The Conversation Collections Vol. II "where-o-where has my little voice gone?"

Somebody Help me!...

I seem to have lost my voice!

I cant say for sure exactly when it went missing and I didn't even realize it was gone until I went to use it and just when I needed it I realized it wasn't there. I knew this to be true because only a person who has no voice would say that things are okay even when they are not and who seem to continually find themselves in situations where they let others do their talking for them. They turn into this shadowy rug thing and never speak out even when they are walked upon quite harshly they never cry out “stop it !!!...your hurting me!!!” Or... by the time they do manage to stand up for themselves... they are never taken very seriously because they have caved so many times in the past rendering even the smallest voice useless for it has no weight behind it... it simply doesn't count.

So I set out upon a journey to find my voice. Perhaps I gave it up to my children who seem to have no trouble in exercising their own voices...and I admire them deeply for it. My Children never say things just to be nice and it gives immense value to every compliment or opinion they express. and I long deeply for the ability to do this... I long to be like my son who speaks out for what he believes in even in the face of great scrutiny and ridicule cresting in the throngs of the unpopular opinion he raises his voice clear and strong and unyielding and his priceless words spark a guiding light for me "I may not have many friends” he says “but the ones I do have are for real and at the end of the day when I lay my head upon my pillow sleep will not elude me for I know I have been true to myself" Those coveted words are my declaration to a freedom unrealized. I write them down and fold the pages into origami gems and store them in my Tinderbox heart of hearts. 

So I decided that perhaps I would have better luck finding my voice if I could somehow pin-point where I had lost it. So I began to retrace my steps. And in doing so was quickly lead to the very heart of the matter I let my feelings be a road map into my past and discovered that with every compromised intention.. with every "Its- ok-when-its-really-not” I began to see that I felt like that still-small child who made an art out of looking the other way... who tried to dream herself elsewhere while things were being done to her small body against her will. But somehow still felt that it was all her fault because it took her almost 12 years to whisper those powerful words "Stop it...! your hurting me!" but still I came up hard against the fact that knowing when and where I lost my voice didn't magically restore it and no amount of coveted qualities and retraced steps could mend those severed vocal chords.

It seems I'm not any closer to finding it than I had been when I started and by the close of day my missing voice still remains at large.

(To Be Continued....)

 

~DannyLynne~

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