Glorified Killer, or Hero

Glorified Killer, or Hero

A Story by David the writer

From the mist of pain, and misery rises a hero ready to defend his city. He dips his blades in garlic, and asks himself. "Am I really going to be a hero, or a glorified killer?" "Do I really need to do something this dangerous, unreasonable, and this crazy!?" He walked to the outskirts of town because he knew if he didn't no else would attempt it. He was there all alone. He swallowed his fear as he heard hisses from all around. He drew his blades as he looked around trying to see them. One jumped out from the shadows, and showed his fangs. The vampire tried to bite him, but he dodged. He sliced the vampire's through while the vampire was in shock. The others jumped out, and hissed angered. They clawed in unison, but he jumped and stabbed two vampire's head as he landed. The last vampire pounced on him, and clawed his face. As the vampire went for another claw our hero put his blade up slicing the vampire's wrist. Six others jumped out from the shadows, but the night broke into dawn melting the vampires. Our hero ran back to the city bloody, and scared.

© 2012 David the writer

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Nice opening chapter, I'll make sure to read the others too, sounds intriguing!

Posted 11 Years Ago

Very short however I'm.... intrigued. I can't wait to get to the other stuff!

Posted 11 Years Ago

I apologize for this in advance, but I always seem to compare stories that I read to movies that I have seen. This screams of the 2011 Screen Gems film 'PRIEST', and I absolutely LOVE that flick. Hopefully, this follows an entirely different landscape...
Can't wait to

Posted 11 Years Ago

as much as this is brief, I am curious to learn more about the protagonist. Great intro you got there.

Posted 11 Years Ago

obviously meant to be very brief introduction to the story and perhaps you tried to squeeze too much into this brief introduction. I felt it was good and yet I was left unsatisfied. Perhaps the introduction section should be just his preparation if you really want to keep it this short or I would really like it to be elaborated on.

Posted 11 Years Ago

'From the mist of pain and misery(,) rises a hero' (comma plc)
'He dips his blades in garlic, and asks himself, "Am I really going to be a hero, or a glorified killer? ... Do I really need to do something this dangerous, unreasonable, and this crazy?"
'He walked to the outskirts of town because he knew if he didn't, no (one) else would attempt it.'
'He sliced the vampire through' (no apostrophe)
'The others jumped out and hissed(,) angered.' (comma)
'...but he jumped and stabbed two vampire's heads as he landed.' (plural)
'As the vampire went for another claw our hero put his blade up(,) slicing the vampire's wrist.' (comma)

This is like an epic, told in the true style of folklore, the origin of all superheroes! Be aware you do run the risk of your hero appearing too 'cardboard' or one-dimensional to many readers through this style. I noticed JordanEasley pointed out that so I won't repeat:)

Posted 11 Years Ago

I think that the idea behind the story was better than the actual story. Hero vs Glorified killer...very interesting. But, I think that if you made a few changes it would be even better. I think that if a vampire brought up the aspect of the hunter being a hero or glorified killer, then it would be more complex and have more of a storyline. If I were you, I would have the hunter about to kill the final vampire when it asks, "Do you think you are a hero? To us, you are nothing but a glorified killer." or something like that. That would give character to the vampires and create an inner conflict with the hunter. That would make for a much better read than just having the theme of the story read out loud in the first sentences.

Posted 11 Years Ago

i like the beginning it has a really good flow to it and i like how he asked himself if he was a hero or a glorified killer. It's true how thin the line between them are. the action is good too but you might want to work on the flow of it a bit more and add when he's thinking into it maybe so it feels like we can really get a sense of what he's going through... other then that really great:) and i like how he's scared in the end. it makes him seem at least human because i mean what person wouldn't be scared asked killing vampires?
keep up the good work:)

Posted 11 Years Ago

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8 Reviews
Added on July 13, 2012
Last Updated on July 13, 2012


David the writer
David the writer


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