Lines in the Dust

Lines in the Dust

A Poem by OctoberDawn
"

We all share the same fate.

"
My hands lit by moonlight,
My lines traced by time.
Such follies I thought would no longer be mine.
Even glass can tell falsehoods,
when creases etch early.
This jaded mans life now becomes so very blurry.

God in the sky, save me from woe;
 the dust calls my name while my friends lie below.

My imperfections alight,
as the night brings me time.
Whiskey blessed words as my real-life is blind.
Even men can be heartless,
when loneliness calls.
God where do you hide, when my hopeless heart calls.

God in the sky, save me from woe;
 the dust calls my name while my friends lie below.

© 2012 OctoberDawn


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Wow! This is grand in virtually every way! "so very blurry" can dispense with the "so" and the musicality would flow smoother, and rhyming "calls" with itself is a tad odd.....one of them could be "falls" for instance, and it would still make sense (and it betters the poem). Apart from that, I love the structure, the refrain is killer, and you have a lot of juicy lines in this one. Well done!

Posted 2 Years Ago



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Added on November 26, 2012
Last Updated on November 26, 2012

Author

OctoberDawn
OctoberDawn

CO



About
My name is Criss Hill, I'm 20 and I'm from Colorado. I don't so much consciously write poetry as my heart takes control of my pen and urges me to capture a pale fragment of the beauty and heartbreak o.. more..

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