Murderous Stare

Just a quick little thing I thought up where a bad guy can't give up a good girl

His eyes were giving a glare that was freezing my bones, like being nude in the middle of a hailstorm, where every chunk of ice was a frosted dagger cutting into my skin. The way his eyes squint when he glares at me reminds me of a pit viper's slit-like pupils. I gulp nervously. A burning animosity was developing in his amber orbs, and I can tell I am likely the root cause of the problem. "L-Logan...?" I say, my tone a mix of a whimper and a whisper.

He stalks towards me, hands fisted at his sides as he enters my house, closing the door behind him as he slowly moves closer to me. I move back as fast as I can at his pace. I feel that my eyes are wide as saucers with fear.

"I-I don't want any trouble..." I whimper, my voice cracking and tears welling my eyes as I feel fear and anxiety pooling deep in my stomach. Allix told me that Logan said before that he wouldn't mind hitting a girl if he thought it was necessary.

He's not going to hit me, is he? I've never had someone lay their hands on me like that. Not even a spanking from my dad before he died.

I gasp in shock and terror when my back hits the wall at the end of the hall, near the back door. Logan's hands slam next to my head, and I yelp in fear. The tears that had welled in my eyes fall in big heavy drops down my cheeks and drip down onto my chin. I'm shaking in horror and panic, and I'm trying to sob. His stare is just as angry and scary, but it softens slightly.

"So..." he says, his voice husky and low. "Raphael wasn't lying...you are scared of me, aren't you Lakota?"

"If you waltz into my house looking ready to murder me, then hell yeah I'm scared!" I say, full on crying now, slight sobs escaping me. I place my face in my hands. "Why won't you just leave me alone?!" I sob out.

"You're different," he says, shaking his head as he backs away from me. "I don't know how to explain it, but you are. And I know now that you are most definitely terrified of me, like everyone else, but I just can't bring myself to leave you alone. Even if you'd stop crying if I did...so sorry for that..."

Reviews

[matrixmark]

The first sentence was so descriptive, even though long it flowed so beautifully, and every word really counted toward the whole vivid image of a glaring stare. - I was blown away just by that sentence alone.
As I finally got past that sentence, you built up fear nicely and by giving the womans inner thoughts only added to the tension.

Change this....my cheeks and drip off my cheeks and chin.
To this..........my cheeks and drip down onto my chin.

Once again, you have created another stunning piece,and you say that you did this quickly - are you kidding me - ITWAS AWESOME.
That first sentence though....STUNNING.

Kudos to you for putting this brilliant piece of writing out there.

Mark.

[Mr.Writer]

Great story! As Mark said, I also thought that the first sentence was descriptive.
It hooked me really good!