The Irrepressible Ms O

Divinity in a Skirt

The divine Ms M is one of my favorite persons … and never fails to make the obvious clear … even in a sea of serious concerns about issues. They called her divine … not because she is holy … nor the fact that her borderline personality … crossed the threshold of the sublime. But she was divine … in being able to make … what is plainly off-the-wall … appear sensible and normal in human affairs. In that … she bridged the gap between the comic … and the macabre … and made us familiar with that which we viewed as the disorderly frightfulness of life. But there is another.

Children first come to meet her … in the infancy of their childhood experiences … as that which makes anything possible. She presents an early view of life … as free of borders … in an … anything goes … promise of the world's experience … in which the child belongs … as its son. It makes for a burgeoning of the child's emotions … and expresses it as a part of the world … somewhere in time and space. Its where I first met her … in a matching attitude … of liberty and freedom of thought. And I thought I had fallen in love with her.

She was a firm believer in the achievement of wishes … and would badger and prod me on the ideals of youth … and chastise me for postponing the impulse for their achievement. Our literature is filled with … female spirits … ghosts … witches … and banshees … that are reported to lead men to their deaths … on adventures ill informed … and I had taken a cautionary approach in dealing with her. The Indic … Mohini … is a sort of she-devil … that creates the most fervent desires for life's dreams and their attainment.

Its that which the author … Irving Stone… described Van Gogh … as displaying a lust for life … that drew me to her. She seemed to promise the immortal. So one day … I decided I was going to sit down … listen to what she has to say … and to try to make sense of it. That began a part of my experiences … with this mystery woman … which occupies my attention to this day. In time … it became clear that … her complaints were about the fact that I had quit believing a lot of things. But what concerned me most of all … was her role in life.

She was an object of the passions … and she loved too well but not orderly. The scope of her expressions … would carry a man … all around the universe and back … seemingly without purpose … until I discerned the possibility that … she was referring to the force of evolution. She referred to creation not as… waves and ion particles … but the output of her love. I connected that with Indic tales of the Puranas … and figured in some way that … she was a personification of the creative forces.

In the entire time … that I spent associating with her … I was struck by the way … our institutionalized studies … take an impersonal view of creation … and see it as so much atoms and bonding behavior. Instead she brought to me … a view of the world and universe … as a living … throbbing person … who is fairly representative of the average person. Its a view that grew into a habit with me … and soon began to shape my thoughts about the source of my being. It sometimes raised itself into waves and storms of sexual pleasures … which I am grateful … stayed loyal to my privacy … and did not extend itself to a relationship with a woman.

I continue to discern and filter … the rich abundance of her intimations … being sure to stay clear of any specific praise or adulation … of me in my personality as man. Its like a turbine engine … that sucks in air from the outside … and releases it again … in a tiny jet output. The experience helped me to make sense of her … and to define … name … and label the many parts of her communication … into a coherent sense of man … and the way it applies its relevance to me … as one man in a world that has grown very big. It took some time … but its proving itself as a worthy exercise.

' She created it all around him ' … she blurted out at one time … and it directed me to view the ordinary activities of my life … as being infused with the secrets of creation … that are making themselves revealed to my learning. Its Castaneda's … Separate Reality … that persuades a man … to view the world … both as a social activity … and the individual's perception of himself. Fortunately I have been able to weather its many challenges both in the social and individual. It makes the promise … however … that all mankind will one day rise to meet its grand lesson plan.

I wish I could say something about its charm and manner of relations. That would make for a long list … that ranges from a bull in a China shop … to the angelic light of resurrection unto life. But always … in a long series of unfortunate incidences … it proves itself … for its rational and common sense … about the properties of life. And it gladdens my heart. I have never stopped to ask … ' why me?' It seemed that I was always telling others what to do … and one day … someone had told me … ' if its so great … why don't you do it yourself?'

She came by again one day … after the great fires of attrition … and makes my days sweet and my nights a discovery. She is today … the picture of orderliness. I call her Ms O … and she is the content of my knowledge. She is knowledge. Trevanian … the author of … Shibumi … may have said it better as … ' it is beyond knowledge.' We spend the days … peering into the depths of eternity … and looking forward to its promises together. Its kind of fun to think we are friends in that way. Things do work out … and happily so.