A Story by DaughterNature

I've tried to edit this to make the point a little more obvious, but you may have to read this more than once. I'm not sure if I need to completely rewrite it, or if it's just too counter-culture!


            Oh my gosh. Here he comes, walking into class like he owns the world. He’s wonderful, so confident. I smile, small and shy. He smiles back. My face flushes. He sits down right next to me. I try to keep my breathing steady. I don’t dare look at him.

            Pat and Alex stroll into the classroom holding hands. They’re so cute together.  Everyone agrees they’re a perfect match for one another. In the seats to my right, Sam and Robin are being a bit disgusting. They’re my best friends, but the constant making-out is starting to get on my nerves. Not because it’s gross to watch two people swap saliva in a definitively public place, but because I’m so desperately jealous of what they have.

            At least they’re happy. Me, on the other hand… I don’t have anyone. Robin says not to worry, that eventually I’ll find a nice girl who’s right for me. Until then, though, I’m conspicuously alone, surrounded by all these happy couples. 

            And him sitting next to me. Gorgeous, smart, funny, nice, single him. Thinking about him makes my skin tingle. I can daydream all I want, but I know it can never be. I mean, even the approach is impossible. If I were to stop him after class and try to explain how I feel, I know he would say, “Ummmmm, I’m not ‘like that.’ Sorry,” and walk away. Then the whole grade, the whole school, the whole town would know I’m “like that.” Different. The bad, uncomfortable, unchangeable different.

            Still… he’s so cute, and I just can’t help myself. I sneak a peek, startled when his eyes meet mine. I duck my head, but look again for a moment as the teacher begins to speak.

            What’s that sound? I look around, realizing he’s passing me a note:

Hey. How’s it going?

            I write back:

Ok. You?

            He waits a minute, pretending to dutifully write in his notebook while the teacher looks our way, then sends over:


You look lonely.

            The statement startles me, and I’m not sure how to respond. What could he possibly mean by that? What can I say? I want so badly to open my heart to him, but I know how dangerous that urge is. All I can write is:

I am.

            His pencil hangs poised in midair for a few seconds. My stomach clenches. He nervously scribbles:


I’m free tonight, if you want to go

to a movie or something.

            He blushes when I glance at him, confused and unreasonably hopeful. He mouths, “Unless you’d rather not.” I blush, too. My hand shaking, I quickly write:

I’d love to.

            What’s happening? Did he somehow find out my secret? Is he going to post this all over school, expose me to the ridicule, and ruin me?

            But the slip of paper slides back onto my desk. My heart flutters.

I’ll pick you up at 7:00.

            I’m so excited I can’t focus on anything except him for the rest of the afternoon. When I get home my parents tell me they’re going to a dinner party at six and won’t be home until after ten. How lucky can I get in one day? This means they won’t be home when he comes to pick me up or when he drops me off. Perfect! I tell my parents I’m going out with some friends and won’t be home until after nine, and they say it’s okay.

            He pulls up in front of our house quietly in a silver Mustang. My heart jumps in my throat, but I don’t want to seem too eager. “Wow. Nice car.”

            “Thanks.” He watches the toe of his shoe scuff the curb. “There’s an action movie playing downtown. Do you want to go?”

            “That sounds like fun.” I’m walking on air.

The movie theatre is dark, and we choose good seats in the middle. A group of girls from school troops into the seats directly behind us, but I don’t think they notice who we are. At least, not until a really romantic part of the film.

As the heroes look deep into each other’s eyes, I feel his arm come up around my shoulders, and there’s a warm place in my stomach. I turn to him, smile, close my eyes, and feel the soft warmth of his mouth on mine.

A startled cry shatters the moment The girls behind us rise, yelling over one another. “Eewww! Did you see him? He kissed HER!”

© 2015 DaughterNature

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Very nice perspective piece, I think I might read through it now that I know what's going on- At first I thought it was a guy narrating with an effeminate voice, all the way into the last bit of dialogue.
If you want to leave the suspense and openness there, I'd suggest something more like "Ewwww!… They kissed", but if you want it to be a surprise ending, this makes sense.
I've seen at least a video or two that plays with the concept of a heterophobic world, and I think you do a good job placing the reader into it, when they look back. In the first read-through, its open-ended enough with the other character names; maybe, if you want to make it more ambiguous, try creating a more gender-neutral narration.
hmmmm, what else?… Font changes were well-used; little improvements can probably be made for diction, but that would be minor. Well done story. I liked it. :)

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 10 Years Ago


10 Years Ago

I'm glad you liked it! As for the narrative voice, I wrote this as a high school sophomore, so I may.. read more
I'm confused by this is it about a girl and a guy or a guy and a guy?

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 10 Years Ago

song writer

10 Years Ago

Oh so its up to the reader to pick who its about and I see you picked some gender neutral names whi.. read more

10 Years Ago

Very astute observation! Spoiler alert, my intention was that the speaker be female and heterosexual.. read more
song writer

10 Years Ago

oh ok thank you now I understand this more.

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2 Reviews
Added on November 8, 2013
Last Updated on October 31, 2015
Tags: love, gender, sexuality, sex, boy, girl, man, woman, kiss, homosexuality



Chicago, IL

I know I'll always be learning, but ready and willing to read and review! I have been writing for about 14 years, and I have had one short story published in a magazine. I love experimenting with diff.. more..