This is America

This is America

By Kelly Brown

 

America is the Merriam-Webster dictionary that tells me the definition of America

To many, it's an indescribable feeling

Staying up all night crying for no real reason, writing poetry

America is self-indulgent.

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America is excited to grow up, so many future possibilities

Becoming pregnant because the condom broke that couple of nights

In grade eight

America is innocent.

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America is the songs my mother sings in the morning from that oldies radio station

It is guilt

From those impossible standards only the past generation can live up to

America is gazing white statues of Jesus.

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America is working on the weekends

Being trapped inside that room on sunny afternoons

A lifelong struggle for happiness

America is looking forward to that one-week vacation.

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America is the middle-aged housewife

Who cries herself to sleep at night

No one laying next to her to comfort her, to say it’s all gonna be alright

You know, the silently spoken I love you, silly

America is lonely.

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America is punching holes in the walls because the anger always seeps out

It is the bite marks on my skin

From the grade school kids who made fun of the fat kid and caused these tears

America is attempting suicide.

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America is the teenager who hates their skin because they don't fit in to that universal group

That one poor kid who can't crack the code

It is the mom who never knew they were unhappy

Who gave up on her child because she said he was crazy

America is misunderstood.

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America is unread books in the library

It is not knowing your purpose

Crying when you should be sleeping, studying nonsense words inside brick buildings

America is an uncertain future.

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America is old ladies in nursing homes who pee in bedpans

Their children, far away living with new families

And those young girls who change those bedpans

They can't afford shelter for the children they shouldn't have had

America is a vicious cycle.

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America is worshipping false gods

Taking Prozac and Xanax---substituting life for medicine

They are replacing me with them

America is insecure.

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America is the pain of youthful heartache

Unrequited love, broken hearts, those old teen diaries you know you kept in that secret drawer

The one your mom continually opened whenever you went off to school

America is mentored.

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America is peeing in cups in your bedroom so you don’t have to see your family

My mother's urine on the floor that I had to mop up with towels

From her not being able to walk herself to the bathroom

My screams, my tantrums, my unbridled sense of desire---independence

America is selfish.

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America is caller ID so you don’t answer calls from those who annoy you.

It is sticking to what you know

Knowing the only endpoint is death and rotting corpses and maggots and flowers on national holidays

America is jaded.

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America is Native Americans who don't agree with the Merriam-Webster's definition of America.

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America is being rejected because of your appearance

It is a diet book

The vomit in my sink

Those empty pizza boxes in my trunk that I hid when I was 17

America is superficial.

 

 

 

 

 

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