Hot Summer

traditional haiku

on a hot summer day
a praying mantis stands still ~
cemetery wall

Reviews

[Dr. Wood ?]

So you put it up here...It will be very greatly received I am certain...You have the gift

[Cristina Moldoveanu]

Thanks:)

[Marie]

This really invokes the image of summer.

[Cristina Moldoveanu]

maybe, the truth is that it would have been enough "on a hot day" without "summer" in the first line, it is an unnecessary word there, I wrote it like this to maintain the traditional structure 5-7-5, but in modern haiku it is accepted to write haiku with less than 17 syllables.

[Cristina Moldoveanu]

Haiku theories emphasize the need to get rid of unnecessary words, to make it short but complete.

[Cristina Moldoveanu]

and if you think about it without the word "summer" there you will see that it invokes something else.

[Marie]

That might be done...actually there are 6 syllables in the first line...

[Cristina Moldoveanu]

My other version, maybe better:
hot Assumption day --
a praying mantis stands still
read moreMy other version, maybe better:
hot Assumption day --
a praying mantis stands still
on the graveyard wall

[Cristina Moldoveanu]

Great many thanks Marie, I wrote non-traditional, free form haiku, for a long time and I forgot to count syllables correctly.