Waiting to Live

Vicariously I laugh with glee

at the would be things that could be...

I could have fun just like them

I swear. There's no need to condemn

that I wasn't there.

That I didn't dare

to open up myself to this world

or to show my soul unfurled.

I rather like myself the way I am

staying up late into the A.M.

Watching and waiting for

something entertaining or

something to make me laugh.

I tell myself if only i'd find my half

of mind to fit the one that's lost

I'd have wit to stomach

the agoraphobic

nature of my entirely pent up lusts

and i'd get over it and finally commit to all of my shoulds and musts.

But until then I am a shut in

who will always be observing

the adventures and joys

of real girls and real boys.

Author's Note

Be constructive, very raw first draft.