Breakdown

A Story by DFDTROUBLES

About a young man caught up in societies system

Breakdown

I will only make two mistakes in my life. My first mistake was more of a huge misunderstanding and me being a naive 20 year old man.

My family and I moved into our new apartment on my 24th birthday. The neighbors seemed friendly enough, but I am sure that will not last. We were forced out of our last apartment in the city. I thought I got along with the neighbors. We were in the city for almost a year when I started to notice that the neighbors stopped talking to us. They treated us differently, stared at me and walked the other way when they seen me. One Friday afternoon we were told by management that we needed to vacate the apartment immediately. We were no longer welcome there. We were used to this as it was the 5th time it had happened in the last three years. We packed our belongings and moved to a relatives house until we could find another apartment to live in.

To my family and friends I am a great person. I have a big heart and would do anything for them. When my friends need a shoulder to cry on I am there. I am a very good listener. I get to hear everyone’s problems. I laugh and cry just like everyone else. I have feelings and care for people. In the end does any of that matter though? I started college right after I graduated from high school. I wanted to be an engineer. I had a 3.0 GPA and things were looking good. College did not last long. I was forced to drop out and not by choice. I could go back again, but what’s the use? College will do no good for me.

Our new apartment is close to downtown. It is a very small town and everyone seems to know everyone. There are two main streets that go through the town. There is a small gas station, post office, McDonalds and a few other small scattered buildings. It has the normal “Welcome to” signs entering the town and the signs letting everyone know that this town, along with every other town in this country, is “Tree city USA”. Train tracks run right through the center of town. They do not run parallel or horizontal but diagonally through the town. Our apartment backs up to the tracks and the train is quite annoying when it goes by.

I get a lot of stares from people. I am a small guy only 120 pounds soak and wet. I have dark black hair like most other people of Mexican descent. My hair is short on the sides, a little longer on the top. My bangs go over my eyes and I have to brush the hair out of my eyes often. I look just like any other 24 year old. I would like to say I am used to people staring at me, but I don't think you ever get used to that. They don’t stare at me because I am small but rather because I am a witch. It is not hard to read what people are thinking. I can see the hatred in their eyes. What are their curiosities about me? I have nothing to hide. All they have to do is get to know me and not judge me.

I have to live with my family. I can’t find a job anywhere. The economy is terrible and people that are able to work can’t even find jobs, so what chance would a witch have? I have applied to several places and am always honest on the applications and in the interviews. No one is willing to hire me although most of them say they would love to have me work for them and wow you have great skills when can you join our team. I have no money for food, fun or anything else.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about the first mistake I made. It altered the rest of my life and not for the better. I was labeled a witch and bullied by the government. It affected me, my family and friends. I can understand how the witches felt in the witch hunts of Salem. It’s not much different with today’s society. The witch hunt is still on. They hunt me down, find me and terrorize me. Everyone seems to like me at first. I have a great personality, l love to talk and do the things that all 24 year old guys like to do. Then one day it all changes. I am the witch that they have been hunting. I am forced to move again.

There is no help for someone like me. There are no support groups, there is no one willing to take their time to give me advice, help me cope with life or find a job. I try not to stress and I tell myself that one day everything will be OK. I know that day will never come. My family and the few friends that I have, try to keep me positive and support me in anyway they can. I know I am a burden on them. How do they still love me? Do they still love me?

I went to a shrink the other week to talk about my problems. I was hoping that he could help in some way, depression, anxiety, the notion of pending doom, the list goes on. After the first session I felt a little better. I thought maybe there was hope. I scheduled another appointment for the next week and just before that session I received a call from the Doctors’ assistant and was told that I would not be seen anymore. This put me into a deep depression. Although they would not tell me why he could not see me, I knew why. Being a witch is not easy.

The trains that go by are mainly Amtrak and they fly. They have to be doing 70 MPH. When they pass the horns blast loudly whether it be 4pm or 4am. It often wakes me up in the middle of the night. Is it the law that tells them to do that or are they just trying to wake me up from a mostly sleepless night. Its hard for me to sleep at night and I will often just lay in bed all night and most of the mornings wasting my life away. I tried to make friends, but I figure what's the use? I can only take so much emotional pain. I tend to stick to my family and house. I try not to go out unless absolutely necessary.

I had heard a lot of talk about suicide prevention. Life will always get better. You are young and don’t know what good things that your future may hold. Well I knew what my future held, nothing. They often said it was a permanent solution to your temporary problems. Well, what if the problems are not temporary but are permanent? Then I guess it would be a permanent solution to a permanent problem. I often joked about calling a suicide hotline and would say, that after they heard my story they would just tell me to do it. I still did have a sense of humor. Maybe laughing is all I had left.

It was another restless night. I could not sleep at all. I do not drink or take drugs so I just laid there and thought and thought some more. I thought of my future or lack of. It was almost 4am and the train would obnoxiously go by very soon. I decided to go outside and get some fresh air. I walked behind the apartment, close to the tracks. I could hear the train coming, blasting the horn. I could hear the wheels on the tracks. It was a warm clear night and I could see the moon. It was not a full moon, Maybe three quarters? I walked near the tracks and picked up some rocks and threw them into the lake on the other side of the tracks. The horn was getting loud now. The train was maybe one mile from where I was standing.

My second mistake came when I was 24 years old. Although I don’t consider it a mistake my family and friends do. I made this decision not because I was depressed but because society would not give me a chance. I made this decision because my future was empty. My future consisted of being hunted and ridiculed. I made this decision because I was no longer allowed to dream no, longer allowed to have goals and no longer to have a life.

The train was now only a half mile away and traveling at its 70 MPH like it always does. It would pass me in less than 30 seconds. I was dressed in all black and purposely did that. I heard the horn for the very last time. I had found a permanent solution to my permanent problems.

To society I was just another witch prosecuted and sent to the gallows. The loss of a

witches life was celebrated by all except their family and friends. I hope that one day society

realizes that as much as it has changed it has really stayed the same.