Its a Weird World - Part 2

A man falls into a fantasy world

Dan hefted his new sword in his hand. He still couldn’t quite get used to it. Maleina had assured him it was the finest craftsmanship, and he guessed he just had to take her word for it. The handle was blue, the blade steel and the length somewhere between two-handed and one-handed. At least for an ordinary person. Dan being not in the best shape, he had to use it two-handed if he was actually supposed to be able slash something seriously with it.

            He was sitting near a lake, looking over it. The setting sun reflected brilliantly in the still water. It reminded him he didn't have much time left there. Soon he had to go home. He was almost sorry. But only almost. They had been walking for hours. His feet ached. Maleina had told them there wasn't much further to go though. 

            His eyes travelled to the forbidding forest they were situated at the edge of. Somewhere inside there was the dreaded kelthos camp. Not that he had any idea what a kelthos was yet. The descriptions so far had been something like … the settins tall and evil cousins. 

            “Hey.” Ophelia sat down next to him, finishing up one-fourth of an orange. 

            “Hey.” 

            They sat there for a while. This was the last time they had to rest before they attacked the camp and found “some way” to rescue the prince. Not something Dan was looking forward too. He continuously wondered what in the world had possessed him to do this. Ophelia glanced at him. “Nervous?”

            “Nope.”

            Ophelia chuckled. “Of course you are.” Her face became more serious. “I am too. Kelthos are nothing funny.”

            “Where’s the gang?”

            “If by gang, you mean our “army” then they're still eating I think.” She looked at him with concern. “You didn't eat much, are you okay?”

            “To tell you the truth, I’d love a cigarette right about now.”

            “Huh?”

            Dan smiled sadly. The one that got lost when he came into the world had been his last one. “Nothing.”

            “Okay. Well,” Ophelia stood up and stretched her arms, “I think it's about time we got moving.”

            Nodding, Dan stood up as well. He headed towards the group of five people eating in a circle. By the looks of things, they were just finishing up. Maleina had already put her helmet back on and was standing up. As if to prove he was no lesser, Faran threw away his cold piece of chicken, and stood as well. Soon everyone followed their example. It took a few minutes for them to get ready, and then the trek into the forest started.

            About twenty minutes later, Faran was jumping in circle, clutching his foot, crying “Ow, ow, ow, ow.” 

            “Another porcupine?” Lance’s voice was nonchalant. “I don't see how you find these things, boy.”

            “Shut up! Ow, ow, ow …”

            A sword at Faran’s throat stopped his cries. It turned out to be Maleina’s. “We're trying to sneak to an enemy camp! Do you understand what the word sneak means?” Faran nodded, eyes wide. “Good. Then I trust that if I so much hear a peep from you again, you’ll end up a head shorter. Got it?” Frightened out of his wits, Faran merely nodded, keeping mouth shut. Dan could easily imagine Maleina smiling in an evil way underneath her helmet. “Good.” She sheathed her sword again. “Anyway, we're almost there, so that order of quiet goes for all you.”

            As one they nodded, even princess Ascernia. They continued forward until they heard sounds from up ahead. Voices. Too far away to hear what they were saying. No one had to be told to be quiet at that moment. They cautiously moved forward. It came as no surprise �" this had been discussed earlier �" when a downwards slope opened up, overlooking a large camp of tents. 

            Everywhere Dan could see there were soldiers. Tall, green, and every bit as ugly as the settins. Most carrying multiple weapons. All of the princess’s “army” got on their stomachs and looked over the camp. They had an excellent vantage point over the largest tent. It was round, as were most of them. Only one was square, by the edge of the camp. 

            One of the ones talking was a kelthos, a fat and garnished one �" the chieftain, Dan guessed �" and the other looked human. The prince. Easily recognized by his colorful and fancy clothes. Dan almost snorted.  He thought Tiadoras looked more like a clown than nobility. All he could see of him from this vantage point were the clothes, the brown hair, and the strange fact that he wasn't bound in any way.

            And as soon as the conversation carried to them, everyone in the “army” understood why. “And you're absolutely sure?” The chieftain asked.

            “Of course I am. I know how she thinks. She �" and everyone else in the village �" think I'm just a dumb prince, but I'll show them. Yes. I'll show them.” He began pacing, glancing every so often at the chieftain. “I can see how they look at me. With hatred! Like I'm the one to blame for everything my people do. Well ...” he stroked both his hands through his long hair, “no more, I'll tell you. No more.”

            “Hmm … I'm putting an awful lot of faith in you Tiadoras. You better not let me down.” Dan wasn't sure Tiadoras was aware of the tone of threat in the chieftain’s voice.

            “Of course. No. I won't. Because I know how she thinks. Yes. She'll come for me. Because that's who she is.” Suddenly the prince stopped and looked at the chieftain. “You don’t think I'm deplorable, do you? Setting my fiancé up like this? Leading her into a trap?”

            At this moment, Dan glanced to the princess. Her eyes were wide and her mouth open. Poor girl, he thought. Out loud he whispered, “come on, let's get out of here. There's nothing more to do.” But he had forgot about something. Settins had advanced hearing … so their cousins …

            The chieftain’s head swiveled to them immediately, and he smiled. “I do believe our rats have arrived.”

            “Sorry, Princess, I just wanted the land we were supposed to rule together for myself!” Tiadoras shouted. Whatever for, Dan had no idea. 

            “Let's go!” Maleina commanded. All of them got up and started to move away from the camp. But they were stopped by kelthos warriors that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere, advancing towards them. Most of them brandished swords. Lance immediately charged forward. Displaying amazing agility, he jumped high up in the air, and launched two projectiles of some kind into two of the kelthos. Both of them dropped dead. 

            Then Lance simply kept running through the gap he created. “Sorry, princess, but knowing when to run is just as important as knowing when to fight!” And with that he was gone, disappearing among the trees. 

            “Coward,” the princess breathed. “You're not getting your money!”

            Dan glanced at Faran. He looked strange somehow. There was a fervor in his eyes and sweat on his forehead. Suddenly he drew his sword, screamed “AAAAAHHHH!” and ran forward.

            Maleina held up hand, saying, “No!” But it was too late, before Faran could even act, the kelthos he came upon rammed him through with a large sword. Then the kelthos pushed the dead elf off his sword.

            “Red shirt. Should have known, really,” Dan said, to himself.

            The kelthos kept advancing. “Okay … we have to time this right,” Maleina said. “On my mark, we all attack. Got it?” She didn't wait for confirmation, merely screamed, “MARK!” Then charged forward. Her sister stayed with Ascernia, but the princess charged too.

            Ophelia and Dan stayed together. Ophelia wielded two daggers, while Dan drew his sword. Dan had to trust Ophelia to take care of herself, as he attacked one of the Kelthos. The wicked grin the creature displayed suggested that it thought Dan would be as easy a target as Faran was. 

            Big mistake. Dan disarmed him and ran him through. No time to think. This was nothing like fencing, but with a little modification the teachings could still apply. He’d just have to apply it on-the-fly. The next kelthos treated him a little warier, the two of them actually circled each other, before the kelthos finally charged with a scream. 

            Dan judged his movements, saw the footwork, and decided his own counter-attack. The swords met. And soon after, the kelthos’s arm went flying, followed quickly by his head. Quick glances revealed that his worry about Ophelia had been unfounded. She was in the process of slitting the throat of a kelthos in that moment. The crimson sisters had killed four each, and the princess at least two. There weren't many left. It looked like they might win this fight after all.

            Then a strange whistle sounded. As if scared, the kelthos that were left all turned and ran into the forest. Dan looked around incredulously. “I think we won.”

            Ascernia shook her head. “No … I don't think we have.” And soon enough, kelthos stepped out of the forest, in numbers that would easily overwhelm them. As if that wasn't enough, every single one of them was carrying a crossbow. Her voice was sad. “I think we've lost.”

 

***

 

About an hour later the sun had disappeared. What was left of Ascernia’s army was now inside a rectangular tent. All of them had been bound, both by hands and feet. So far, they had only gotten to see the chieftain once, as he gloated over their capture and saw to it they were tied up.

            “I'm sorry.” This was Ascernia’s fifth apology since they got thrown into the tent. “All of you, I'm sorry.”

            Ophelia sighed. “We know.”

            “I was foolish.”

            “You can say that again,” Maleina said. She and her sister had been removed from their armor, and of course all of their weapons had been taken. Underneath they wore identical white shirts and pants. 

            “I'm sorry.”

            Maleina groaned. “I was joking. It's not your fault, okay? It's that vile fiancé of yours that set us up.”

            “I'm still …”

            Ophelia surprised everyone by shouting, “Just shut up!” She let out a breath. “My dad's gonna kill me again if I'm dead by the time he comes back.”

            “How can he … ?” Dan began.

            Ophelia just glared at him. “You shut up too. You're the one that got me into this mess in the first place.” Dan opened his mouth. “And if you say you're sorry, so help me all gods, I'm going to kill you.” Dan closed his mouth.

            A few moments later their conversations were halted by the fact that the chieftain came into the tent, followed by Tiadoras. The chieftain was even uglier up close. And the smell … Dan wrinkled his nose. “Greetings, my noble,” he eyed the princess, “and not so noble,” his eyes strayed to Ophelia and Dan, “guests. I would like you all to know, that our not so noble guests are on the menu for this evening. Our noble ones … well, let's just say that the king’s going to want proof when we demand ransom, and body parts are the best proof. I will send some people in here momentarily to take care of all that.”

            Tiadoras lost his gloating expression. “What? Ransom? That wasn't the plan. I told you that was a bad idea. You were supposed to kill them, and then we’d pretend I escaped. The king will have no choice but to let me rule here, lest he anger my father.”

            “Yeah well,” he raised the tent flap and nodded to someone outside of it, “plan’s changed. Hope you don't mind.”

            “What you mean the plan’s … ?” Tiadoras’s eyes widened as soldiers entered the tent. “You can't do this to me!” Nonetheless he barely struggled as they bound him in exactly the same way as the others in the tent.

            “On the contrary, I think I just did.” Dan couldn't help but like the chieftain a little, after a display like this. The chieftain looked at Tiadoras. “Your plan regrettably involved us trusting you to give us what you promised. This plan is less risky.” He turned his eyes towards Dan and the others. “Oh, don't worry, the chefs will be with you shortly.” He smiled, and then departed the tent.

            “Oh, now I really need a …” Smoke? An idea thundered into Dan’s head. Why hadn't he thought of that before? “Guys?” His voice was as low a whisper as he could make it. “I think I've … thought of something. But I need,” he glanced at the tent flap, and the guards that were surely out there, “silence. If you know what I mean.”

            The prince sighed. “Silence.”

            Dan glanced at him, still whispering. “Yeah. By the way, you are the most vile traitorous …”

            “No … that was the keyword for the spell I just did. No need to whisper. This tent is now completely sound-proof.” He glanced at Ascernia. “I've been an idiot. Can you ever forgive me?”

            Her response could have turned flames to ice. “No.”

            “Never mind about that.” Dan glanced at Ophelia, speaking normally now. “Help me. I need you to get something in my pocket.” She furrowed her eyebrows at him. “I got a way to escape, just do it.” She grudgingly obeyed, squirming and crawling until she had her back to him. He guided her until her hand was in his pocket. “Search for a small, metallic, rectangular object.”

            After a little searching, she head, “Found it, I think.”

            “Good, now give it to me.” This cost a lot of fumbling, but eventually the lighter was in Dan’s hands. He opened it, and maneuvered it so that it pointed up at �" he hoped �" the rope tying his wrists together. Flick, nothing. “Come on.” Flick, nothing. Flick, flick, flick, flick … nothing. Was this the day his lighter would finally give up?

            “What's happening?” Ophelia still had her back to him.

            Ascernia just looked confused. “I don't … know.”

            Flick, flick, flick, flick. “Come ooooonnnn.” Flick. Flick. Flick … finally! He could feel the flames �" hopefully �" burning the ropes. Now all he needed was time, and then … That hope was broken by voices approaching. A few short seconds later two kelthos appeared through the tent-flap. 

            “Why hello, meals.” 

            The other one looked to the first one that had spoken, “Who should we pick first?”

            “The girl. Definitely the girl,” the first-speaker said.

            “Excellent choice.” They both made their way to Ophelia. It was at that moment Dan felt his ropes loosen. He flicked the lighter off, worried they’d see the smoke, and waited. The kelthos came closer and closer. Still he bided his time. It wasn't until they were just about to bend over her … that he grabbed one of their swords and in a single swift motion, before either of them knew what was happening, cut their heads off.

            The blood spattered over him and Ophelia, but as yucky as that was, it was better than being the main course in a kelthos banquet. No time to get clean. He pocketed the lighter, quickly cut his feet free, and then everyone else, starting with Ophelia. Next was Ascernia, then the sisters, but when he got to Tiadoras, he hesitated. “We should just leave him.”

            “No …” The princess rubbed her wrists. “Cut him free.”

            Dan hesitated for a moment, then decided it was her choice. “You got it.” He didn't like the look of gratitude the prince sent Ascernia one bit, but nonetheless cut him free. As soon as he was standing, Ascernia walked towards him. Tiadoras opened his arms, as if expecting a hug. Instead the princess punched him straight in the face, without warning. 

            Maleina began laughing at the prince, who had gotten knocked to the floor.  She glanced at the princess. “I’d have done it, if you hadn't. Actually mine would have been a lot worse.”

            Ascernia sent the prince a look of hatred that Dan hadn't thought the beautiful princess had in her. “That's the very least of what you deserve. When dad hears about this …”

            As much satisfaction Dan was gaining from the prince’s look of horror, he nonetheless had to say, “We haven't got time for this, we have to go.”

            The princess looked at him. “Where? There are guards just outside the door.”

            Tiadoras attempted to stem the flow of blood from his nose. “And my spell won't last much longer.”

            Dan smiled. “Then we’ll just have to make our own door.” He remembered back from when they looked over the camp. There had only been one rectangular tent. Dan went over to the back of it, and used the sword to cut a rough a rough archway into the fabric of the tent. Everyone stared for a moment, then they gathered around the hole. Outside lay the darkened forest.

            “Once we're outside, my spell won't work.” Tiadoras glanced around the group. “We'll have to be … very … quiet.”

            Ophelia turned to Ascernia. “Are you sure you want him with us, princess … I mean, I think I speak for all of us when I say that leaving him here with the kelthos might be the fairest fate for him.” She ignored the hurt look Tiadoras sent her.

            The princess seemed to think for a moment. Then she nodded. “He’ll face judgment. But not from these savages. Now, are we going, or not?” She didn't wait for an answer, but stepped outside the tent, carefully. The whole group followed. For a little while they moved slow and tried to make as little sound as possible.

            But when a guard shouted, “There! The prisoners are escaping,” they needed no command to break into a run. Dan hazarded a glance back. He wished he hadn't. His heart was already beating fast enough. Discovering that nearly the entire camp was fast on their heels was not helping.

            A few fired their crossbows, but thankfully both parties were running, in the cover of darkness. Not the ideal time for playing archery. None of the bolts found their mark. Dan’s breath was already becoming labored. Ophelia, the princess, and the sisters were ahead of him, separated already by a half-a-dozen meters. The gap was only going to widen. He and Tiadoras were bringing up the rear.

            Ophelia glanced back at him. Dan winced when he saw her purposefully slow down until her speed matched his. “No,” he said between breaths. “Don't slow. Go faster. I don't think �" I'm going to be able �" to keep this up much longer �" anyway.”

            “Don't talk like that. Besides, I was assigned your babysitter, remember? What kind of a babysitter would I be, if I abandoned you now?”

            “An alive one?” Ophelia chuckled, but didn't speed up. Oh, no, thought Dan, when he noticed the princess also slowing down. And with her, the sisters. Soon all of them were running together. Dan turned to the princess. “Come on �" Ascernia.” At the moment, he didn't care about the correct ways to address royalty. “At very least �" you see the wisdom �" in going ahead �" right?”

            “There's more to being a monarch than wisdom,” the princess said simply.

            Maleina glanced back at them. “I can't believe I'm saying this, but she's got a point.”

            Oh, great, we're all going to die together, Dan thought. Comforting thought. He blinked. Spots were appearing in front of his eyes. His lungs felt like they were going to explode. Now he really wished he had never smoked in his life. Which was about to be cut very short.

            In his state, keeping a watchful eye on a dark forest ground was nearly impossible. Dan wasn't sure what it was he tripped over. Root … rock … it didn't really matter. The end result was the same. Him, face-down on the ground. Funny, he thought, this was the same way he came into this world. And just like then, he rolled onto his back. He was both happy and not happy to see Ophelia’s face above him. She offered him her hand, “Quickly!”

            He took it, raised himself up, and saw that everyone had stopped.  Except for Tiadoras of course, who kept on running. Dan would have been touched, had he not thought they were all being exceedingly stupid. He noticed they were all looking at something, guessed what it was, turned around and saw he was right.

            The kelthos had caught up. In that very moment kelthos warriors were surrounding them. Leaving a small clear circle around the group. The chieftain himself emerged and faced the group. “Impressive.” He slow-clapped. “I would really like to congratulate you on this escape. It's kept me and my men most entertained.” The chieftain smiled. “Warriors, kill them all.”

            But before anyone could so much as raise a sword, people materialized all round the group, from thin air. The chieftain stared. Dan caught mutters among the kelthos, who �" strangely enough for these brave warriors �" looked uneasy. A word kept being repeated. “Wizards.”

            Dan looked around. So these were wizards? They looked deceptively ordinary. Not all of them were male either, so … wizards could be female too. Good to know. The way they were dressed varied, but simple shirts and pants seemed to be the norm, with the ruling colors being dark-blue, and dark-red. 

            “Leave here at once!” the chieftain commanded. “You are not allowed to meddle in non-magical affairs! These are our kills, fair and square.”

            A handsome man with dark hair and blue eyes stepped forward from the wizards to face the chieftain. “This is our affair, telling you why is not needed. This group is under our protection, so leave now, and we will spare your and your men’s lives.” Dan had to admire the cool and calm way with which the man said that. To him it looked like the wizards were severely outnumbered.

            Apparently the chieftain agreed. First he smiled. Then he began laughing. “You've some nerve,” he said when he had finally managed to stop himself. “I say you're meddling, and I say that the kelthos bow to no one.” He charged the wizard in the lead, swinging his sword and screaming, “ATTACK!” 

            Bright lightning from the man's hands cut the chieftain’s lone charge short. His charred corps dropped down at the wizard’s feet. The wizard looked around at the kelthos, raising his eyebrows. “Anyone wanna follow him?” The brave kelthos warriors nearly tripped over each other in their single-minded hurry to retreat back in the direction of their camp.

            Soon Dan and his companions were left alone with the wizards. The leader turned to Dan. “You're the dropper, correct?”

            “Yeah … yeah. Thanks for saving us, by the way.”

            “We just came for you. Karlos and Yrsula informed us of your arrival. All droppers are protected by the wizard alliance.”

            “So … you didn't have to save the others?”

            The man allowed himself a smile. “Strictly speaking, no. But lets keep that between you and me, shall we?” His smile disappeared. “Are you ready to go home?”

            “Can I …” Dan glanced at Ophelia and the princess. “Say goodbye?”

            “Of course.”

            Dan nodded, and walked in the direction of Ascernia. Half-way there, another wizard �" a woman �" materialized into the group, hold onto a struggling Tiadoras. “We caught him running away.” She threw him to the ground. “The little bug.”

            “Ah.” The leader looked at Tiadoras for a moment. “We thought you were Dan, of course. Which is the only reason why we brought you back here.” Dan felt his the corners of his lips turn upwards in a smile. He thought he was beginning to see how wizards worked. Obviously no one would ever mistake him for Tiadoras.

            He reached Ascernia, stopping in front of her. “It's been an honor, princess.”

            She offered him her hand, smiling. “The honor is all mine, Dan. Without you we’d all be in kelthos stomachs about now.”

            Dan nodded, and took her hand. “You're right. Which is why I hope you don't mind when I do this …” He pulled the shocked princess closer to him by her hand, and before she could act, put his lips over hers in a kiss. For a moment she struggled, the next �" a few glorious seconds �" she kissed back, and the one after that she pulled away, gasping.

            Maleina had been watching. She grinned at Dan. “Normally, you'd be dead for that.” Dan felt his good mood evaporating a bit, when she realized she meant it. “But I think just this once we can make an exception. Of course, if you do it again.” She kept grinning. “Then my sword will go through your heart.”

            Dan swallowed and went over to Ophelia. She just smiled and shook her head at him. “Kissing the princess, huh? You really are something.” She held her hands up as he approached. “Hey, you're not going to kiss …” Dan closed his arms around her in a hug, and after a few seconds, she hugged back.

            He pulled away. “Thank you. For being my babysitter.”

            “No problem. Drop by anytime, if you want to do it all over again.” Their faces became serious as they realized that day would likely never come “Just … don't forget your time here, okay?”

            Dan laughed briefly. “There's no danger of that happening.” He sighed, then he turned to the leader of the wizards. “Okay. I'm ready. Send me back.” The man nodded, and approached Dan. He lifted his hand up, put it on Dan’s head and then …

            He was back on that crosswalk. The very place he had dropped. It was night, and fortunately there seemed to be no cars around. Experimentally, he tested the ground underneath. Solid. He was almost disappointed. Dan almost stepped on it, but eventually bent down and picked it up. His cigarette. How in the world had that survived thousands of feet and heavy traffic?

            Dan put it up to his mouth, got his lighter from his pocket, and carried it up to the cigarette. Then he grinned, ripped the cigarette from his mouth, and threw it away. He walked to the end of the crosswalk, and dropped his lighter in a trash can. No more smoking for him.

            Whistling a happy tune, Dan kept walking after the street.