Life over Death

Life over Death

A Story by Daniel Gardner
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A new book that will consist of one story line but written multiple way: short story, poem ect. Description: Something ominous learks around every corner of your mind but some things find ways out.

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Story 1

You see it in the distance, A mirage like figure,The Haze of the boiling sun gives this frighting creature its lure
You know you want to run, you need to run, but your legs feel like stones stuck to the floor. Its demonic eyes glowing brighter has it creeps ever closer. You mind screams for you to close your eyes and turn away but you can't no matter how hard you try. The grotesque being creeps ever closer seeming to slither but also hover. Your heart is racing, your shirt is drench your bowels seems to relinquish all resistance. You should be embarrassed but you know you won't live another night. You can see the metazoa clear as day now its face is dripping with decay. Its body clothed with tattered pieces of your past. Its teeth protruding, oozing ready for your bloody snack. It's legs seem weak and boil ridden. Pieces of skin falling to the ground as its legs rub together from its crooked stride. Its feet leave a blood smear behind it as it moves closer even though it is a float. You hear a whisper in your ear of a hoard of agonizing voices all saying "Run". You try to head the warnings and run away but your body is cold and frozen in place as if rigor mortis has already taken place. The animalia reaches its ominous hand out towards you. You can hear the bones breaking and cracking as it does. You finally scream out "what are you!" In fear as you close your eyes and turn away waiting for death to take you away from this nightmare. Suddenly the hoard of voices stop. A hot stale wind brushes against your cheek as you feel the creatures presences standing in front of you. You hear an unnerving popping noise and the agonizing stretching of dry skin as you get your answer. Through pain ridden words it rigidly states"ffffaattaa mmorgaaannaa..." Suddenly you feel nothing. No breath. no impending presence of doom and dread, nothing. You slowly open your eyes and turn your head expecting to see something that just the mere sight would kill you but you see noting but your familiar surroundings. You look around to see if you are missing something. All is well, you sigh a sound of relief and chuckle a bit. It was all an illusion a hallucination brought on by the new medicine you are taking. Suddenly you hear the voice again but more sinister from behind next to your ear. "!eeemiiiit fo dne eht ot emit fo dne eht ot emit fo dne eht oT .nis tsetaerg ruoy ma I .dnim ruoy etaretilbo sedisni ruoy tae lliw I emit fo dne eht lliT .erutuf dna .tneserp ,tsap ruoy ma I em epacse reven lliw uoy ,gninnigeb tsuj si lleh ,enim si luos ruoY" Then you feel nothing, see nothing, hear nothing but the dark silent world of death?

To Be Continued

© 2018 Daniel Gardner


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Alright a few notes:

First, you put this out there and that takes guts. A+ on that front.

Critique-wise, I think this story could definitely use some copy edits; all of ours can so I'm not really going to focus in on that so much.

Formatting-wise, space the paragraphs out next time. It sounds lazy, but it is tiresome for a reader to parse through this when it all runs together.

Content-wise, I know this is just the beginning, but I feel this could use some fleshing out. Horror is about slow, intense build-ups and then horrifying results. Don't be afraid to take a few chapters to really let the darkness of something sink in. You notice how Mr. King does his magic--he lets you feel the undertone of darkness in something that appears to be like a normal reality. Pet Sematary, Carrie, Christine, etc. The horror is there in the beginning since you don't want to bore your reader, but the creature is hardly ever revealed for what it truly is until you've given the reader to be shaking in their books and truly expecting what's coming--then shocking them with something they don't expect or really dressing up the fangs that they did expect.

Dialogue-wise, since the creature does speak, I'm not sure that backwards sentences work. Perhaps backwards words, but keep them in order--a reader might find it annoying to have to stop at the end of a sentence they have no understanding of to have to go back. The effect was kind of lost on me when it spoke that way. Perhaps have them speak garbled nonsense in description and have the actual dialogue filled with only a few decipherable words so that those stick out? That's just a suggestion.

Nonetheless, I am ever the fan of horror and all things dark and I think you have a nice start here in describing what it's like to be paralyzed by fear in the face of something terrible. Some work done to it and this could be really good!

Posted 1 Year Ago



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Added on July 8, 2018
Last Updated on July 8, 2018

Author

Daniel Gardner
Daniel Gardner

Monroe, GA



About
I'm an inspiring writer that has a million and ten thoughts running through his head all day. I joined this site because my wife inspired me to. I was not prepared for the thoughts to jump out so much.. more..

Writing