Journal- July 8,2009

     MMMM oatmeal!. Ok first to start things off i did not go get high today. When he finaly asked me if i wanted to i thought about it for a second. Whats the point? I mean really? Yeah u feel good for awhile but that wont make my problems go away. It wont  make the voices stop talking. In fact it may bring even more. I dont know fact is i didnt do it, im a very stubborn guy ( though many would say im not). So i denied his invitation and instead went out running. Running is awesome! I feel so alive!! Like i can fly! Nothing can stop me when i run. It seems like i can run forever. Run somewhere away from all this.  Home is where people think of you. But anyways im taking care of myself now , working out , running, eating healthy ( though nasty) foods! Oh and gained back 10lbs! Not fat of course. Well thing is i dont want to be all buff or anything like that im doing all of this because i NEED to. If i dont NOW bad things will happen later. I dont wanna end up like my mom. We started talking, shes been going on that shes not long for this world and stuff like that. We dont end up crying at the end of it all. She doesnt want to live if shes given the chance. She told me " When i die dont try to bring me back, i dont want to suffer anymore." I just noded , I dont tell her " its gonna be ok " or " your not gonna die mom" I dont give her false hope,she wouldnt want me to. Death is a part of life. The more you try to deny it the more it will hurt you in the end. I know i may sound like an a*****e for saying this but its true. She has disease that will kill her long before she is expected to. I know this and me and my mom, hell my whole family,have accepted this. In the end of our little talk i said " hell if your still gonna be a b***h i dont know why i would want you back". She laughed and smacked me with the spoon she was holding. We get along like that, no need for tears, Just smiles. lalalalalala! Banna bread oatmeal! good! nasty but good! GET IT!!!! 

                          Peace

                         Nick A

       P.S. GET THE OATMEAL!!!!

Reviews

[ruth]

hahaha.. u like oatmeal now.
and u sorta make a point with your mom.