The demon

The demon

A Story by Crashbang
"

Sarah is ready for another mundane day at work, but she has no idea of the horror that is readying to strike her down...

"

A shadow in the dark. A spite of poisonous claws, living on the edge of sanity, plucking from logic and madness in its horrifying form. A creature, responsible for woe across all humans time.
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Sarah gets up for work behind the counter in WH smiths, walking her alley path through pleasant bushy lanes towards west London town. On the way she stops at a newsagents to pick up her red-top newspaper, something entertaining to read through the day. Splashed across the front page in block capitals are the words: Paedo-faliure
In smaller writing below it: Police incompetence allows a mass breakout.

It is there and then that the parasite begins to sink it's claws into her bones, chewing on her skull, infecting logical thought.
Sarah cannot feel it, but the parasite clings onto her back, a camouflaged entity, holding on so lightly that her only response is the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end. If you were ever to see it (for at most times, it is as visible as the air itself) it would have rotten, pearly white slits, which would be bulbous to the point of bursting. Its scales of shadowy dark are barbed hooks which rip and tear at the soul, as thorny vemoned claws probe and possess, slowly but surely. Its many forked tongue waits and waits for the perfect moment. It surveys all she sees, and waits very very quietly.

That perfect opportunity comes at precisely 11:52 am, the lunch break. Sarah reads her red letter front page story, a frown crossing her brow.
‘Police are desperately trying to clean up their own mess after FOURTY prisoners escaped from one of their jails in west London today… mostly paedophiles… known rapists and killers among the group...’
As the dragon begins to whisper, doubt and fear are born in her heart. Its slit-like eyes convulse in glee as its claws probe her gut and its forked tongue whispers fear in her ears. A few simple words as she scans customer shopping.
'Aren’t they staring at you strangely?...'
Sarah looks up. At the man who smiles at her, making her shiver. At the uncaring stares that make her feel small.
Inside her stomach the dragon’s claws twist.
--------------------

At the end of the day, Sarah leaves without talking to anyone.
It’s early winter and the darkness is closing in. 5’o clock and that bushy path is now full of traps. Think of how easy it would be to hide in there... the dragon whispers, and she listens. Their minds are becoming one. The many eyes it possesses stare in every direction, its claws probe into her mind, body and soul. She keeps a half eye on the bushes, freezes when a branch swishes in the wind. The bushes so pleasant that morning now rear up like monstrous man eating plants, Sarah's happiness turned to stone by the shadow things touch.

Beep beep.
A text.
The dragon pauses. A little happiness ignites in that beep beep. A friend that the vicious thing despises, more then anything else in the world.

She reads the text.
Hey baby girl. You wanna come out? We were going to get some food.
Meg xx

Unheard, the parasite screams. In its anger, its claws sink deeper.
Sarah looks around her. At the unpleasant path she now treads. She didn’t want to come back this way. Her friends lie back this way.
She texts back, with cold, shivering, fingers.

Soz, I have work to do.
She will never hear the things cackling gurgle of victory as it buries its claws deeper into her exposed, helpless mind. She will never know its cruel intentions. It’s going to make her all alone, with no-one to turn to. And then it will destroy her.
Sarah begins to walk the last few streets to her house. And immediately, she senses someone is following her.
It couldn’t be one of them. Not one of the escaped men from the jail. But then again...
She glances back quickly. Hooded in black, the man keeps pace with her as she speeds up
Her house is only two blocks away- she could make herself hot chocolate, go to sleep and forget about her terrible day.
But someone else appears in front of her. Same hood, same black clothing.
She crosses the road to get away from them, but the man in front of her crosses too, and Her worst fears are confirmed, she tries to run, the man grabs her arm with a claw-like hand, she opens her mouth to scream-

‘Sarah?’
Chris, one of Sarah’s friends, can see the dragon on her back, sense its intent, its camouflage blown away by him simply staring into Sarahs eyes fearful and awkward.
The dragon begins to convulse. It is in pain as Sarah breaks out into a weak smile, her first smile since she beamed at a newsagent boy behind the counter, buying the red letter newspaper.
‘Hi Chris.’ She is more relieved than she can tell.
The dragon is in its death throes. It's parasite claws are weakening, losing their hook-like grip.
Meanwhile, the man behind her turns down into his garden path, walking home to a loving family for late dinner. For a while, he was thinking that the woman in front of him thought he was stalking her.

‘Are you coming to the meal?’ Chris asks.
‘I wasn’t…going to…’
Sarah almost says no. The dragon, weakened, tries to dig its claws in, but they are blunted and weak. And Chris hold out a hand, raising one of his eyebrows as if to say as if you aren’t coming, its not the same without you. In fact, you ARE coming.
‘I…okay.’
Chris smiles warmly, as the dragon crumbles utterly dead into the wind.


 

 

© 2009 Crashbang


Author's Note

Crashbang
im trying to re-jig this one a bit. the two viewpoints are not something i want to lose, so im trying something with the italics. see what you think.

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Featured Review

This could be really good if you stuck to one viewpoint. The story is really too short for multiple perspectives. Here's a problem: "FOURTY" should be "FORTY", and I really don't understand why you need to capitalise so many words like you have. The point can be gotten across without visual 'shouting'. I found the story to be rather disjointed, though sticking to one viewpoint will help combat that. Typo: in "the man grabs her arm with an claw hand" you need "a" instead of "an".

That's all I could pick up. Thank you for the review of my story, and I hope this review helps your story be better. Ignore it if you feel the story is better than way it is, but at least consider what I have written :)

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

This could be really good if you stuck to one viewpoint. The story is really too short for multiple perspectives. Here's a problem: "FOURTY" should be "FORTY", and I really don't understand why you need to capitalise so many words like you have. The point can be gotten across without visual 'shouting'. I found the story to be rather disjointed, though sticking to one viewpoint will help combat that. Typo: in "the man grabs her arm with an claw hand" you need "a" instead of "an".

That's all I could pick up. Thank you for the review of my story, and I hope this review helps your story be better. Ignore it if you feel the story is better than way it is, but at least consider what I have written :)

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on December 6, 2009
Last Updated on December 9, 2009

Author

Crashbang
Crashbang

United Kingdom



About
Hi, my names Rob, and I am working towards being a writer, be it screen writing or novel writing. I always look to write originally, am always looking to improve. My writing is highly versatile - I ha.. more..

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