Depression

This is my personal struggle with depression.

If you are afraid you have to
go about life scared but be brave.
Don’t be a victim, be a survivor.
-------------
Upon my tears you fell,
you broke my heart.

Shattered to pieces,
burned to black
life blew away in ashes.

My lows got deeper,
my highs got higher,
my life seemed shallow,
my grave seemed closer.

The sun forgot to shine,
the clouds forgot to move,
the river’s edge overflowed,
love forgot me leaving me in
a pile of dirt.

My heart wings broke, no longer
am I able to fly.

Love forgot about me,
it bruised me, it beat
me.

Depression seemed to know me
better, but is toxic and painful.

It passes slowly and like molasses,
yet life flashes before my eyes.

By my surprise a light
blinds me, a reminder
of what is to come.

From deep within my black hole
one word brings me to the surface,
survival.

Be brave and accept yourself,
flaws and all. Scar’s and pain
is part of the process.

You have a choice, to gain
muscle or stay weak and fragile.

Anyway, I’ve learned to love myself
accepted my flaws and scar’s.

Be kind to yourself and others.
Mindfulness brings us together.

Author's Note

Please be kind. I am autistic and I am trying. I am using a cell phone to post and spell check might cause errors. I will correct them when I am capable. The picture I submitted for this piece is my personal art work. It's called reaching.

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

A valuable look at depression from the inside here. When I was a mental health educator speaking to various groups, if they asked me to choose my topic, I would always choose depression. It is so dangerous because of the subtle way it phases in. When it gets to the point of having distorted thoughts, such as the attractiveness of death, it is a code red situation. Medication helps, but too often people go off their medications. More people must be educated about this lethal disease.

[Amanda]

Wow, you are a brave and beautiful soul. You worked with people like myself. I am unconditionally grateful for your service. People like yourself helped me survive my own personal hell. I use to take medication too, but I was able to stop medication and I am doing better. It took 31 years for me to figure out how to fight my battles. I was abused in the beginning of my life and that caused me mental health issues. Mental health helped me find myself and I am still getting help through my community. I live in a HUD housing apartment complex. It's my first place I have ever had to myself. I survived everyone when I proved I can take care of myself enough to move into my own apartment. My family was so worried. But after a year everyone was excited for me. I also was a yoga therapist and nutritionist for 25 years. I got a master's degree in advance science and engineering. I ended up opening a yoga class for mental health in 2007. Seizures took away my ability to do yoga so I retired in 2016. I am still doing well. My doctor's keep an eye on me. I am very grateful to be free from the depression though. It made everything harder.

[light and ashes]

This is written with such depth and wisdom. It is sad when depression seems to know us better than any other emotion. I have known this place well, and have been there many times, but it has a happy conclusion.
I love how you wrote this, 100.

[Amanda]

Thank you. I do find it easy to write relatable poems because I can relate to others. My ability to play with words has grown with me. I've done a lot research on language. I am mentally deaf, I can hear well but my brain can't process speech. It's part of my autism.

[light and ashes]

Oh ok, well I would never know it. You write very well.

[clcd699]

Wonderful work, it showed that in life it is very important to be kind to yourself while you are struggling, for there is a time wherein you can finally continue and fix your broken pieces while stepping forward courageously.

[Amanda]

Thank you. I agree. I fought myself for awhile before I figured out how to let go of my ignorance of what I thought of myself. Life is easier now that I have.