. Eg's are: 1][ Sentence] ' Thee's little in life..[not so much clipped as doesn't quite make sense]. 2] You created a life for when I live for. [Doesn't make sense]. This was extremely difficult to review. this is because it is excellent!!! I was going to say that the first few sentences were perfectly written and then from every moment passed it is less succinct. However, on subsequent reads I changed my opinion. Almost the whole thing is perfectly written. As a writer I always want to find out how I can improve and I realise that I haven't done that. It comes across as honest and heartfelt. Frankly, if anyonewrote me something like this I wouldn't change a word. [Having said that, I was trying to find things wrong with it. Honest! Cheers, Alison Barker [Australia].

[Coloroko]

Hey Alison, sorry about the late reply. I've been busy with my son as well as traveling for work. I appreciate that you took the time to read what I wrote (several times to my understanding) and give me your honest opinion. To address the incorrect grammar I used; "There's little in life" and "You've created a life for which I live for". I also apologize for the lack of brevity in this work. I occasionally get a rush of motivation to write and it causes me to regularly retread ground. However, I originally intended for this to just be like any other sweet message that I compose for my SO. That being said I should have proofread more thoroughly before posting. Regardless, your input means a lot as this is my first time having anything I've wrote be posted on a website like this. On first impression I can see where my verbiage and structure (or lack thereof) can appear long-winded. On subsequent posts I will make a concerted effort to correct this. Thank you for taking the time to read into this, again. It means a lot to me. Hope things are going well for y'all down there in Aussie!