Beep beep

Beep beep

A Story by Louise

A short story about girls and their expectations.

It was five AM and she was looking at herself in the mirror. Not a lot had changed since yesterday. Her hair seemed a bit messier than it had seemed the other day, but that was about it. Her body looked the same as well. She could see her ribs through her skin. She could see her heart pounding inside her chest. It had taken her a long time to get to this point: 5 foot 5 and 50 kilograms made out her entire being. Now he could not possibly refuse.
She pulled her panties down a bit and noticed the shadow that her iliac crest cast. It was this specific look she had been going for. She could almost allow herself to smirk this time.
Turning her back to the mirror she clanced at her closet. What outfit to wear? She quickly decided on something girly and cute. There was nothing she could leave to chance. Not with this guy. 
Seven minutes later a floral pattern dress covered her ribs and iliac crest. Her blonde hair was tightened in a knot and the red paint on her finger nails was just beginning to dry. She waved her hands in the air six times, just like she had read on the internet, and was then ready to do her make-up.
Again she turned her front to the mirror, only this time she stood with her make-up kit in hand. Her dress was colorful enough on its own. This would require a brushed but natural look. She powdered her cheeks, straightening out the errors of her skin. She then put on an almost invisible line of eyeliner, a thin layer of mascara and finished this procedure with a beige eyeshadow. Her brown eyes reflected proudly in the mirror. If she was anything at all, she was a woman. A real woman. Just like he would want.
A red color rose to her cheeks as she turned around, still looking at herself in the mirror. Yes, this was a real woman. She was ready.
Her cellphone lay on the bed. She hadn't slept at all last night but that didn't matter. She had found out what she wanted to say to him.
"Do u want 2 go out w/ me?" she texted.
Now all he had to do was respond.

© 2012 Louise

Author's Note

Do point out anything you found good or bad in this one. I've been so uninspired lately and I want to get back on track.

My Review

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lmao... nice. Still just a little girl inside. Good write. I'd maybe lose the second iliac crest, it's too medical sounding to use twice in such a short space and stands out too much. Maybe just say swell of hips or something. And for the non-euro's, 110lbs. Anyway, enjoyed it!

Posted 11 Years Ago


11 Years Ago

Thanks for the response - I'll check into the thing you mentioned. It was one of the things that bot.. read more
The lines that got me thinking:
"5 foot 5 and 50 kilograms made out her entire being."
"She waved her hands in the air six times, just like she had read on the internet,"
"She powdered her cheeks, straightening out the errors of her skin..."

This is a girl that has a lot of issues and I loved that I could see it all unfold in just a getting ready scene. She should not need to be a certain weight for a guy. She consults the internet for make up tips (that was actually clever and funny).

I liked the arrangements of words; "straightening out the errors of her skin..."

There are a few errors but it did not take away from the story at all. I really would like to know though if he responded to her...Did he? lol

Posted 11 Years Ago

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2 Reviews
Added on July 30, 2012
Last Updated on October 4, 2012
Tags: in love, expectation, silly girl, low selfesteem




I'm Louise. Short prose is my preferred way of writing, though all lengths of stories appeal to me as reads. In elementary school I learned to love making stories up, in high school I learned to .. more..

About rain; About rain;

A Story by Louise