Best Man

Two brothers. Two lives. One deadly secret.

Best Man

By

Darrel Draper

'One Choice. Two Lives.'

Synopsis: Oliver is about to be married to the love of his life, Cynthia. However when his estranged Brother Mike suddenly crawls out of the wood work and turns up on their doorstep, his whole world is sent off balance. Oliver and his Brother Mike share a secret, one which has been locked away from Cynthia. One which could possibly destroy everything Oliver has ever worked for in life. Though has Mike truly returned for the purpose of vengeance, or will Oliver fall victim to his ever growing paranoia and in fact become the orchestrator of his own downfall? Only time will tell as the two engage in a deadly game of chess, one which surpasses sibling rivalry. All to determine, who the 'Best Man' will be.

Scene One.

(Lights up. Living room. Evening. Cynthia is sat staring down at a piece of paper with a pen in hand. She looks agitated. She writes something on the paper, pauses in thought, Oliver enters staring down at his phone as he walks, Cynthia loses her temper and screws up the piece of paper with an aggravated grunt, in hearing this Oliver immediately turns around and attempts to creep off undetected. Cynthia senses his presence and turns around catching him in the act)

THIA: What you doing?

OLI: Left my charger upstairs.

THIA: It's here. (Pointing it out)

OLI: Ah. If you pass it I'll.....

THIA: No, no, no, you're going to sit down here and help me with this. (Grabbing a fresh piece of paper)

OLI: You know hiring a professional wouldn't be......

THIA: No! We're not! Would you trust someone esle to drive your Mercedes?

OLI: (Sarcastic) Other than you? (Thia shoots him daggers. Beat) What's that go to do with this any.......

THIA: You wanted that car for years. That was your dream. This is mine. I'm not going to just hand over my dream to someone else, so they can drive it away from me.

OLI: I don't mean let them plan everything, but, you know, just a little, so that you don't get like this, all over worked and that.

THIA: I thought you wanted to preserve some of our savings, and anyway, I wouldn't be so over worked if you had more input.

OLI: Look whatever makes you happy makes me happy. It's whatever you want babe.

THIA: What would make me happy is if you helped me out here with this seating plan. This could either make or break the reception.

OLI: OK. OK. We'll sort it. Just not tonight, yeah? Tomorrow? I promise. First thing, we'll sit down and....

THIA: It will never get done. That's what will happen. Tonight. C'mon. (Patting the empty space next to her on the sofa. Oli huffs and makes his way over) Don't huff! (Oli plonks himself down next to her)

OLI: I'm knackered from work.

THIA: What and I'm not. (Beat) Right, so, there's six to a table and fifteen tables in total, so, that is?(Looks to Oli)

OLI: Is this a maths exam?

THIA: Ninety. You fail.

OLI: No, I knew it was ninety.

THIA: So if we just draw fifteen squares.

OLI: The tables are circle.

THIA: Squares are easier.

OLI: No they're not.

THIA: You do it then. (Handing him the pen)

OLI: Alright. No problem. (Starts drawing circles)

THIA: That's supposed to be a circle? (Beat) And I'm assuming all these tables are the same size right?

OLI: Oh for.......Haven't you got a pencil and rubber?

THIA: (Hands him a cup coaster) Draw around that.

OLI: (Takes the coaster, which is rather large) We're going to need a bigger piece of paper, there's no way we're going to fit........

THIA: Argh! (Grabs the piece of paper and screws it up, throws it on the floor. Takes another piece) Let's just draw fifteen columns. (Oli immediately hands the pen back to Thia) Is there a ruler somewhere? (Oli hands her a book to use, she draws the first column landscape)

OLI: You should get more in if you do it portrait. (Thia stops and shoots Oli another death stare. He laughs) My god, if this is how much trouble we're having with this, imagine what the rest of the wedding is going to be like.

THIA: Exactly! And you wonder why I'm stressing!

OLI: (Grabs a piece of paper) Hold on. I've got the perfect seating plan. (Draws a smiley face and holds it up in front of Thia's face, almost covering it) What do you think?

THIA: (Batting the paper away, unamused) Why don't you just look for a template online? I'm sure they'll be one you can print off that we can use.

OLI: Good thinking. But we're out of ink, so, as suggested, why don't we carry this on tomorrow? Just relax tonight. Yeah?

THIA: Why are we out of ink?

OLI: What do you mean, 'why are we out of ink'?

THIA: Well you usually get a warning, several, so before you're actually out of ink, you know you're going to be running out of ink, so then you go out, and you get some ink before you're....

OLI: Woe, woe, woe, woe. I think someone needs a massage. (Gets closer and attempts to massage her)

THIA: No. Stop.

OLI: What?

THIA: That's not going to work. OK. You should......

OLI: Shhhh. Relax. (Massaging her) You're so tense.

THIA: Well one of us has to be.

OLI: I'll get the ink tomorrow, we'll print out the template and we'll sort the seating plan. I promise.

THIA: We better. Because we've only got another seven weeks to get everything ready.

OLI: Exactly. That's plenty of time. Stop worrying. Everything's going to be perfect.

THIA: How do you know?

OLI: Because you're going to be there.

THIA: (Smiles. Beat. Moves away slightly) We're not having sex.

OLI: Who said anything about sex!

THIA: I know your games Mr.

OLI: You're wrong Mrs.

THIA: (Beat. Mutters) Cunningham. Cynthia Cunningham. I love alliteration.

OLI: Is that the only reason you're marrying me?

THIA: Not thee ONLY reason. There's a few others.

OLI: Like?

THIA: Your Sheppard's pie's not bad.

OLI: Ah. I see. You want the family recipe. Well, I'm glad I discovered your true intentions now rather than later.

THIA: Ow, you need to pick me up some sardines tomorrow as well.

OLI: Sardines?

THIA: I was reading that if you eat Sardines in the early stages of pregnancy your child is more likely to have a higher cognitive ability later in life, something to do with the omega three I think.

OLI: Argh. I hate fish.

THIA: So do I! I'm doing this for our child. Ow, and before I forget. Mother recommended a great caterer, they did her and my fathers wedding.

OLI: Mmmmm, not sure we've got that kind of money.

THIA: They're actually rather reasonably priced. I mean, for what they serve.

OLI: Diamond encrusted cake?

THIA: You think my parents are snobs.

OLI: No! I don’t! That's not what I was........

THIA: It's OK. If you do, it's.....

OLI: I don't! It was a joke woman! Christ!

THIA: It's just, don't get me wrong, I know they can be a little over bearing at times, but they're.......

OLI: I do not think your parents are snobs, honestly I don't. You know I see them as family already. In fact, they are my family. I don't think their snobs, I don't know where you're getting that from, I was honestly just joking.

THIA: I know you were but, there are some people who do think that, and, well, they're wrong.

OLI: I know. I love your mum and dad.

THIA: (Beat) Who will your mum be sitting with by the way?

OLI: Tomorrow, we'll sort it tomorrow. OK?

THIA: OK. (Beat) I haven't told them yet by the way.

OLI: What?

THIA: My parents. They don't know I'm pregnant.

OLI: What, why?

THIA: Their not snobs, but they are old fashioned, traditional like, and I thought it would be better to announce it once we're married.

OLI: Right....Well it's going to be a lot harder to hide closer to the date.

THIA: I won't be showing that much. It will be fine.

OLI: OK......If that's what you want. (Beat) But you know it will still be a b*****d right?

THIA: Shhhh! Don't say that! (Beat) Are you a b*****d?

OLI: In one sense.

THIA: You know what sense I'm referring to.

OLI: Does it matter?

THIA: I'm just curious. It's not often you speak about.......

OLI: No. I'm not. Mum and dad were married before they had me. (Beat) You realise my mum already knows. About the baby.

THIA: Well if you could just tell her to keep it a secret for now.

OLI: OK. (Pause)

THIA: You know I often wonder about your dad.

OLI: Why my dad?

THIA: What it would have been like, whether he would have approved of me, whether him and my dad would have got along, maybe become friends, maybe would have........

OLI: Yeah probably.

THIA: Shame I never got to meet him. Sounded like a great man. But I was thinking, I quite like the name Eric. Eric Cunningham. So if it turns out to be a.......

OLI: No. I wouldn't want to. Always think that thing's a bit tacky.

THIA: Oh, OK. Well. It was just a thought. (Beat) Sorry If I.....

OLI: No it's fine, it's just, as I said, think that sort of thing's a bit tacky, distasteful.

THIA: OK. (Beat) If it was a girl I was thinking Isabelle, Izzy for short.

OLI: I like that. Certainly beats Meredith.

THIA: Meredith is uncommon.

OLI: For a reason. She'd just end up being called Mary, and there's nothing original about that.

THIA: OK, then you think of some 'original' names.

OLI: Han Solo.

THIA: You'll be (Wanking gesture) 'Hand Solo' tonight if you carry on.

OLI: I thought I wasn't getting any anyway?

THIA: Well you did give up on that massage pretty quick.

OLI: Ahhhhhhh. So my erotic charms aren't weakened by your super strops after all.

THIA: F**k off.

OLI: (Gasps mockingly) If that baby comes out swearing I'll know who to blame.

THIA: What can I say, you bring out the b***h in me.

OLI: Well I'm actually hoping for a boy.

THIA: Oliver!

OLI: What!

THIA: Too far! Calling our unborn child a b***h.

OLI: Oh god, I'm really biting back on something here

THIA: Let me guess, (Mocking his tone of voice) 'If it's anything like it's mother'.

OLI: No. It will be a wonderful, beautiful, extravagant, exotic godly woman. (Moving in for a kiss and cuddle)

THIA: (Laughs) You really are a cheese ball.

OLI: Yep, and guess what, there ain't no recipe for me. I'm one of a kind.

THIA: That you are. (They embrace for a moment until Thia pulls away with a thought) Who did you decide was going to be your best man in the end?

OLI: Dial 999, someone just killed the mood.

THIA: Don't tell me you still haven't chosen.

OLI: Probably Mark.

THIA: Mark from work?

OLI: Yes. Mark from work. Why? What's wrong with Mark from work?

THIA: Nothing. He's a nice guy.

OLI: But?

THIA: Nothing. I just. I didn't think you two were that close.

OLI: I practically see him everyday.

THIA: Yes, because you work together.

OLI: So.....What's your problem with Mark!

THIA: Nothing! He's just. Bit dull. Can't see him giving the toast of the year.

OLI: It's not you he has to toast.

THIA: Yes but I'll be part of his toast. Surely.

OLI: Nahhh. I've specifically asked for you to be cut out of it.

THIA: (Stands) Right, I'm off to bed. Don't know what you're doing. (Walks away)

OLI: (Trying to sound suggestive) Han Solo's going to wait for the perfect opportunity to sneak aboard the millennium falcon.

THIA: Sorry, I've already got one stowaway. (Patting her stomach)

OLI: Wow. Serial mood killer tonight.

THIA: (Laughs) But if you'd like to finish that massage. (Exits)

(Oli sits for a second before exiting in pursuit with a cheeky grin. Blackout)

Scene Two.

(Lights up. Living room. Afternoon. Cynthia is trying different flower and vase combinations, working on an arrangement for the tables at the wedding. A knock at the door interrupts her. She moves to answer it. As she opens the door, a scruffy looking man with a holdall bag stands in the doorway. She does not recognise him, nor does he her)

MIKE: Is Oli in?

THIA: No he's at work.

MIKE: Any idea when he'll be back?

THIA: Is there anything I can help you with?

MIKE: If you just tell him Mike stopped by. (Goes to turn away)

THIA: Mike as in short for Michael?

MIKE: Yeah that's the one.

THIA: As in Michael his brother Michael?

MIKE: (Sniggers) Yeah that's me.

THIA: (Shift in tone) Oh my god. It's a pleasure to finally meet you. (Shaking his hand)

MIKE: And you. You must be.......Sorry, names just fall out of my head these days.

THIA: Cynthia.

MIKE: That's right.

THIA: I know you must hear this a lot, but I just want to say, I think what you do is amazing.

MIKE: Yeah?

THIA: I think you're a real inspiration. I mean that. Genuinely.

MIKE: (Bewildered) Thank you.

THIA: It must take real guts to live in such a hostile environment.

MIKE: Right, yeah. Got ya. I wasn't sure how much Oli told you about me.

THIA: Oh he's very proud of you. And why wouldn't he be. I mean, the sacrifice you guys make for people like us.

MIKE: Yeah well, it's um, just, you know. What we do.

THIA: You're very modest. I had a friend, her father was in Iraq, and sadly he didn't make it back. He was a lieutenant. James Johnson.

MIKE: Can't say I've heard the name. But there's a lot of regiments.

THIA: Well I think half the country turned up to his funeral. Was beautiful. (Beat) Sorry, I'm making you stand out here, would you like to come in? (Gesturing) Oliver shouldn't be long home actually. Does he know your back?

MIKE: No I thought I'd surprise him.

THIA: Then come in. We can hide you. Be great to see his face. He's going to be so happy.

MIKE: OK. Cheers. (Enters)

THIA: How long you back for?

MIKE: A while.

THIA: That's good.

MIKE: You into plants?

THIA: No just working on some flower arrangements for the big day.

MIKE: (Lost) Ah. Right.

THIA: Did you not get the invite?

MIKE: (Shakes head) Post doesn't come regularly.

THIA: Oh of course. Well I suppose you coming back is perfect timing.

MIKE: Yeah.

THIA: Have you been to see your mum?

MIKE: Yeah I popped in.

THIA: Bet she was pleased.

MIKE: Ecstatic.

THIA: I can't imagine her worry. When you're away.

MIKE: I'm a survivor. She knows that.

THIA: But still. As much as I respect what you do, and hold it in the highest honour, I'm not sure I could sit comfortably knowing my child was out over there.

MIKE: How old's your kid now?

THIA: Oh, only nine weeks.

MIKE: Ah right. (Beat) As I said, post don't come regular.

THIA: Can I get you a drink? Tea? Coffee?

MIKE: A coffee would be great, cheers.

THIA: Cappuccino? Mocha? Latte? Macchiato?

MIKE: (Laughs) You got a Starbucks in here?

THIA: (Sniggers) Well they are taking over the world.

MIKE: (Looking around, mutters) Place seems big enough. If you wanted to have one installed. (Beat) Just a normal coffee will be fine.

THIA: I'll make you an Americano. Would you like sugar?

MIKE: (Suddenly sings) Sugar, du, du, du, du, du, du. Oh honey, honey....(Thia gives Mike an odd look and laughs) Sorry, force of habit. We sing a lot, to keep morale up, you know.

THIA: That's fine. My signings confined to the shower. (Beat) So, you want any? Sugar? Or honey? (Laughs) I have some of that too.

MIKE: Not for me, ta.

THIA: Suppose you don't get much of that over there.

MIKE: It's more I've got to stay fit.

THIA: Oh of course. If you'd like a smoothie, we have a nutri-bullet and plenty of fruit.

MIKE: Coffee will be fine thanks. Need perking up.

THIA: OK. (Exits)

MIKE: (Sniggers. Mutters) F*****g nuti-bullet. Macchiato. Living the life of luxury.

(Mike sits staring over at the flowers and vases, he stands up and starts messing about with the arrangement before quickly getting bored and moving onto having a browse around the living room. Thia enters with the coffee in hand)

MIKE: You have a lovely home.

THIA: Thank you. (Hands him the coffee) If it's too strong or too weak please just let me know.

MIKE: (Takes a sip) It's perfect. Ta. Best American I've had. (Thia notices her arrangement has been tampered with) Sorry I was just having a fiddle.

THIA: I actually really like that. Perhaps you could give me hand with some of the other arrangements. Me and Oliver are having some creative differences at the moment. As in, I'm creative, and he's just, well, different.

MIKE: Really? Oli's always been very creative.

THIA: What was he like when he was younger? You know he rarely speaks about his childhood, or anything to do......

MIKE: Nothing to tell really. Average upbringing.

THIA: I bet he was annoying as a child. He's annoying now, so I can only imagine what he was like when he was younger. Did you's two always get along or was there times when you fell out and.....

MIKE: Brothers fight. That’s' normal. But, yeah, when it comes down to it, we'd do anything for each other. Or at least I hope.

THIA: Don't suppose you've got any old photos, or videos?

MIKE: Not really no. Sorry. We weren't like that.

THIA: Oh god, my parent's are the most snap happy people you'll....(The sound of a key going in the door is heard) That's him, quick, hide in the kitchen. (Mike exits, Oli enters)

Hey.

OLI: (Noticing the bag on the floor) What have you brought now?

THIA: Oh, (Sarcastic) 'Hi honey, how are you? Had a good day?'.

OLI: A good day for you is shopping.

THIA: It's a surprise. Close your eyes.

OLI: No, just tell me what it is.

THIA: Close your eyes.

OLI: No! Just tell me!

THIA: Close, your, eyes!

OLI: Just, tell, me!

THIA: Argh! Why do you have to be so difficult?

MIKE: (Walks out) That's Oli.

OLI: (Stunned) Mike.

MIKE: How's it going?

OLI: When did you....have you.....

MIKE: A couple of days. That's all.

OLI: Wow. It's great to see you. (Moves towards him for a hug)

MIKE: Yeah it's been a while, ay.

OLI: You look good. Really good. Healthy.

MIKE: Cheers. Glasses suit you.

OLI: Thanks. Wasn't really a fashion choice. Mum know your back?

MIKE: Yeah. Saw her earlier.

OLI: How was she?

MIKE: Same old. But you. This is, this is something. I'm proud. Really proud.

OLI: Thanks.

MIKE: You did well baby brother.

OLI: Thanks.

THIA: What about nicknames? Bet you had a few of them for each other.

MIKE: (Sniggers) None of them savoury.

THIA: Go on. Tell us.

OLI: You haven't been interrogating him have you?

MIKE: Don't worry. I've been interrogated by worse people. You know, in the army (Looking directly at Oli).

THIA: Oh god. What was that like? What did they do?

OLI: Cynthia, please.

THIA: Sorry, that was insensitive of me.

MIKE: No it's fine. No use hiding it.

OLI: (To Cynthia quietly) Could we, you know, just have a little time to.......

THIA: Oh, yes of course. I'll give you chance to catch up.

OLI: Thank you.

THIA: You need anything give me a shout. (Beat) Oh, did you remember to print off those templates at work?

OLI: Sorry. Tomorrow. (Thia grunts and exits)

MIKE: She's really nice.

OLI: She is.

MIKE: And you have a lovely home.

OLI: It's not bad.

MIKE: It's more than not bad.

OLI: (Beat) So how was it? Honestly.

MIKE: Honestly. S**t. As you'd expect. But it toughened me up.

OLI: Yeah. (Beat) Listen, there's not a day that doesn't go by that.......

MIKE: Oli, the pasts the past. Lets' leave it at that. Yeah?

OLI: I just wanted you to know that I.....

MIKE: I know. You don't have to tell me. I can imagine. I mean, if it's all that I've thought about for the past ten years. God knows what you're feeling.

OLI: Yeah. Well. Like you said. The past is the past. Let's try and leave it there.

MIKE: Absolutely.

OLI: (Beat) So where you staying at the moment? What you up to now?

MIKE: I've got a job.

OLI: That was quick.

MIKE: Well that's what they do now, when you're discharged, before you're, they set you up with a job, make sure you got a chance to get back on your feet.

OLI: That's good. What is it you're doing?

MIKE: Fixing motors. Kinda like the old days. But I learnt a hell of a lot more about engineering while I was away. One of the few good things that came out of it. What are you doing these days?

OLI: Oh I'm just working in an office.

MIKE: What office? What's the job?

OLI: I'm basically a secretary.

MIKE: A secretary? Isn't that a woman’s job?

OLI: (Chuckles) Exactly.

MIKE: So, secretary to what?

OLI: It's just a small firm.

MIKE: Yes, and what do they do? This small firm.

OLI: (Beat) Their a small law firm. I'm a legal secretary.

MIKE: (Bursts into laughter) Wow. You just can't write this s**t. Did you have to pass the bar for that?

OLI: No, no, of course not. No. It's not one of those jobs.

MIKE: I was going to say. If you had, then, well, I would have expected to hear from you a lot sooner.

OLI: I mean, we don't deal with anything major, or at least I don't. It's not that kind of law firm.

MIKE: Did you have to go to university for that though?

OLI: Well I did, but not specifically for that, it was for, something else. But the degree didn't really contribute much to be honest. Bit of a waste really.

MIKE: Pfft. What a world ay.

OLI: (Sniggers) Yeah.

MIKE: So I haven't missed out on that much then?

OLI: Nah. Not really.

MIKE: Bet the parties were mental though. At uni. Ay?

OLI: Mmmm. It's not like people think. So where you staying?

MIKE: Well that's the awkward part. I've got a friend, said he'd put me up, problem is, he's not back from holiday yet.

OLI: When's he get back?

MIKE: (Shrugs) I've tried contacting him, but, probably can't receive calls wherever he is.

OLI: And where is he?

MIKE: I think he said Morocco, or Majorca, something like that. To be honest, partly the reason I went round to see mum was to see if she would be willing to put me up for a couple of days, but, to be honest, she was off with me.

OLI: That's just mum unfortunately. She's been off with everyone for a while. In fact, she still hasn't said yes to coming to the wedding. Haven't told Cynthia yet, so if you could.......

MIKE: Don't worry, you know me, good at keeping secrets.

OLI: And I did send you an invite. Honestly I did.

MIKE: No worries. They took most of our mail. Used it as a bargaining chip. But you know what I'm like, stubborn f****r. Think that must run through our family.

OLI: Is it like it is in the films and on tele?

MIKE: Worse. (Beat) So is it a boy or a girl?

OLI: We don't know yet.

MIKE: And what's mum think about that? She happy?

OLI: (Shrugs) Pfft.

MIKE: Coz she didn't really say much about you. Hardly told me anything. I asked but, she was very quiet. I found out from Cynthia. And even she was a shock.

OLI: I did write to you. Many times. But when you didn't respond I thought......

MIKE: Doesn't matter. It's just good to see you again. Good to see you've done so well.

OLI: Thank you.

MIKE: I meant what I said. I'm proud. I mean, considering everything. You couldn't have done better.

OLI: Cheers. (Beat) Look, if you need a place to stay for a couple of days you're more than welcome to stay here.

MIKE: I don't want to intrude.

OLI: Don't be silly. You're family. It's the least I can do.

MIKE: Will Cynthia mind?

OLI: No of course not. Hey, I may have a woman’s job, but I'm man of this house.

MIKE: (Laughs) Alright then. Cheers. I appreciate it. Hopefully will only be a couple of days like I said.

OLI: There's no rush, you've only just got back.

MIKE: Cheers. Means a lot. (Beat) Ay don't suppose you've got anything stronger than this coffee?

OLI: Um, I'll have a look, might be some wine.

MIKE: Not really a wine fan. But it's cool, we'll go out one night, have our first proper drink together. What do'ya say?

OLI: Yeah. Sounds great.

MIKE: And what's the rules on smoking?

OLI: Err, well neither of us smoke, so....but I'm sure outside or in the garden will be fine.

MIKE: Cool. (Noticing the Mercedes out the window) That your merc outside?

OLI: Yeah.

MIKE: Nice. You'll have to take me for a spin.

OLI: It's quite old now though.

MIKE: Looks still in good nick.

OLI: Mileage isn't great though.

MIKE: (Beat) So you gonna give me the grand tour?

OLI: Sure. This way's the kitchen.

MIKE: (Mutters) Where you keep your Starbuks?

OLI: What's that?

MIKE: (Laughs) Nothing. I gotta see this nutri-bullet bullocks.

OLI: It's actually rather handy if you're in a rush.

(Blackout)

Scene Three.

(Midnight. Oli and Thia are laying in bed. Thia is fast asleep. Oli is wide awake. He seems very uptight. He thinks he hears an alarming noise coming from downstairs. He decides to pursue it, he creeps out of bed trying not to wake Cynthia and creeps downstairs where Mike is sleeping on the sofa. He looks around him and down at Mike who appears to be sound asleep. Once he is reassured that there is nothing out of the ordinary he begins to creep back upstairs again. Mike casually opens his eyes and sniggers to himself before closing them again and rolling over to his other side. Oli gets back into bed with Cynthia and she begins to stir)

THIA: Weird.

OLI: What?

THIA: That dream.

OLI: What was it about?

THIA: No idea. Was just weird.

OLI: Ow.

THIA: How long you been awake?

OLI: Not long. Just woke up to go to the toilet.

THIA: Old man bladder. (Beat) Is he alright downstairs? On that sofa.

OLI: Yeah, he's fine. Slept in worse places.

THIA: Must be strange for him. Both of you.

OLI: Yeah. It is a bit weird.

THIA: Being away that long, not knowing whether you're going to ever return, and then......Hey, why don't you ask him to be your best man?

OLI: I've already asked Mark.

THIA: Yeah but Michael's your brother.

OLI: I can't just fob Mark off.

THIA: But Michael's your family.

OLI: I know, but, who knows how long he's gonna be around. He might have to go back yet. We don't know. So I don't wanna get his hopes up and then.....

THIA: I think it would mean a lot to him.

OLI: Which is exactly why I don't want to jinx it.

THIA: Alright. Whatever.

OLI: No don't do that.

THIA: What?

OLI: You say alright and whatever as if you don't care, but clearly you do, but to be honest, I don't know why you're so concerned with who's going to be my best man. Am I bothered about who you're choosing to be your bridesmaids?

THIA: Look, I get more than one pick, so really there's not that much pressure for me to make the Wright decision, but there's only ONE, BEST man, so you want to make sure that you make the WRIGHT decision. Because.......

OLI: Yes but it should be MY decision. That's the whole point of ME choosing.

THIA: And it is YOUR decision. But 'I', just don't want YOU to make the wrong one. So 'I', am simply suggesting YOU give it some more consideration. That's all.

OLI: OK. I'll consider it. Conversation over. (Cynthia huffs and rolls away from Oli, closing her eyes. Pause. Mutters) Love you. (She appears to be asleep)

(Oli still lies awake deep in thought. The lights slowly fade down on Oli wide awake. Fade to blackout)

Scene Four.

(Living room. Morning. Oli enters in his pyjamas, he looks tired, Mike sits up from the sofa in hearing him enter)

MIKE: Alright.

OLI: Morning. Get a good nights sleep?

MIKE: Great thanks. You?

OLI: Yeah, fine. (Trying to conceal a yawn)

MIKE: It's actually very comfortable on here.

OLI: Do you want a tea or coffee?

MIKE: Nahhh, just gonna go out for a smoke (Stands with his pack of cigarettes).

OLI: It's raining a bit.

MIKE: Or maybe not (Sits back down with disappointment).

OLI: Should clear soon. Supposed to be clear sky’s today.

MIKE: Hopefully. I'm gagging for one. It's like my morning piss.

OLI: You know if it was just me here I'd......

MIKE: No, no it's fine. I'm used to having rules. It's good for me. Keeps me in check.

OLI: How about some breakfast? What do you normally have?

MIKE: (Laughs to himself) Got any slop?

THIA: (Enters wearing her night gown which is slightly revealing) Morning.

MIKE: Morning.

THIA: Sleep well?

MIKE: Fine thank you.

THIA: Sorry we can't offer you more than the sofa.

MIKE: No worries. It's one of the best night's sleep I've had in a while.

THIA: Ah that's good. Can I get you something to drink? Tea, coffee....

OLI: I already.....

MIKE: Actually, I'll have one of those lovely coffee's you made me the other day.

THIA: OK.

OLI: (Discreetly to Thia) Where's your dressing gown?

THIA: Upstairs, why?

OLI: Don't you think you should......

MIKE: Where's the nearest newsagents?

THIA: Literally just a five minute walk down the road, probably not even that.

MIKE: Cool.

THIA: What do you need?

MIKE: Just some credit for my phone and a few other bits and bobs.

THIA: Well you're always welcome to use our landline, or borrow my mobile.

MIKE: Cheers. But as I said, I don't want to be any inconvenience.

THIA: It's no inconvenience. If you want, I'll take you to the newsagents once I'm dressed.

OLI: It's arlight, I can drive him when I leave for work.

THIA: No point driving, be good to get some fresh air.

MIKE: Yeah, OK, ta.

OLI: Babe, could I get a coffee as well please.

THIA: And do you want your usual?

OLI: Yes please.

THIA: Michael, anything I can get you for breakfast?

MIKE: Not at the moment thank you, and you can call me Mike.

THIA: (With a smile) OK. (Exits)

MIKE: Good as gold she is.

OLI: That's why I'm marrying her.

MIKE: Wise man. Lock her down before anyone else gets their grubby mitts on her. (Beat) She got any mates who are single?

OLI: Um, not sure.

MIKE: Coz let's just say, a f*g's not the only thing I’m gagging for.

OLI: (Fake laughs, beat) So this job you've got. When is it you start?

MIKE: Should be within the next week.

OLI: Ah. So you don't actually have an official start date?

MIKE: Nope. I need to chase them up about it. Which is why I need more credit.

OLI: Well like Cynthia said, you're welcome to use our home phone.

MIKE: Cheers. (Beat) I've got a bit of money saved up, not a lot, I can give you some of that.

OLI: What? No I don't want your money. Why would I want your money?

MIKE: For staying here.

OLI: No, you don't have to pay me. Don't be ridiculous.

MIKE: I just don't want you thinking I'm some sort of scrounger.

OLI: Of course I don't think that. Don't be daft.

MIKE: Alright then. But if you change your mind.

OLI: I won't.

MIKE: OK. (Beat) So what does Cynthia do all day while you're at work?

OLI: Well usually she's at work as well, but, she works in a college, and obviously it's shut over the summer.

MIKE: Ha! Is that what you call that out there? 'Summer'.

OLI: It should brighten up.

MIKE: Hope so. If it don't soon, I'll risk a soggy cigarette.

OLI: Why don't you just take a morning piss? Counteract the cravings.

MIKE: (Chuckles) There he is!

OLI: What?

MIKE: I was beginning to think all this normality had made you dry. Good to see you've still got a bit of banter in ya.

OLI: Oh I'm full of banter. I'm banterrific!

MIKE: We'll see. (Beat) I tell ya what I do need. A morning something else. (Rubbing his stomach and gesturing to upstairs) Mind?

OLI: New rule, I don't need to know what you do in my bathroom (Gesturing as if to say, 'off you go').

MIKE: I think you'll know when you smell it.

OLI: Dear god. There's air fresher under the sink in the cupboard.

MIKE: Wicked. (Goes to exit but turns back) At least she'll have some company now.

OLI: Ay?

MIKE: Cynthia. While you're at work. At least she won't get bored. I can give her a hand with the planning for the wedding. (Sniggers) Yesterday I started on the flower arrangements. (Exits)

(Oli is left with a look of worry. Cynthia enters with a cup in one hand a plate of toast and Marmite in the other)

THIA: I'm not sure if this is the one without sugar.

OLI: What are we going to do about tomorrow?

THIA: What do you mean?

OLI: Your parents are coming round.

THIA: Yeah. So?

OLI: So, might be a bit odd if suddenly there's some man randomly living with us.

THIA: Some man?

OLI: You know what I mean, to them he's just some man.

THIA: No I think they'd love to meet him. They often ask about your side of the family. They're very intrigued.

OLI: Intrigued? In what way?

THIA: Just curious. That's all.

OLI: Not everyone has a large family.

THIA: Yes I know. Which is why you need to cherish those you do have.

OLI: I do cherish him. What makes you say.....

THIA: You're just.....A little, seems like you're off with him a bit, I don't know. I don't really know much about your relationship.

OLI: I haven't seen him in years, what do you expect? It's not going to be exactly as it was, not immediately.

THIA: He's been through a lot, you need to remember that.

OLI: I do! That's not.....I just, I don't, look, that's one of the reasons, I don't want your mother and father pressing him for information about it, you know, coz it's, must bring back a lot of bad memories for him. And I don't......

THIA: My parent’s aren't idiots. They're not going to ask him fifty questions.

OLI: I'm not saying they are, just, if you make them aware before hand that it's a bit of a touchy subject then........

THIA: He seemed fine discussing it yesterday, in fact he even said it's fine.

OLI: Well of course he's going to say that, but, listen, he's not like me and you, you know, he's um......Well he's just, different. You know, he's, well, let's just say, your parents may not agree with some of his views and opinions on the world.

THIA: They're very open minded individuals Oliver. When have they ever demonstrated themselves to be anything otherwise?

OLI: I'm not saying their not. That's not what I'm saying. I'm just.....Oh forget it.

THIA: Stop worrying. That's supposed to be my job, remember?

OLI: Yeah.

THIA: They'll love him. I know they will.

OLI: And if they don't?

THIA: The weddings off. (Beat, laughs) Honestly, you're over thinking this. My parent's are very understanding people, regardless of what you believe.

OLI: (Beat) Maybe I'm just coming down with something. Don't feel great this morning.

THIA: (Placing her hand on his forehead) Temperature seems fine.

OLI: Perhaps I should take the day off. Just to be on the safe side.

THIA: Oh no you don't. This wedding isn't going to pay for itself. (Looking at the clock) Speaking of which, you better get that non-existent a*s into gear otherwise you're going to be late. (Taps him on the butt)

OLI: I have an a*s! I just don't go around flaunting it.

THIA: (Laughs) You could wear one of my thongs and you still wouldn't see a thing.

OLI: Ah crap! Literally!

THIA: What?

OLI: Mike's in the bathroom. Hopefully he'll be out soon.

THIA: Well tomorrow you'll have to get up earlier to do what you need to do.

OLI: I need the toilet myself now.

THIA: I'm sure he won't be long. (Beat) Ah that's a point. Maybe you need to have a conversation with him before my parents come round, about the baby. Make sure he knows to keep it quiet.

OLI: Yeah alright. (Beat) Coffee goes straight through me in the mornings. (Beat) C'mon.

THIA: And we're going to have to start thinking soon about our living situation. Obviously babies going to need it's own room eventually.

OLI: Yeah. (Beat) Please god don't be long.

THIA: (Laughs) You and your old man bladder.

(Blackout. Lights up, time has passed, Oli is furiously pacing, in desperate need of the toilet)

OLI: Ah, this is ridiculous. I'm going to have to go in the sink in a minute.

THIA: No you don't.

OLI: I'm gonna have to! I'm gonna go bang on the door.

THIA: No don't be rude. Just give him a minute.

OLI: How many minutes does he need! (Pause) No I'm sorry, this is happening. (Runs into the kitchen)

THIA: No!

(Blackout. Lights up, more time has passed. Oli is fully dressed for work but looks a bit of a state, he is soaking himself in deodorant and is trying to style his messy hair as best as he can without any products)

OLI: Is there a spare tooth brush anywhere?

THIA: Don't think so. Mines in the bathroom, next to yours.

OLI: Oh for......(Looking at his watch) Never mind, I've gotta go. (Leans in to kiss her but she pulls away because of his breath)

THIA: Sorry.

OLI: (Sarcastic) Today's gonna be great, I'm sensing it already! (Storms out slamming the door behind him)

THIA: Love you!

(There's a brief moment of silence before the sound of a toilet flushing is heard. A moment after Mike casually strolls into the living room whistling, not a care in the world, looking around him nonchalant)

MIKE: Ah. Oli gone?

THIA: Yeah, just left.

MIKE: That's a shame. Didn't get to say bye. (Beat, with a smirk) So, what's on today's agenda? More flower arranging? Or do you need help with your dress?

(Blackout)

Scene Five.

(Lights up, later in the day. Oli returns home from work, he looks exhausted, Mike and Thia seem very enthused by something in relation to the wedding, so much so Oli is not immediately acknowledged as he walks through the door)

THIA: Yes! Great idea!

MIKE: And then you can have the other platters scattered around the edges.

THIA: I love it.

MIKE: Wow, I'm starving now, all this talk of food.

THIA: I'll get dinner on soon.

MIKE: You know I can cook for myself, you don't have to......

THIA: No, but I want to. (Beat) Hey honey.

MIKE: You alright mate? You don't look too good.

OLI: (Mutters) Should have stayed in bed this morning.

MIKE: What's up?

THIA: Awww, are you still not feeling well? (Goes to give Oli a hug but he pulls away because of a smell) What? Are you getting revenge from.....

OLI: No. Have you been.....

THIA: I was outside talking to Mike while he was having one.

OLI: Oh, OK. But you haven't......

THIA: No. Of course not.

MIKE: It's been a productive day.

THIA: It has. (Muttering to Oli) I may just make him my best man. (Normal speaking voice) We've done a lot. Decided on the en-trays and......

OLI: Slow down. Be nothing left for me to plan.

THIA: Well you did say whatever makes me happy would make you happy, so I thought......

OLI: I don't mind but, you know, just keep me in the loop.

THIA: (Sarcastic) No I was thinking of having the wedding without you. (Mike laughs loudly)

OLI: Well I didn't forget this time. (Pulls out the templates from his bag, gives them to Thia)

THIA: Ah great! (Hands them to Mike) Tomorrows task. If you're up to it.

OLI: I was actually thinking of staying home tomorrow, I'm honestly not feeling great. Should have stayed home today really. Feel worse now.

THIA: Awww baby. (Comforting him)

MIKE: He just needs to toughen up a bit. His immune systems always been weak. Ay? (Beat) 'Make sure you take care of Oliver'. Mother used to always say.

THIA: Awww, poor boy. Maybe we should get you to bed.

OLI: No it's fine. I can take care of myself.

THIA: Alright big boy.

MIKE: (Sniggers) Guys, can we leave the bedroom talk for when I'm not here.

THIA: (Laughs) Mike!

OLI: (Firm tone) Yeah that's not really appropriate Michael. (Exits abruptly, there's a brief uncomfortable silence)

THIA: Sorry about that.

MIKE: No it's fine, he's clearly not well.

THIA: Yeah. I know he's also stressed. So. He'll come back down. Just give him a minute.

MIKE: Yeah. (Pause)

THIA: Right, better get dinner going.

MIKE: Need any help?

THIA: I'm fine thank you.

MIKE: You sure? Really I'm the one who should be cooking for you. Both of you, a thank you for letting me stay.

THIA: That's not necessary. Honestly.

MIKE: I'm a good cook believe it or not.

THIA: Is that another skill you learnt in the army?

MIKE: I've always been a good cook. Used to cook all the time for mum, Oli.

THIA: What about your father?

MIKE: What about him?

THIA: Did he like your cooking?

MIKE: When he was around.

THIA: What do you mean?

MIKE: I mean, when he was home. Worked a lot.

THIA: I see.

MIKE: Maybe that's Oli's trouble. Work's too hard. Too much. I don't know.

THIA: He's a good man your brother.

MIKE: Oh yeah, definitely. (Beat) But I was thinking, perhaps I can cook for you all tomorrow night.

THIA: Please don't feel obligated to.......

MIKE: There's no obligation. I enjoy cooking. And it's been a while, long while, since I've had the opportunity to do so. I've missed it. A lot, so if anything, you'd be doing me a favour.

THIA: (Beat, smiles) Alright then. Sure.

MIKE: Thank you. Find out what your mum and dad want and I'll try my best to rustle it up.

THIA: OK. Will do. But tonight, I'm the one cooking.

MIKE: (Gestures towards the kitchen) It's all yours.

(Thia smirks and exits, Mike stands with a grin. Blackout)

Scene Six.

(Thia, Mike, Oli and Oli's parents are all sat around a dining table having just finished dinner. Everyone, except Oli, is engrossed in a story Mike is telling)

MIKE: So I quickly duck behind this.....This, rubble, and suddenly everything goes quiet. And that's when you've got to worry the most, when it's all quiet. And then I hear this almighty scream. I turn around, and he's lying on the floor, grabbing onto his leg, his calf muscle. Crying in agony. And I think, well why have they stopped shooting? He's out in the open. They've got him pinned down. Why not just finish him off? And then I realised, it's obvious, init?

STEPHEN: They wanted to use him as bait.

MIKE: Exactly! They were trying to draw me out! They couldn't get at me from where I was. Couldn't get a clear shot. So I've got two options. Do I continue to safety? Or, do I risk my own life going back to get him? So what did I do? Of course, I continued. (They seem thrown. Beat, Mike laughs) Of course I didn't!

CLEMENTINE: We wouldn't think any less of you, must be an utterly awful situation to be in.

MIKE: No I went back. Of course I did. I wouldn’t have been able to continue knowing that I left a defenceless man to die. That's not how we do things.

STEPHEN: I have to say, you're more man than me.

MIKE: Don't be silly. It's just what we're trained to do.

CLEMENTINE: Well I can safely say you're certainly a better cook than Stephan.

THIA: (Thia laughs) I can also contest to that.

STEPHEN: (With a smirk) Oh, well, I suppose I best give up in the kitchen then, leave it all to you Clementine.

CLEMENTINE: Practice makes perfect dear.

THIA: Perhaps you could teach Oliver a thing or two.

OLI: Nothing wrong with my cooking.

THIA: No but there's always room for improvement.

MIKE: Oliver’s improved a lot actually. In many areas. (There's a moment of silence between them as they just stare at one another, a slight tension rises)

CLEMENTINE: Do tell. (No immediate response)

THIA: Yeah, what was Oliver really like as a child? I mean honestly.

MIKE: Honestly? Bit of brat. But I suppose most kids are.

CLEMENTINE: Sounds a little like Cynthia.

THIA: No I wasn't!

CLEMENTINE: You were!

STEPHEN: Just a little dear. But as Michael quite rightly said, a lot of children are. I know I had my moment's growing up.

OLI: Michael certainly had his alright.

MIKE: (Suggestively) Yeah. Shall we tell them our biggest moments?

CLEMENTINE: Owwww. Interesting.

MIKE: Well. Depends how deep you want to dig.

OLI: (With an intense stare) Careful, don't want to end up burying yourself by accident. (Mike laughs it off, as does Oli as he gives a slight chuckle)

STEPHEN: (Beat) No but, in all seriousness, that was a lovely meal. I much enjoyed it. And I've much enjoyed meeting you.

CLEMENTINE: Here-here.

MIKE: Thank you, both, you're too kind. Really.

STEPHEN: No. You're an inspiration. Truly. (Mike smiles beaming)

OLI: So how exactly did you make it out of there alive? I mean, how did you end up rescuing him from being pinned down? I'm curious. Must have been extremely difficult, what with him now having a bullet in one leg.

MIKE: Yes. Yes it was difficult. Very, difficult. (Pause)

THIA: If you're not comfortable speaking about Mike, don't feel that you.......

OLI: He's fine with it, been speaking about it all night. Hardly stopped.

MIKE: Yeah it's fine. Just, don't want to rabble on about it, like Oliver said, maybe I have banged on a bit too much and I don't want to.......

CLEMENTINE: Don't be ridiculous. I find it fascinating.

STEPHEN: Yes it is rather intriguing to listen to, though of course if you're not comfortable speaking about it, then please do not feel you must continue in order to entertain us.

CLEMENTINE: Oh no, please don't do that. We're not writing a book or anything. Not trying to gather research here.

MIKE: (Chuckles) Well, let's just say, the next part of the story is a bit, gruesome, and, not sure it's ideal just before dessert.

STEPHEN: That's fair enough.

OLI: What's for dessert, blood orange sun......

THIA: Oliver!

MIKE: (Sings) Oli-ver, Oli-ver, never was a boy wanted more, Oli-ver, Oli-ver.......

OLI: Yes! Because that never gets old.

STEPHEN: You know that's one of my favourite musicals.

MIKE: Mine too. Oli hates it Ironically.

CLEMENTINE: What is for dessert? I'm currently trying to watch my weight, however if it's as good as the main, than it would be criminal to deny.

MIKE: Oh I'm sure people have been locked up for worse things (With a glance towards Oli). But it's a lemon drizzle cheesecake, unfortunately I didn't make it.

CELEMENTINE: Then would you think ill of me if I declined? I'm still rather full.

MIKE: Of course I wouldn't think ill of you. I don't think ill of anyone. It's your body, you chose what you do with it, or put in it.

CLEMENTINE: (With a smile) Thank you.

STEPHEN: I'll have her portion then. (Everyone laughs except Oliver) Love a lemon drizzle.

THIA: You know Mike also helped me decide on some of the catering for the wedding. He's got a good eye for good food.

CLEMENTINE: Ah. You'll be there I hope.

MIKE: It depends, you know, if I get called back up. You never know.

CLEMENTINE: Well if you're around. You'll come? Yes, be a shame not to have you there.

STEPHEN: Indeed. Great shame

MIKE: I'll come If I can. Wouldn't want to miss my little brothers birthday, would I?

THIA: Promise us. Promise if you're still here, you'll come.

MIKE: I promise.

THIA: Good.

CLEMENTINE: Any women in your life at the moment Michael?

STEPHEN: (With a playful nudge) Easy Clem.

MIKE: (Sniggers) Not at the moment.

CLEMENTINE: Well I'm sure there's plenty of women who would be interested in a man who can cook as well as you, and especially one so brave.

MIKE: Cheers.

CLEMENTINE: Any of your bridesmaids looking for a husband Cynthia?

THIA: I know some of them looking to get rid of their current husband. (Chuckles)

OLI: Charming.

STEPHEN: (Beat) Who's your best man Oliver?

OLI: Good friend of mine from work.

STEPHEN: Oh. Right.

OLI: (Beat) I would have asked Mike but, like he said, he never knows when he'll have to leave again.

STEPHEN: I see.

MIKE: Still, would have been nice to have been asked.

OLI: Think I mentioned it in one of the letters I sent.

MIKE: Those damn letters that never arrived.

CLEMENTINE: That's a shame.

STEPHEN: Real shame.

THIA: Don't worry dad. We've already had this conversation.

OLI: Yes, we have, so no point repeating it.

THIA: OK. (Beat, stands) So dad, dessert? (He nods)

MIKE: (Stands) Let me get it.

THIA: No, you've done enough.

CLEMENTINE: Yes, sit down, relax.

MIKE: It's fine. What about you Oliver? Do you want some, (Imitating the voice of Mr. Bumble from Oliver) MORE. (Stephen laughs, Oli rolls his eyes)

OLI: That would have made sense if I had already had some dessert, but.......

THIA: And mum, you're sure you don't want any?

CLEMENTINE: No thank you. I already have one food baby. I don't want twins. (They laugh)

MIKE: (To Thia) When do you find out by the way?

THIA: (Dazed) Sorry?

MIKE: If it's a boy or a girl.

(They all look stunned. A short silence falls over the table. Thia looks straight to Oliver with a blame-full gaze)

OLI: (Fake laughs) He means her food baby.

MIKE: (To Oliver) Sorry, was I not supposed to.........

CLEMENTINE: Oh my god Cynthia, are you actually pregnant?

STEPHEN: I did say to you, I've never known our daughter to turn down a glass of wine.

THIA: We wanted it to be a surprise.

CLEMENTINE: You certainly achieved that.

MIKE: I'm so sorry, I didn't realise......

OLI: I told you! Earlier.

MIKE: Did you? I don't think..........

STEPHEN: Doesn't matter, cats out of the bag now. Would have clawed its way out eventually. These things always do.

THIA: We wanted to wait for the perfect time. After the wedding. We were thinking after the ceremony.

MIKE: Look, let me grab these plates, I'll start on the washing up, then get you those deserts. Give you chance to talk. (Starts gathering the plates and cutlery hurriedly)

CLEMENTINE: It's quite alright Michael, honestly. It's not exactly bad news, but, just, well, under the circumstances.

(Mike exits with the plates)

STEPHEN: What your mother means to say is, it's excellent news and we're very happy for you, however a little shocked at the way in which this news has come out.

CLEMENTINE: Yes of course we're happy for you. It's amazing news. It is. Honestly. You know I've always wanted to be a grandmother. However, as your father said, it's all a bit, sudden.

OLI: Michael ruined the moment.

THIA: It was hardly his fault.

STEPHEN: Yes lets not blame the poor man.

OLI: But earlier I honestly did......

CLEMENTINE: What's done is done.

STEPHEN: Was just a slip of the tongue. Can hardly be helped. Let's forget it. Now we kn0w. There. Now we can truly celebrate.

CLEMENTINE: Well I don't think it's fair to continue drinking alcohol around a pregnant woman.

THIA: It's OK mother, as long as you're happy.

CLEMENTINE: Yes of course I'm happy! Why wouldn't I be?

THIA: I don't know, I just......It doesn't matter, as long as you are, that's all that's important.

STEPHEN: Look, just because your mother and I did things the traditional way, doesn't mean we expect you to.

(The door bell rings)

CLEMENTINE: Though they will need to be christened of course.

THIA: Oh absolutely. Of course.

STEPHEN: I think that was the door.

THIA: (To Oli) Do you want to see who that is?

OLI: Not really.

(Door bell rings again)

THIA: Could be an early delivery.

OLI: Early? It's almost eight o'clock.

THIA: (Nudging him) Go on.

(Oli stands with a huff and makes his way to the door)

STEPHEN: So do you know whether it's a boy or a girl yet?

THIA: No. We were going to have the scan, but then we decided we'd rather it be a surprise, for us as well as others.

CLEMENTINE: Do you not think that's slightly impractical? Planning wise.

THIA: Well........

(Point of focus shifts to Oli at the door speaking to a shady looking stranger, the others on stage continue to mime or speak at a low volume)

STRANGER: Is Mike home?

OLI: Who are you?

STRANGER: His parole officer.

OLI: Um, no, no he's not.

STRANGER: You sure about that?

OLI: Yes.

STRANGER: Where'd he go?

OLI: Not sure.

STRANGER: Any ideas?

OLI: No. He left this morning and hasn't been back since.

STRANGER: You do realise that doesn't look great on him. He's supposed to check in with me daily, keep me updated on what's going on. You make sure to tell him that.

OLI: Will do, don't worry. I really.......

STRANGER: He's certainly landed on his feet here. Lovely home you have.

OLI: He doesn't live here. It's only temporary. I don't mean to be rude but..........

THIA: (Diverts her attention to Oli at the door) Anything interesting?

OLI: (To stranger) I tell you what give me your number and I'll give you a ring if he turns up again, because at the moment I've got guests and I really need to.......

STRANGER: It's OK. You just tell him if you see him again Dougie was looking for him.

OLI: Dougie. OK. Will do. See you later. (Quickly closes the door and returns to the others)

THIA: Well?

OLI: Oh, just got the wrong address.

STEPHEN: Ah. So Oliver, we were just discussing......

OLI: Sorry, could you excuse me for a minute.

STEPHEN: Of course.

OLI: Desserts taking its time. (Sniggers and heads into the kitchen where Mike is just stood on his phone) What happened to doing the dishes?

MIKE: Huh? Oh. Just leaving them to soak for a minute. Are you gonna give me.....

OLI: Guess who I just had at the door. Your bloody parole officer.

MIKE: Parole officer?

OLI: Yeah, Dougie. (A worried expression falls over Mike's face)

MIKE: Does that mean they know?

OLI: No. But what happens if he comes back and I'm not here. And it's just Cynthia in.

MIKE: Well if I'm in I'll tell him to clear off.

OLI: What happened to that job you were supposed to be starting?

MIKE: Still not sorted.

OLI: Why not? (Mike shrugs) How can you not know!

MIKE: I'm working on it alright.

OLI: No you're not. There isn't even a job, is there?

MIKE: (Beat) You know I've been thinking. Who does all this covering up benefit? Me, or you? Who are you lying to protect?

OLI: I'd say you were doing a great job out there. In fact I'd say you were loving it. Getting right into character you are.

MIKE: Hey, I'm just working with what you gave me.

OLI: And what about that baby bollocks? I specifically asked you earlier.........

MIKE: Sorry mate, I legitimately......

OLI: No! You did that on purpose!

MIKE: Oh give over! Why would I.......

OLI: Revenge. That's why you're here. You want revenge. Just admit it. I wouldn't blame you.

MIKE: (Laughs) Revenge. Are you serious?

OLI: I don't know Mike, what is it that you do want? Huh? Money? You want me to pay you to keep your mouth shut. Pay you to go away. That it?

MIKE: No. I don't want your money. Money cant solve s**t.

OLI: Then what?

MIKE: You're a f*****g dickhead sometimes. I'm your brother, and I just want to be treated like it, alright? That's all. I mean after everything I've sacrificed for you, you're just......

OLI: And there it is!

MIKE: What?

OLI: You say you want to leave the past in the past but I know that isn't true. I know you'll always hold that over my head!

MIKE: I just want a little more appreciation is all. A little more respect.

OLI: Likewise.

MIKE: What do you mean, 'likewise'?

OLI: It's like you're trying to undermine me out there.

MIKE: Oh f**k off! You're paranoid! Always have been! Always will be! That's why you're making me out to be the villain when really it's you thats.......

OLI: Keep your f*****g voice down.

MIKE: (Beat) You know you talk about me getting into character, but you, you're like a f*****g shape shifter. It's like you've completely transformed. Turned into this, this, middle class, upper class, snooty s**t. I'm actually kinda glad this isn't what I turned into, because you know this could have easily been me, don't ya? If I hadn't have done what I done. Done the right thing. I could be sat up on that high f*****g horse right now, looking down on you and everyone else. But you easily forget.......

OLI: I haven't forgot s**t. How could I? What? You think that's just something you can walk away from. Easy as that. Like your the only f*****g victim here.

MIKE: Well, seems to me like you've managed to not only walk away from it, but f*****g run. By the looks of things. You know mum said you were the one that stopped going round there, not the other way round, like you're almost ashamed of her now. Like that wasn't the woman who gave birth to you. Like you wasn't raised in that home, like that wasn't the same place that you decided to........

OLI: (Gets in Mike's face aggressively) Not another f*****g word. I'm warning you Mike. You f*****g keep it up, and I swear, you'll see my other side. Because that's what you want init? That's what you came for. But you see this time, I wont give a f**k if it's me who goes to prison. Believe me.

MIKE: (Pause) Mmmm. Yeah, well. I don't. Wouldn't be worth it. Too much to lose now. But hey, it's your decision. Right? (Beat) And that's all it takes, just ONE decision. BELIEVE ME.

OLI: (Beat) I think you'd miss playing the soldier too much. Mr. Perfect. Mr. Brave. The big hero. (Beat) But when you really think about it, I was the hero, you talk about, 'doing the right thing', but, actually, in the end, I'm the one that f*****g saved the day, I'm the one that stood up, had the balls, while you just sat there and........

MIKE: F**k you. You aint the only one that's changed. I saw and did much worse things inside. So you don't scare me in the slightest. Baby brother.

OLI: I aint a f*****g baby no more. So don't, f*****g, test me. I mean it. C**t.

(They stare each other down. Mike cracks a smug grin)

MIKE: And there he is.

OLI: F**k you. Prick.

(Mike drops his grin. They continue to stare each other down. Thia suddenly appears)

THIA: How are those desserts coming along?

(They both turn and face her with big smiles)

OLI: Great

+ (Together)

MIKE: Fantastic.

THIA: OK.......Coz dads growing impatient.

OLI: Sorry, we just got chatting. About the good old days. Hey Mike.

MIKE: Yeah, Oli was helping me with the washing up. We'll bring them out now.

THIA: Thanks. (Leaves in an awkward manner)

(They instantly return to staring at each other)

OLI: (Mutters) F*****g lemon drizzle cake.

MIKE: It's a lemon drizzle CHEESE cake. You c**t.

OLI: Whatever. F**k-Witt.

(Blackout)

Scene Seven.

(Night. Both Oli and Thia are sat up in bed. Thia is reading something in relation to the wedding. Oli is restlessly sniffing the air)

OLI: Do you smell smoke? I smell smoke.

THIA: (Sniffs) A little.

OLI: (Leaps out of bed) I swear to god if he's......

THIA: (Pulling him back down) Oliver. Relax. Please. (Beat) Despite everything, tonight was a success.

OLI: But I did honestly speak to him about it before they arrived.

THIA: Well you have been slightly forgetful recently.

OLI: No Cynthia, I know exactly what I said.

THIA: OK. OK. It doesn't matter now. In fact, it feels better now that everything’s out in the open. If anything, he's done us a favour.

OLI: (Sniggers) A favour? You were adamant just the other day that you wanted to keep it a secret.

THIA: Yeah well, perhaps I was wrong.

OLI: Jesus Christ.

THIA: What?

OLI: I've never known you so quick to change your tune.

THIA: I'm not, I'm just......Thinking a little different in hindsight.

OLI: Right. (Pause)

THIA: My parents loved him. Just like I thought they would.

OLI: Good. (Pause)

THIA: And father was.......

OLI: No. Stop. Please.

THIA: What?

OLI: I can hear the clogs in your brain going round. I know what you're about to say, and you know the answer. How many times do we need to have this discussion?

THIA: And what discussions that exactly?

OLI: You know. I'm not going to mention it. I'm so tired of speaking about it.

THIA: OK, so if you can read my mind. What am I thinking now? (Stares at him with a disgruntled expression)

OLI: (Beat, snigger) You're thinking. 'Damn, I'm so lucky to be marrying this fine specimen of a man'.

THIA: Wrong!

OLI: OK. Maybe fine specimen was a little over board. Sexy beast?

THIA: You got the beast part right.

OLI: Well, every Beast needs his Beauty. (Snuggles in closer to Thia with a cheeky grin trying to instigate a physical engagement)

THIA: Smooth. But not smooth enough. (Shuffles slightly to the side)

OLI: Ah C'mon. You know what they say about married couples. We need to make the most of this time. (Starts to kiss her on the neck)

THIA: (Shuffles away more) No Oliver, Michaels downstairs.

OLI: So? He's an adult.

THIA: Still. I wouldn't be able to fully relax, knowing he could hear.

OLI: He's a heavy sleeper. Trust me. Would sleep through an air raid siren (Starts kissing her again).

THIA: (Pulling away) I'm not that loud. Am I?

OLI: No, no, I was just......You're quiet. Quiet as a mouse. (Starts up again)

THIA: (Pulls away) So I'm not loud enough for you?

OLI: Argh! No, that wasn't what I was.....C'mon, let's just enjoy ourselves. Please. It's been a while.

THIA: But I've got a busy day tomorrow.

OLI: So have I, with work. This is just what we need to rejuvenate ourselves.

THIA: (Beat) Oh alright then. (They start to fondle for a moment underneath the covers, but Thia suddenly stops) Though I really do wish you would reconsider.......

OLI: (Pushing her off) For f**k sake! (Rolls over in a strop)

THIA: Oliver! (No response) Oliver?

(Thia huffs and rolls over onto the other side. She abruptly flips off the lamp on the beside table. Blackout. A light fades up on Mike on the phone to someone speaking quietly)

MIKE: Yeah. So? I don't give a f**k, no. No. I don't wanna see your face round here any more. You wanna talk to me, we'll meet up somewhere. But not here. Because.....Because, are you a f*****g idiot or something? Yes, I'm working on it alright, but I'm not gonna be able to do anything if you f**k things up because you're sticking your nose in, am I? Right then, so back the f**k off alright. Tell him to wait. Give me some time and space. Yeah. Whatever, I'll tell him myself then, I don't care. You think I'm pissing in my pants right now? Yeah, yeah, whatever. Alright. Speak soon. (Ends the phone call. A worried expression falls over his face)

Scene Eight.

(Lights up on Mike laid out on the sofa awake, reading a TV guide. Oli enters looking sleep deprived and disgruntled, he sniffs the air)

OLI: Have you been smoking in here?

MIKE: No.

OLI: That's all I can smell.

MIKE: Probably just me.

OLI: It kept me awake last night.

MIKE: Sorry. I'll spray some air freshener about. You got any air freshener? (Oli does not answer, he scrambles about getting ready for work) Thia left early this morning.

OLI: Yeah. Busy day. Like me. (Grabs his briefcase and heads to the door) Off to work. You remember what that is? (Gives Mike a condescending look before exiting)

MIKE: (Mutters) C**t. (The sound of a car engine failing to start sounds repeatedly. Mike chuckles. Sings to himself) Get ya motor runnin, head out on the highway.....

(Shortly after Oli enters looking even more irritated)

OLI: F*****g thing!

MIKE: Everything alright?

OLI: Shut up! (Slams down his briefcase furiously. Mutters) Can't be late again. Have to phone for a cab. (Takes out his phone begins dialling a number)

MIKE: Or, you could just ask me to take a look at it.

OLI: And why would I ask you to.......(Realising) Are you even qualified?

MIKE: You don't need a degree when you got years of experience. Remember I used to help dad out all the time. In fact, I probably fixed more motors than him.

OLI: (Pause) Alright.

MIKE: Christ. Don't sound too grateful will ya.

OLI: Well you aint fixed it yet.

MIKE: (Gets up, removing the bed cover to reveal his rather unflattering boxers) Let's have a look then. (Moves towards the door)

OLI: Wait. Put some bottoms on first.

MIKE: I don't give a f**k.

OLI: My neighbours will.

MIKE: (Grunts as he searches for his bottoms) I thought you didn't wanna be late. (Puts some bottoms on) There. Happy?

(They exit together. Blackout. During the blackout the sound of a car starting is heard. Lights up, Mike enters a bit greasy, Oli runs on and grabs his briefcase and goes to dart off again)

MIKE: (Sarcastic) Oh thanks Mike. Much appreciated. Very kind of ya.

OLI: Yeah thanks. I appreciate it. Honestly. (As he goes to leave he is struck by a sudden thought which stops him in his tracks) I'm a f*****g idiot.

MIKE: Don't tell me you've just remembered you've got the day off.

OLI: You almost had me there.

MIKE: What you on about?

OLI: Oh C'mon. Nice try. Admittedly, nice try. For a second there you almost had me.

MIKE: I have no idea what the f**k.......

OLI: You planned this! You messed with my car so that you could swoop in and...........

MIKE: Oh f**k off! Here we go again! Your paranoia knows no bounds! You're just......

OLI: Stop it! Just stop it! You're not going to worm your way into my head like you have.....

MIKE: Me! It's you that's the poison! You're the irrational one! You're the one.......

OLI: Just f**k off out of my home! You're not going to destroy what.......

MIKE: You do that yourself! You! No one else! You! I genuinely thought you might have changed but you're just as selfish and.......

OLI: Oh piss off already!

MIKE: Oh I will! Don't worry about that! And this time I won't ever come back!

OLI: Good! (Abruptly exits)

MIKE: (Shouting after him) So long brother! Or should I say stranger! Because that's what you are! Just a stranger! That's all you've ever been to me! (Comes over quite emotional. He fights back tears. He sits and tries to compose himself, he takes a cigarette out and lights it defiantly) F**k you. F*****g dick head. Like it was my fault. It wasn't my fault! None of this is. None of it! (Beat) F**k it. He wants me to go. I'll go alright. (Mike stands and takes an expensive ornament from a mantel piece) Take this f*****g thing with me as well. (He goes to stuff it in his bag but then second guesses himself, stands for a moment in contemplation. He heads back to the shelf with it) Nah, f**k him, he aint gonna get the better of me. Nah. Neither of them are. C***s. I choose what I do, no one else. No one's the boss of me. I'm my own f*****g man. F**k em. F**k the lot of em. (Beat) I'm a good guy god damn it. Good guy.

(Mike slumps back down on the sofa, angrily muttering away to himself. He looks down at his opened duffel bag, he reaches inside and pulls out an opened envelope, from it he takes out a letter, he begins reading it, the reading of the letter appears to slowly calm him down. Slow fade to blackout on Mike reading the letter)

Scene Nine.

(Lights up. Thia is putting together some gift bags for the wedding. Oli returns home from work. He looks somewhat guilty at the sight of Mike's absence)

OLI: Hey.

THIA: Hey. Where's Mike?

OLI: Huh?

THIA: Michael, where is he? All his stuffs gone.

OLI: Oh, err, he got called back up unfortunately.

THIA: What, just like that?

OLI: Yeah. Unfortunately.

THIA: What he couldn't even wait to say goodbye?

OLI: That's just how these things work unfortunately.

THIA: You're lying.

OLI: I'm not. What makes you think......

THIA: You use the word unfortunately far too much.

OLI: That's because it is unfortunate. I didn't want him to go.

THIA: I don't believe you.

OLI: Why!

THIA: What really happened Oliver?

OLI: Why don't you believe me? Huh?

THIA: The other day at the table things seemed tense between you two. What was that all about?

OLI: You know what it was about, you know I wasn't happy with him blurting......

THIA: I mean before that. There was already some hostility there.

OLI: No there wasn't. I don't know where you're getting that from.

THIA: You were hostile towards him. I wasn't the only one that picked up on it.

OLI: Argh! Do you know what, if you think the sun shines out of Mikes backside so much, why don't you go ahead and marry him! (Goes to storm off)

THIA: Woe! Wait! Is that what it is? Is that what you think? I fancy him or something?

OLI: No but you seemed to have planed more of the wedding with him than you have me!

THIA: Only because he's actually interested!

OLI: Oh! And I'm not?

THIA: You were the one that suggested getting a wedding planner.

OLI: Look, I don't even know why we're having this argument. It's pointless. He's gone, and that’s it. OK?

THIA: No, it's not OK!

OLI: He's not your f*****g brother! He's mine! You're acting like he's part of your family!

THIA: But he will be! Don't you get it? That's what marriage is.

OLI: Yeah well I'm sorry. My families not perfect like yours, and they never will be!

THIA: Who said anything about being perfect! That's not what I want. I just don't want you to have any regrets is all.

OLI: Ha! It's far too late for that.

THIA: What's that supposed to mean?

OLI: Nothing.

THIA: No, what do you mean? What do you regret?

OLI: Doesn't matter.

THIA: What, me? Us?

OLI: No, no, no, of course not, no. That's not what I meant.

THIA: Then what Oliver! Speak to me!

OLI: (Pause) Not everything’s black and white.

THIA: Could you stop being so bloody cryptic please and just tell me.

OLI: (Pause) We haven't always got on. As kids, we rarely played together, didn't really have that, normal brother relationship. We used to argue, a lot, with each other, with mum, with dad. Was bit of a mad house to be honest. But, you know, that's what families do, right, they argue. It's natural. And then one day, one day.......There was a big fight and....Well, things just got worse and, we grew even further apart. And you know, that's when he left, to go to the army and, shortly after dad died, and, I had to look after mum. Which was hard because, well, what had happened, and, she was never the same after. I became the man of the house and, it was difficult. Because before, Michael was usually the one with all the responsibilities and, I suppose I had a bit of an easy ride really. He used to always say I was mums favourite, which is why she never made me do anything and he was the one left with all the chores and, I guess I, I got to feel what it was like being in his shoes and.....Mum kind of, I wouldn't say, didn't love me as much, but, there was definitely something different. We were both going through things but, we never really knew how to comfort each other, me and mum, so, it was like, although we were living under the same roof, we weren't really part of the same family, if that makes sense? Like, we were just two individuals living in the same house but with separate life’s. I mean, of course, obviously we had separate life’s, but, I don't know. Don't know how to explain it, but, it was just, a bit messed up is all.

THIA: (Beat) I know you've had it harder than me growing up, I know you have. Probably why I love you so much, because I know you've had to really work hard. I admire that you managed to get through all that s**t. I do. But believe me, me and my family used to argue all the time, we still do. As you said, it's only natural. The important thing is though, when a bridge is broken, you try your hardest to rebuild it. I think that's the true test of love. Family. I think if you can rebuild that bridge then......But, if you just let him walk away, and he does go back over there, and I hate to say it, and pray to god nothing will happen to him, but......

OLI: Nothing will happen.

THIA: You never know, but if it does, and it's too late to patch things up, think about how that's going to feel then. Which is what I mean when I talk about regrets.

OLI: Mmmmm. I just don't know if it's as simple as that.

THIA: (Pause) Then I'll make it simple. Either you patch things up with him, or I postpone the wedding.

OLI: What! That's ridiculous! You don't even know......

THIA: I'm doing this for you Oliver!

OLI: Are you! Are you really? Sounds like you're just making the choice for me.

THIA: Your a man. Men need a good kick up the a*s in order to get anything done.

OLI: I'd day that was you shoving your foot firmly up my rectum and literally pushing me to do it!

THIA: I've tried gentle coaxing, just doesn't work on you.

OLI: Well this isn't going to work either. (Throws himself down on the sofa and crosses his arms defiantly)

THIA: Good. Get comfortable there, because that's where you'll be sleeping until you sort this out.

OLI: What! No I'm not!

THIA: Yes you are! And you're also going to ask Michael to be your Best Man. Whether he is able to or not.

OLI: No woman! You cant control everything I do!

THIA: OK. We'll see. (Gives a cheeky grin before exiting. Oli sits in a huff, Thia shortly returns with some bedding which she places next to the sofa)

OLI: Yeah, nice try. There's no way you'd postpone the wedding. (She just looks at him, gives no response before exiting again) Cynthia!(Oli continues to sit in a huff, he lays out on the sofa testing its' comfortableness, he doesn't lay for long. Mutters) Jesus, how did Michael do that? (Oli sits again aggravated. Huffs and mutters) Suppose I'm making dinner. (Huffs again. Blackout)

Scene Ten.

(Lights up. Bar. Mike is drinking at a table alone, he has his bags with him and is on the phone to someone)

MIKE: No, no you f*****g don't. No, don't be stupid. Because it's alarmed, and has GPS tracking. He never leaves the keys behind. No, listen, what did I tell you? Yeah, and I'm working on it. I am! Because I haven't had chance, alright. It's not that simple. It's not! Just give me a couple more days, alright, a week even, yes, a week. These things take time, I told you. It'll be worth it. Just wait. Well tell him I'll get him five instead of four. Yeah, five, I can guarantee it. Trust me. Alright, just trust me. OK? Two weeks max. That's not long to wait. Look, I've got to go alright. Just don't f**k this up, be patient and I'll sort it. Trust me. Gotta go, bye. (Ends the phone call and takes a large swig of beer. There's a brief moment of silence before he gets another phone call) For f**k sake I said.......Oh. Yeah, yeah if you walk in and then turn to your.....

(Oli enters on the phone, they meet eyes and both hang up)

OLI: Alright?

MIKE: Yeah.

OLI: What was that all about?

MIKE: Huh?

OLI: Swearing down the phone.

MIKE: F*****g PPI. I got three calls today.

OLI: Gets on your tits don't it. (Sits down next to him. Beat) Where'd you stay last night?

MIKE: Managed to find a hostel.

OLI: Oh. I thought you might have tried mums.

MIKE: Nah. Not after last time.

OLI: (Beat) What the prices like in here?

MIKE: Well this was three twenty.

OLI: Ah. What is that?

MIKE: Cider.

OLI: Ah. You take after dad. (Pause) I didn't mean as in.......

MIKE: It's alright. I know what you meant.

OLI: Look about the other day I was......

MIKE: Let me guess, Cynthia begged you to come down.

OLI: No, she um......She just, got me thinking is all.

MIKE: Oh yeah? She achieved the impossible then.

OLI: (Slight snigger. Beat) Michael, it's not like I'm not grateful for everything you've done for me. I am. Really. It's just. Obviously when you just showed up, out the blue, I didn't really know, well, I didn't know what to expect or think and I just........

MIKE: I'll be honest. You were right. I did want revenge. Part of me really wanted to f**k things up for you. You know, when I saw what you had compared to what I......Of course there was that part of me. Couldn't be helped. But then I thought, no, no, it's not his fault. No. That was your decision. Your choice. No one asked you to do it. You just did it. You cant blame him for that.

OLI: Maybe if I was older, I wouldn't have, you know, I wouldn't have let you do it. But I was, I was just so......

MIKE: I couldn’t do that to mum. She loved you so much.

OLI: She loved you just as much as me.

MIKE: Don't know about that. But, you were the one that she had high hopes for. I didn't want her dreams to be shattered.

OLI: (Pause) You know it was an accident right? It wasn't my intention to.....

MIKE: Don't care. (Beat) He deserved it. And you were right about another thing. I've been jealous of you for many reasons, now, and back then. But, do you know what? I've honestly never been as jealous as when I saw you do what you did to him. Coz truth is, I'd wanted to do that for a very long time. But, like you said, I just didn't have the balls. So, if anything, here's to you. (Raises his glass and then drinks)

OLI: Michael, it's nothing to be proud of, I don't feel good about it, If I could turn back time........

MIKE: Nah, f**k that. He was a c**t to mum. It made me sick to even call him my dad. You know that was the first thing I done when I got out. Went and looked at his grave, the b*****d. Just had to remind myself of what it was all for. Almost made all those years wasted feel worth it. Seeing that sick f****r in the ground. (Beat) What annoys me the most is, how mum can have loved him, how she can still love him, miss him, after everything he put her through. She's f*****g mental. Well, I mean, she's always been mental, but, you know, there's crazy, and then there's just dumb.

OLI: Yeah. (Beat) I told her by the way. Years ago.

MIKE: Ay?

OLI: It was me. She knows. But to be honest, I think she always knew.

MIKE: I think so to. Doesn't explain why she never came to visit me though.

OLI: I guess she just, she wanted to try and forget it, and, I mean, she's never looked at me the same way either, so, you know that's just, that's just the unfortunate reality of the situation I suppose.

MIKE: Yeah. (Beat) So is that why you never visited?

OLI: (Pause) I can only apologise Michael. You know I was going through it myself back then. I was, pretty fucked up by it to say the least. And of course I felt guilty about you and, I suppose If I would have visited you then, that would have, you know.

MIKE: You would have felt more guilty?

OLI: Yeah. Exactly. Obviously I know that's no excuse to completely........

MIKE: No it's OK. I get it. I do.

OLI: But there were a few times when I did actually write to you. I swear. Like, four or five times.

MIKE: I know you did. (Unzips his duffel bag and takes out a torn envelope) I kept this one. (Slides it across the table to him, Oli takes out a ruffled piece of paper from the envelope and has a browse) You remember writing that?

OLI: Yeah, yeah. It was the first one I wrote. (Beat) Why this one? Not any of the others.

MIKE: Because it was the first. You know what they say, you can't beat the original.

OLI: You ever show this to anyone else?

MIKE: No. I'm not stupid. Please, give me some credit. God.

OLI: I just meant, you know, other inmates and that.

MIKE: Oh yeah, because people in prison are the most trust worthy people of all (Sniggers).

OLI: Wow. My hand writing was awful. I can barely read it myself.

MIKE: Shouldn’t be worried about it falling into anyone else’s hands then.

OLI: Pffft. Yeah. Looks like Morse code or something. (Places the paper back in the envelope and holds onto it)

MIKE: You hear Morse code.

OLI: Huh?

MIKE: Morse code's to do with sound, not.......We actually used that a lot inside. So guards wouldn't over hear any important s**t.

OLI: Ow. (Still hanging onto the letter)

MIKE: You gonna frame that or something?

OLI: Nah. Think it should be burnt because of my poor use of grammar alone (Sniggers).

MIKE: Here. I'll rebury it at the bottom of my bag. (Holds out his hand, Oli is reluctant to hand the letter back) You need to start trusting me Oliver. (Beat) C'mon. If I was planning to use it against ya in any way, I would have kept it a secret, wouldn't I? As I said, give me some f*****g credit. Please.

OLI: (Hands it back) It's not just that Mike, it's.......

MIKE: (Placing it back in his bag) I've kept my mouth shut for almost eleven years now. And I plan on making it twelve. Alright?

OLI: (Smiles) Cheers. It means a lot.

MIKE: (Beat) Are you not worried about what mum might say or do at the wedding?

OLI: Yeah, but, I'm hoping you'll keep her under control.

MIKE: Me? What, that mean I'm invited now?

OLI: You've always been invited.

MIKE: Have I?

OLI: Yeah, you're my brother Mike. Of course. (Beat) You're not just my brother. You're my best man. If you'll do me the honour.

MIKE: You serious?

OLI: Yeah of course.

MIKE: I thought you already had someone.

OLI: Oh he'll understand.

MIKE: Yeah, once you tell him your long lost brothers back from Iraq after heroically defending this country. (Gives him a cheeky wink and laughs)

OLI: (Slight snigger) I just, I met Cynthia and, she seemed too good to be true you know. And she comes from this well to do family and she and them have never......

MIKE: It's alright. As I said, I get it. It's OK. I don't blame you for wanting to start over. Given the choice, I would have done the same. So stop worrying. I'm not going to f**k it up for you.

OLI: Thanks Mike. I appreciate it. (Beat) So you'll be my best man?

MIKE: Well, first of all, I think you owe me a drink, or two. Then we'll talk.

OLI: (Laughs) Sure. What do you want? Another one of them?

MIKE: Ta. And get something for yourself, something alcoholic. It's about time we had that drink together baby brother.

OLI: Alright then. Cool. (Walks off to the bar, Mike sits with a smug grin)

MIKE: (He necks the rest of his pint and raises his glass towards Oli as if to say 'Cheers', he mutters to himself) Checkmate. (And slams his empty glass back down on the table)

(Blackout)

Scene Eleven.

(Lights up on Thia as she restlessly waits for Oli's return. It is late at night. She hears voices off stage and fumbling as she hears the sound of keys being dropped, followed by laughter and more fumbling. Suddenly Oli bursts through the door with Mike, both laughing and highly intoxicated. Mike throws his bags down on the floor)

MIKE: Honey, I'm home!

OLI: You f****r!

THIA: Looks like you's two have had a good night.

MIKE: Yep! Good night, Goodnight! (Throws himself onto the sofa)

THIA: (To Oli) I take it you sorted it out.

MIKE: (Sings) The boys are back in town, boys are back in town!

OLI: (To Mike) That was supposed to be my bed you b*****d.

MIKE: We can top and tail, like the good old days.

OLI: Are your toe nails still rotten?

MIKE: My toe nails aint rotten!

OLI: They used to be! F*****g looked like Wolverines hands. All sharp and hairy.

MIKE: No, look! (Takes off his socks and shoes and shows Oli his feet)

OLI: Still smell though.

MIKE: Coz I've been on them all day. Piss off you.

OLI: (Laughs) Let's not start this again.

THIA: I don't think I've ever seen you this drunk.

MIKE: Oh don't worry, I'm gonna get him even more pissed at the wedding.

THIA: So you're definitely coming?

MIKE: Course! I'm the best man! Can't miss it can I?

THIA: (With a smile) That's great news.

MIKE: Ah. Does that mean I'm responsible for sorting out the stag do?

THIA: Oh we're not doing the whole stag and hen thing.

MIKE: What! But that's traditional. He's gotta have a stag do!

THIA: We decided against it.

MIKE: What? Why?

OLI: Well, no, to be fair, you decided against it. And I just agreed. As usual. (Looks to Mike and laughs)

THIA: No. You yourself said that you weren't that bothered and you'd rather just have a quiet.......

OLI: Did I though?

MIKE: Oliver, look, you want one or not?

OLI: (Pause) Nah, it's alright.

THIA: See!

OLI: (Beat) Maybe, I'll have a think about it.

MIKE: OK. Just let me know yeah.

OLI: Yeah. Right. We got any of that wine left over from the other day?

THIA: It's almost eleven o'clock.

OLI: Almost. Which means there's still time for a night cap.

MIKE: I like your spirit brother! But you got anything else? (Laughs) Like a spirit!

OLI: Yeah sure we have somewhere. Thia?

THIA: I don't know. I'm not your barmaid.

OLI: No, but I'll be giving you a tip later. (Gives her a cheeky wink, Michael laughs, Thia looks embarrassed)

THIA: Oi! (Beat) Don't forget you have work in the morning Mr, and I don't want to have to listen to you wine about having a hang over.

OLI: Wine for the wine! (Laughs to himself)

THIA: Shhhh. Stop shouting. It's late.

MIKE: (Sings) It's too late to apologise, its too late! It's too late to apologise, it's.........

THIA: How about I make you both a nice hot coffee? Decaf of course.

MIKE: Decaf coffee's like........non-alcoholic beer. What's the point?

OLI: You got a point there. (Beat) Oi, do you remember when I replaced one of dads beers with a non-alcoholic one?

MIKE: (Laughs) Oh yeah. He went mental! Couldn't slip anything past that b*****d.

OLI: Yeah. (Sniggers) B*****d alright. (Suddenly becomes very aware again of Thia's presence)

MIKE: You know I'm really looking forward to writing this best man speech.

OLI: Yeah?

MIKE: Yeah. It's gonna be good. (Beat) Tell me, what's your fondest memory as a child? Or at least, what you remember the most?

OLI: Errr.......Not sure.

MIKE: Nothing springs to mind?

OLI: Um......Not really. (Awkward silence) I'm not exactly at full capacity here.

THIA: Look I'll make them coffee's anyway, and if you drink them you drink them, if you don't, you don't.

OLI: (Mutters to Mike) I have a feeling I'll be drinking mine anyway. (Thia throws Oli a dirty look before exiting)

MIKE: Owwwww. Careful, or we really will be top and tailing. (Laughs to himself)

OLI: F**k it.

MIKE: (Rising up) Actually, I may have to nip outside. Think it's ciggy o'clock. (Reaches for his cigarettes)

OLI: Don't bother.

MIKE: Ay?

OLI: You can smoke in here.

MIKE: You sure?

OLI: Yeah. Just tonight though.

MIKE: But won't Thia get the ump.

OLI: Thia's too used to getting her own way. And anyway, this is my house as well. I think I should be allowed to say who can smoke where, and what I drink when I drink it.

MIKE: Owwwwww. Check you out! Mr. big bullocks over here. (Takes out a cigarette and puts it in his mouth, pats himself down trying to find a lighter)

OLI: Nah, just tired of being a push over.

MIKE: Ay. Here's something I've never asked. You ever smoked yourself?

OLI: What, as in, have I ever rolled myself up and set myself on fire? (Sniggers)

MIKE: (Snigger) Ha, Ha. You know what I mean.

OLI: I haven't actually.

MIKE: Really? Never?

OLI: Nope. Never.

MIKE: Whys that?

OLI: Why'd you think? (Mike shrugs) Coming from our family. Addictive personalities and all that.

MIKE: You wont get addicted after just one.

OLI: So why you still smoking?

MIKE: Because. I didn't really have much else, you know, while I was away.

OLI: Right.

MIKE: They do really help you calm down. Relax you.

OLI: Really?

MIKE: Really. (Offering him one) Here. Try.

OLI: (Hesitant) I can't stand the smell though.

MIKE: I'm not suggesting you start chain smoking, I'm just saying, try something new for once in your life. I mean, s**t, if you can't even have a stag do before you're married.

OLI: (Pause, takes one) Alright. (Puts it in his mouth)

MIKE: So we've already ticked off first proper drink together, now we can tick this off the list. Just gotta find my pissing lighter.

OLI: I already know I'm going to cough like a c**t.

(Thia re-enters with two cups in her hand and looks shocked to see Oli with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. She gives him a disapproving look and lets out a loud 'tut'. Oli looks to her not knowing what to say as she abruptly places both coffee's done and immediately exits)

OLI: S**t. You better put your socks back on. (They both laugh as Oli slumps down next to Mike on the sofa)

MIKE: I'm sure she'll be alright in the morning.

OLI: Yeah. She normally is.

MIKE: (Pause, finally finds his lighter, second guesses himself) Nah, what are you doing? (Takes the f*g from Oli and throws it down with his lighter) Go on, get up there.

OLI: What?

MIKE: You don't wanna smoke. It's a nasty habit. And you don't wanna piss off your wife to be. AND, mother of your child more importantly. Go on (Gesturing to upstairs). And take your coffee with ya. (Picking it up and handing it to him)

OLI: But then she's got her own way again.

MIKE: F**k it. Who cares? When you've got something that good, you've gotta do everything you can to hold onto it. Because if you don't, you're only f*****g yourself over in the long run. And I tell you what. You name me all the good things that have ever happened to this family. (Long pause) Exactly. This is like a f*****g miracle compared to what we've been through. Both you and me. You're in heaven right now. Don't be a silly c**t and piss it all away. Because I can guarantee you, you'll regret this more than anything else you've ever done. You know what I'm talking about.

OLI: (Pause) You're right.

MIKE: Of course I'm right. I'm your big brother aren't I?

OLI: (Smiles) Yeah.

MIKE: (Smiles back) Good.

OLI: (Beat, mutters) I'm a lucky man.

MIKE: Yeah. You are. Glad you noticed. (Beat, snigger) Now drink your f*****g decaf coffee like a good little boy. (Both laugh)

OLI: (Raising his cup) Cheers! (Oli takes a sip of his coffee and stands)

OLI: Right then, I better be off to bed.

MIKE: Yeah. Night, night.

OLI: (Walking away) Sleep tight, don't let the.....I was going to say bed bugs, but, doesn't really work in this situation. (Laughs to himself)

MIKE: Don't worry, aint nothing I'm not used to by now.

OLI: Serious? You had bed bugs?

MIKE: Yeah, but, they were the least of my worries.

OLI: Sure, I'd be more worried about getting bummed.

MIKE: Jesus, bed bugs weren't that big! (Both laugh)

OLI: (Beat) But you never actually......You know. Did you?

MIKE: No! No. Dear god no. I was one of the fortunate one's. Never got that desperate. No. And I could handle myself. (Beat) Now if that would have happened however, I probably would have murdered you as soon as I got out. (Sniggers) Seriously. In the words of meat loaf, (Sings) I would do anything for love, but I won't do that!

OLI: (Laughs) Well then, here's to not being anally raped. (Raises his coffee cup once more and takes a sip, beat) You know a lot of people speculate over the meaning of that song, do you think that's what he really meant?

MIKE: With a name like, (Insinuating) MEAT, loaf, you never know. (Both laugh)

OLI: Yeah. (Beat) Mike, if there's anything I can ever do for you, just let me know yeah. If you need any help with anything, or, whatever. As long as it's legal. (Sniggers)

MIKE: Actually. I really didn't wanna ask, coz I didn't want you to think......And you already assumed..... but. I thought I'd be on my feet a bit quicker, and, well, still waiting on this job and......

OLI: Is there really a job? Be honest.

MIKE: Yeah, but it's, um, a bit complicated is all, and....Ah sod it, It doesn't matter.

OLI: No, go on.

MIKE: If I could just borrow a bit of money, not much, just a little to tied me over. I know you probably don't have much left yourself after paying out for this wedding, but, I'd pay it back. As soon as I get some work.

OLI: Of course you can. Don't be silly. How much do you need?

MIKE: Not a lot, just.....Let's talk about it more tomorrow, yeah? It's late. You're drunk. You need to get to bed, get up early for work, but when you get back, maybe we can talk about it then.

OLI: Yeah, yeah. Sure. (Looking at the time) S**t. I really better get to bed.

MIKE: Yeah, see you in the morning. And thanks.

OLI: For what?

MIKE: Making me best man. (Smiles)

OLI: (Smiles back) No problem.

MIKE: I'm genuinely looking forward to waking up tomorrow and starting to write this speech.

OLI: That's good.

MIKE: Yeah. It's going to be something special. Something to remember, for the whole family. (Beat) I think you're all going to be very surprised. (Lays down and closes his eyes)

(Oli stands, lingering over Mike's final words. A look of worry and concern slowly falls over his face once more as his words sink in and Oli jumps to conclusions in his mind. He mouths the word 'F**k'. Slow fade to black as Mike appears to be asleep and Oli is in contemplation)

Scene Twelve.

(Lights up on Clementine and Thia, in Thia and Oli's bedroom. Clementine is helping Thia with the final adjustments to her wedding dress, which she is wearing. Clementine is also dressed for the wedding. Thia is now roughly five months pregnant, but the bump is concealed well by the dress)

CLEMENTINE: There's no mystery as to where you get your beauty from (Admiring both herself and Thia in the mirror as they are stood side by side).

THIA: Modest as always mother.

CLEMENTINE: Shall I take a selfie? (Taking her phone out)

THIA: I don't want anything posted on social media until after the wedding.

CLEMENTINE: No of course not. Don't worry, I'm not going to tweeter it.

THIA: (Rolls eyes and chuckles) Oh god.

CLEMENTINE: (Holds the camera up to both of them) Now how do I switch this to front camera?

THIA: Let's have a look. (Closely inspecting Clementine's phone) Mum!

CLEMENTINE: What!

THIA: (Laughs) You don't even have a front camera.

CLEMENTINE: Do I not?

THIA: (Holds it up to her face) What's it look like?

CLEMETINE: Oh I don't know. (Beat) Let's just use the mirror.

(They huddle together and Clementine points the camera in the direction of the mirror so that she can get them both in shot)

THIA: Look if you hold it further down there you won't block your face out (Demonstrating how to hold the camera).

(Clementine readjusts the camera and takes the picture with flash on)

CLEMENTINE: Argh. Flash creates too much glare. How do I turn it off?

THIA: (Huffs) Just leave it. They'll be plenty of pictures taken by the photographer.

CLEMENTINE: Did you go with the one I recommended?

THIA: No, his prices were extortionate.

CLEMENTINE: Cynthia I told you, me and your father would.......

THIA: This one's just as good mother, just slightly cheaper.

CLEMENTINE: Just as good, and slightly cheaper, do not go well together dear.

THIA: Her portfolio is very impressive. I wouldn't have chosen her otherwise.

CLEMENTINE: Well let's hope. Your beauty deserves to be captured in all it's glory. Oliver's a very lucky man.

THIA: Shame about the dress though.

CLEMENTINE: What's wrong with it?

THIA: I mean, shame it doesn't fit as well as it should, you know because of......(Placing her hand on the slight bump on her stomach)

CLEMENTINE: But that's what's giving you that angelic glow dear. (Placing her hand on top of Thia's on top of her bump) And just think, one day, this could be you, here with your daughter, getting her ready for her big day.

THIA: That's if it's a girl.

CLEMENTINE: We just have to keep our fingers and toes crossed.

THIA: What if I wanted a boy?

CLEMENTINE: Your father wanted a boy.

THIA: Well he sure kept that a secret!

CLEMENTINE: (Laughs) Point is, either way, you'll love it all the same. And so will we. (Gives her a big smile)

THIA: (Smiles back) Good.

CLEMENTINE: (Beat) Awful shame about Oliver’s mother.

THIA: Can't be helped I suppose.

CLEMENTINE: Mmmm. There's no form of illness which would ever prevent me from missing this day.

THIA: Yeah well, not everyone’s you Mother.

CLEMENTINE: (Beat) What does Oliver think about.......

THIA: Look that's between them. OK? You and dad are here, and that's all that matters. Oliver's got Michael. Michael's a good man. And besides, we're his family now.

CLEMETINE: (Smiles) Of course. Sorry, I didn't mean anything by it. Today is your day. And it's going to be special, no matter what.

THIA: I hope so.

CLEMENTINE: Of course it will be. (Beat) So, what veil have we decided on?

(Blackout. Lights up on Mike and Oli getting ready on the other side of the stage. Mike is feeling very uncomfortable with his collar and tie as he tugs at it repeatedly with disgruntled looks)

OLI: (Laughing at Mike) You'll get used to it.

MIKE: Maybe I've just done the tie up too tight. (Adjusting the knot in his tie)

OLI: I suppose this would be the worse time ever to peanut you (Sniggers).

MIKE: Not if you want a black eye before your wedding.

OLI: It'd make one hell of an anecdote. (Beat) Speaking of which, you good to go on that best man's speech?

MIKE: Stop asking about it. It's supposed to be a surprise.

OLI: Just curious is all.

MIKE: Well, you won't have to wait much longer will ya.

OLI: How long is it? The speech. Roughly.

MIKE: What did I just say about asking questions?

OLI: I'm just thinking about timing. How long we have the hall for and all that.

MIKE: (Sniggers) Don't worry, It's not going to be that long.

OLI: So it's fairly short?

MIKE: Oli! Stop!

OLI: Sorry, sorry.

MIKE: (Pause) It's about two and a half pages.

OLI: Two and a half pages! Of what?

MIKE: I'm not saying another word. (Loosing his temper with the tie, he takes it off completely and undoes his top button) F*****g thing! It's unbearable. (Beat) Don't get me wrong, it's a lovely suit mate, and I really appreciate you buying it for me. Looks good, it really does, but this bloody collar's so tight with the top button up! Pissing thing.

OLI: It's just because you don't often wear a buttoned up shirt is all. Trust me, you'll get used to it.

MIKE: You know the last time I wore a suit and tie? (Oli shakes his head) That day in court. Years ago. (Beat) And now for this. Weird ay? (Oli nods, beat) Do I have to wear the tie? I mean, is it really essential?

OLI: Can you not just wear it but undo your top button if it's too tight?

MIKE: It just..... doesn't feel like me, you know. (Beat) To be honest, it's kinda a reminder of that day.....

OLI: Leave it then. I'm sure no one will mind. You still look smart without it.

MIKE: Exactly. I do. And as I said, I really appreciate you getting this for me. Very generous.

OLI: No problem. Least I can do for my best man.

MIKE: But the ties just not me. You know?

OLI: Yeah, yeah, it's fine. Don't worry about it. (Beat) How do I look?

MIKE: Great. You look great.

OLI: I thought we could have matching pocket squares? (Producing two folded white handkerchiefs, which have been folded into neat pointed triangles, one of which Oli places in his front blazer pocket, the other he hands to Mike)

MIKE: That's a triangle.

OLI: Alright then. Pocket triangle.

MIKE: (Placing it in his front blazer pocket) Is Cynthia aware you don't know your basic shapes yet?

OLI: Shut up.

MIKE: It's important when teaching your kid.

OLI: That's just what they're called. However they're folded.

MIKE: (Sings) Don't call it a spade if it isn't a spade. (Looking at it in the mirror) Mmmmm. I'm not sure.

OLI: Why not?

MIKE: Do you not think we look slightly pretentious?

OLI: Not really.

MIKE: Mmmm. I'm just not sure it's.......

OLI: Oh for Christ’s sake!

MIKE: Alright! Alright! I'll wear it! Alright? It's your big day, I don't wanna ruin it, if it'll make you happy, I'll wear it. OK?

OLI: Thank you.

MIKE: (Beat) What about the rings?

OLI: What do you mean?

MIKE: Usually the best man's responsible for holding onto the rings.

OLI: Yeah and I gave them to you like twenty minutes ago.

MIKE: No you didn't.

OLI: Yes I did.

MIKE: (Patting himself down) You didn't.

OLI: Yes I f*****g did! Please don't tell me you've f*****g lost them!

MIKE: Oliver, you did not give them to me.

OLI: Yes I did! I swear I did! On my life! I gave them to you!

MIKE: You didn't!

OLI: For f**k sake Michael! I know I did! You know I did! (Stephen enters quietly and lingers in the background) Why the f**k are you doing this to me! This is exactly the f*****g thing I was worried you'd end up doing! And you f*****g have! Just like I thought! Just like you tried to convince me I never f*****g told you to keep your mouth shut about the pregnancy! F*****g dick head! Why! Have you lost them or are you just purposefully being a f*****g...........(Stopped in his tracks by Mike producing both jewellery boxes with a slight smirk on his face) What the f**k?

STEPHEN: (Coyly interjecting) Everything alright? (Oli is startled by Stephen)

MIKE: I just thought I'd play a little pre-wedding prank, that's all.

OLI: (Pause. Regains some composure in the face of Stephen's prescience) Jesus Christ Mike. I almost had a heart attack there.

MIKE: Sorry. Maybe it wasn't the best idea I've ever had.

OLI: No. Maybe not. God. (Laughs) Well, you got me there, I'll give you that. Definitely got me. Jesus. Prank of the century.

MIKE: Here. (Going to pass him the rings)

OLI: No, it's OK, as long as you've got them.

MIKE: No take them. You obviously don't trust me.

OLI: Mike, It's not that I don't trust you. You just had me worried. I honestly thought the rings were gone, moments before I'm about to get married. Imagine how that would feel. I panicked. What did you expect?

MIKE: I didn't think you'd actually believe me to be honest. I thought you'd clock on I was messing about. I mean, do you really think I'd lose your wedding rings? On your wedding day.

OLI: I don't know. Anything could happen. I'm not exactly a hundred per cent of sound mind right now. Am I? I'm about to be married.

STEPHEN: How'd you mean, 'not of sound mind'?

OLI: I meant because I'm excited. You know, I'm about to marry the woman I love, the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with and then suddenly I'm told there are no wedding rings, so obviously I'm gonna.......

STEPHEN: Well you have the rings now, so you can calm down, relax.

OLI: Yeah sorry it's just, it's a big day for me. Obviously as you both know. I just want everything to be perfect. For Cynthia.

STEPHEN: Then you need to compose yourself.

OLI: Yeah sure. I will. My apologies, and to you Mike.

MIKE: No, no, It's my fault. Was a stupid prank to play. I should have thought it through first.

Stupid me.

OLI: You're not stupid. Hey, this will be something we can all laugh about after and speak of for years to come.

MIKE: Yeah.

OLI: Could even go in your best man's speech.

MIKE: Think I've got enough material.

OLI: (Looks increasingly worried) Wow. Can't wait.

STEPHEN: (Beat) Well you're both looking very dapper. The girls have just left for the church, which is what I came to tell you. So we better leave soonish.

OLI: OK then. Thank you.

STEPHEN: I'll wait outside with the car.

OLI: Sure. See you in a bit. (Stephen exits, leaving an awkward silence between Mike and Oli as Oli finishes getting ready, hurriedly) OK. Think that's me all ready. You good to go?

MIKE: Yeah.

OLI: Right then, let's do this. (Goes to exit with Mike)

MIKE: (Mike checking both his inside blazer pockets) Hold up, you go ahead, I'll be out in a sec.

OLI: OK. But don't be too long. We need...

MIKE: I said I'd be out in a sec.

OLI: OK. (Exits)

(Mike rummages through his belongings looking for something. He finds the letter Oli sent to him and places it in one of his inside blazer pockets before exiting. Blackout)

Scene Thirteen.

(Lights up. Hall. Post wedding party. Thia, Oli, Mike, Clementine and Stephen are all sat around a table. Thia and Oli are sat together hand in hand, so are Clementine and Stephen, Mike sits alone slightly disjointed at the foot of the table. There is a backing track which would imply that the hall was filled with other attendants of the wedding, noises of laughter in reaction to what is said in the speeches and general party clatter)

THIA: I have to say, not being able to drink is putting a slight downer on things.

OLI: Don't worry babe, I'll drink for the two of us. (Gives her a cheeky wink)

THIA: Oi, you're supposed to be carrying me over the threshold. Not the other way round.

(Laughter)

CLEMENTINE: Your father was so skinny when we were married he could barely lift me.

(Laughter)

STEPHEN: No, it's not that I was skinny, it was that......You were a little......A bit.....

CLEMENTINE: I was not!

STEPHEN: Just a bit. Didn't bother me, I still married you didn't I.

CELEMENTINE: (To Thia) I wasn't a bit anything. (Stephen gestures behind her back as if to say, 'yes she was', she turns round and gives him dagger eyes. Thia and Oli laugh)

STEPHEN: And I was lean. Not skinny.

CLEMENTINE: Whatever you say dear.

OLI: I really hope in years to come we'll still be having these petty arguments.

(Laughter)

STEPHEN: Well if it's only the petty arguments you're having this far into things, then that's a sign of a good, healthy marriage.

CLEMENTINE: (Raises her glass) I'll toast to that. (Takes a swig)

THIA: Yes, this is an excellent cranberry juice.

OLI: I did say about getting non-alcoholic alcohol, didn't I.

THIA: No it's OK. Mike was right.

MIKE: Huh?

THIA: About it being pointless. (Beat, Mike looks lost in the conversation) You know when you were drunk, you were talking about non-alcoholic alcohol being pointless. Remember when I offered you a.....

MIKE: Oh yeah, yeah. (Beat) Can you not just have a couple of glasses? I mean, it is your wedding day after all.

THIA: No I shouldn't really.

CLEMENTINE: No, it's not recommended. Though it is a shame, I know. But at least you'll be able to remember every last detail.

OLI: (Sniggers) No pressure there. (Laughter)

MIKE: (Taking the joke too far) Yeah, you better hope the night lives up to the day (Sniggers to himself. There's a short awkward pause of silence).

STEPHEN: So who's going to be speaking first?

THIA: Since you asked father, I assume you would like to.

STEPHEN: No, no, just wondering.

THIA: Well who spoke first at your wedding.

CLEMENTINE: Forget our wedding, this is yours. You decide.

THIA: Well, whoever wants to.

OLI: Yeah, there's no rush. If people want to speak, they can, if they don't, they don't have to. In fact, to be honest, I've always thought speeches were a little outdated. You know it just seems....A little unnatural. Don't you think?

STEPHEN: I don't know about that. We thoroughly enjoyed some of the speeches at our wedding, didn't we Clementine?

CLEMENTINE: Yes, some, however others, were slightly distasteful.

STEPHEN: Oh C'mon, George's wasn’t that bad.

THIA: Who was George?

CLEMENTINE: Your father's best man.

THIA: Oh.

STEPHEN: A best man's speech isn't a best man's speech without a little ribbing. Do you not agree Oliver?

OLI: Depends I suppose.

CLEMENTINE: Yes well, there's ribbing, and then there's, ribbing. He just took it a little too far in my opinion.

THIA: Oh dear, now I'm very interested in what he said.

CLEMENTINE: Doesn't matter. (Beat) Obviously I'm not expecting any of that from Michael. Being the charming gentlemen that he is.

STEPHEN: Yes. Why don't you go first Michael?

MIKE: If that's what you all want.

THIA: As I said, anyone's welcome to speak at any time. It's up to you. Don't feel pressured.

OLI: Yeah. You don't have to mate. If Stephen wants to speak first, or you Clementine (Looking towards her with hoping eyes).

CLEMENTINE: I think I'll go last. That way if I burst into tears I can make a quick exit.

THIA: Oh mother.

CLEMENTINE: I'm only thinking of my mascara dear. (Thia laughs)

MIKE: It's OK. I'll go.

STEPHEN: Whey! (Clings a glass)

(Mike stands. Oli looks increasingly nervous. Mike reaches into his pocket and pulls out the letter Oli wrote him, now Oli looks extremely panicked)

MIKE: Whoops. Wrong one. (Goes to place it back in his pocket, but then hesitates) Actually. (Pause, he looks to Oli, seeing him sweat) Might as well get rid of this. (Insinuating to Oli with a playful smirk) Terrible writing. (He holds the letter over a candle and begins to burn it, Oli looks slightly relieved, but is still worried)

STEPHEN: Careful. They might have sprinklers in here. (Looking above)

CLEMENTINE: Put it out in this. (Takes the champagne from the ice bucket and slides it over to Mike, who throws it in)

STEPHEN: Was it really that bad?

MIKE: First draft.

THIA: Owwww. He's done drafts. This should be good.

MIKE: (Takes out some crumpled paper from the other pocket, he looks down at it, and then back up at Oli, who still looks worried) Do you know what......(Screws up the crumbled paper and puts it back in his pocket) I'm just going to speak from the heart. That's how these things should be done. Right?

THIA: Owwww. Going off script. Even more interesting.

MIKE: (All the while Mike is giving this speech Oli is expecting the worse. Oli almost looks like he's about to be sick) So, Oli, me and Oli. Brothers. (Beat) Being completely honest, it's been difficult. It has. (Beat) I mean, it was always going to be. (Beat) Maintaining that kind of relationship. (Beat) Worlds apart. (Beat) But do you know what. (Beat) Distance is nothing. (Beat) Not when you share a bond. (Beat) That bond being blood. (Beat) It's almost animalistic. That bond. (Beat) That natural urge to want to love and protect your kin. (Beat) Despite everything. (Beat) You know while I was away. It was that urge that kept me going. (Beat) I'm doing this for the one's I love. Is what I told myself, day to day. (Beat) Because, despite everything. (Beat) They deserve a better life. (Beat) And that's what I'm fighting for. (Beat) A better day. (Beat) And I'm so pleased that Oliver here has found that better day. (Beat) That better life. Here, with Cynthia. (Beat) Makes what I do worth it. (Beat) Gives my life meaning, purpose. (Beat) And I haven't known Cynthia for a great deal of time, but, for the time that I have known her, I can honestly say, Oliver couldn't have hoped, or dreamed of having a better wife as you (Thia looks tearful and mutters the words 'Thank you'). And you're going to make a wonderful mother. (Beat) That's no BS. That's straight from the heart. (Beat) And if I ever do go back. This memory here. This happiness. This positivity. Will drive me forward once more. Give me the fuel to overcome anything. (Beat) Because at the end of the day. (Beat) You see that man right there (Pointing at Oli), that man's my brother. (Beat) And I would do anything for him. (Beat) Because that's what families do. (Beat) And now Oliver has another family (Looking to Stephen and Clementine), and is soon to have his own. (Beat) And I know, that you would do anything for him. And he would do anything for you. (Beat) So if I do go away again. I can rest easy. Knowing that there is a better world out there. And you people are in it. (Beat) So raise your cranberry juice (Laughter), and let's toast to a better life!

ALL: (Toasting) A better life!

(Oli is slightly lost for words. Blackout. Lights up on Mike standing outside the hall having a cigarette, Oli enters and wonders over)

OLI: Hey.

MIKE: Alright. Just getting some fresh air.

OLI: Well, it was fresh until you came out here, with your smoke.

MIKE: (Sniggers) Yeah. I really need to quit.

OLI: (Beat) I've got to be honest, I didn't expect that. That was a lovely speech mate. It really was. I mean it. Everyone's said how good it was.

MIKE: Told ya you'd be surprised.

OLI: Yeah. Especially after you pulled out that letter. I thought, well, my mind jumped to conclusions, again. I'm starting to see that maybe you were right, about me being paranoid. But, you know, what with everything. Would you blame me?

MIKE: (Beat) You wanna know the real reason I kept hold of that letter? I spent so long being treated like the bad guy, that I started to act like one. Had to do a few things inside obviously, just to make sure no one fucked with me, but, when s**t got too much, and I started to question whether I truly belonged there, I used to take out that letter and give it a read, just as a reminder that I was really a good guy, and I was there for the right reasons. (Beat) I didn't burn that letter tonight for your sake, I burnt it for mine. Because now I know. I'm certain. I am a good man.

OLI: Yes you are. (Beat) And you'll always be my brother. (Beat) And I'm sorry for being such a dick head at times.

MIKE: (Beat, smirks) Likewise you soppy c**t. (Both laugh)

OLI: This feels like a hugging moment.

MIKE: Oh, go on then. (They hug) I'm happy for ya bro. I mean that.

OLI: I know you do.

MIKE: Good.

OLI: (Beat) Right, now we've got that sentimental s**t out the way, I better get back inside. You coming?

MIKE: I'm gonna have another f*g first.

OLI: Alright then. See you in there.

MIKE: Yeah, in a bit.

(Oli exits. Mike stands in contemplation for a moment. He takes out his phone and dials a number, before speaking over the phone he checks that no one is near by in listening distance)

MIKE: Can you be at the warehouse by six? Yes, today. Because I've finally sorted s**t out. You're gonna get what you want, alright? That's all you need to know. Yes, the full amount. Yes! I just said! Are you f*****g listening? But it's got to be today. Because they're all out. It's the only chance I'm gonna get. Unless you wanna wait a couple more weeks, well then, f*****g work with me here. No, No! I'll meet you at the warehouse. No! Because of the f*****g neighbours, that's why, their nosey c***s. They've seen me before, they know me, but you leaving with a couple of bags, that's gonna look suspicious. Unless you're planning on going back inside, by all means, wear your f*****g balaclava as well. Right then, warehouse at six, yeah? Yeah. See you soon.

(Mike hangs up the phone and quickly exits in the opposite direction to Oli. Blackout)

Scene Fourteen.

(Lights up. Abandoned Warehouse. The Stranger from earlier stands on stage, pacing irritably awaiting Mike's entrance, he keeps looking down at his watch. Mike enters with his duffel bag in hand, still in the same clothes he wore for the wedding)

STRANGER: (Sigh of relief) For a minute there I thought you'd stitched me up.

MIKE: Just took a little longer than expected.

STRANGER: One bag. That it?

MIKE: It's f*****g heavy though. Should see the amount of jewellery this birds got. Draws and draws of it.

STRANGER: Yeah but is it top quality s**t?

MIKE: Only the best. This f*****g suit I'm wearing cost four hundred, and I didn't buy it.

STRANGER: So you're telling me there's five grands worth of s**t in that bag?

MIKE: I f*****g hope so. I picked up a lot of antique s**t too.

STRANGER: What about cash?

MIKE: Mate, it's all invested. None of it's accessible, and they just forked out a ton for that wedding. Should have seen it. No expense spared. I tell ya.

STRANGER: Right then, well let's have a look.

MIKE: Hold up, where's Chaz?

STRANGER: You're dealing with me now, not him.

MIKE: Yeah but, he's the one that wants paying.

STRANGER: So? What you saying?

MIKE: I just wanna ensure that this makes its way into his hands.

STRANGER: Well if it doesn't, I'm gonna be the one fucked aren't I. And I'm not that stupid.

MIKE: Alright, alright. (Beat) So once I give you this, we're all square?

STRANGER: Yeah, if it is what you say it is.

MIKE: And I'm not going to get a knock at my door one day from either of you? And by my door, of course I mean my brothers.

STRANGER: You ain’t actually going to go back there, not after this. Surely.

MIKE: I've made it look like a break in, I'll act none the wiser.

STRANGER: You can't f*****g act. Give over.

MIKE: But I'm not going to ever f*****g see you again, right? That's my point.

STRANGER: Not If I can help it, think I like looking at your ugly mug.

MIKE: But what if after seeing the quality of this s**t Chaz decides he wants seconds, and does the place over again himself? How's that going to look?

STRANGER: Do you think I'm f*****g stupid or something?

MIKE: What? It's a......

STRANGER: I'm not a f*****g moron. Do you think I'd tell Chaz where you were? No. Like f**k. He would have fucked everything up. His temperament. Or should I say, lack of one. If he would have seen that motor parked outside, he would have had it without a second thought. Then we'd all be down the nick. No. The less he knows the better, as long as he gets his money, he's happy. And if he's happy, I'm happy. He's not up my a*s, and I'm not up your a*s. He couldn't care, who, or where it comes from. As long as he gets it. So f*****g give it to me, and then we can both stop running around like a couple of blue a*s flies!

MIKE: Alright, alright. That's all I wanted to know. Here. (Places the bag at the Strangers feet)

STRANGER: (Bending down to unzip the bag) You just better pray that there is five grands worth of s**t in here, otherwise then I will have to......(Unzips the bag to reveal nothing but scrunched up clothes, what was originally in Mike's bag) What the f**k is.......

(As the Stranger is bent down over the duffel bag Mike slips behind him and takes out a kitchen knife which he sinks into the strangers back, the stranger lets out an almighty roar and falls to his side, as he does he pulls out a gun and shoots Mike in the stomach, Mike instantly falls on top of the stranger with a scream of pain and they begin to tussle over the gun. There is a struggle between them which eventually results in Mike hammering the knife deeper into the strangers back as he bangs him up and down against the floor as they are fighting over the gun. The stranger is left paralysed and loses all functions over his body, dropping the gun. He twitches and squirms while on the floor. Still in a lot of pain and slightly stunned Mike crawls across the floor and grabs some clothes from his bag, he scrunches the heap of clothes into a ball and places them on top of the strangers face, pressing down hard, suffocating him. After a while Mike removes his hand and checks that the stranger has stopped breathing. He then attempts to stop his heavy bleeding by tying the clothes around his stomach where he was shot, tightening them with a loud scream of pain. He then takes out his phone and dials a number, a spotlight falls on the other side of the stage on Oli, Oli is on the other side of the line, still present at the wedding, party music plays in the background as they speak, which is coming from Oli's side of the conversation)

OLI: Hello.

MIKE: I died a soldier alright.

OLI: What was that? There's music playing mate, where are you?

MIKE: Just tell them I died in Iraq or something, that's how I want to be remembered! You hear me!

OLI: (Placing one finger in his ear to hear the conversation better) What you on about! Where are you! You're missing the.........

MIKE: It doesn't matter! You just tell people your brother was a soldier! Alright! He was a good man!

OLI: Mate, I thought we already had this conversation, I know you're a........

MIKE: Look after Thia! And the kid! You're going to be a great dad! I know it! And you're a good guy as well! You hear me! You're a good man too Oliver! A good man! And you deserve all the happiness in the world mate! You hear me! You deserve it! Never think any different! Alright! Never think........

OLI: Mike! What the hell are you......

MIKE: I love you, you c**t! I love you!

OLI: Mike......

(Mike ends the phone call. Blackout on Oli. Mike lays grasping at his wound, which is still seeping blood. He sings to himself at a low volume, almost comforting himself)

OLI: (Singing at a low volume) I can be your hero baby, I can kiss away the pain. And I will stand by you forever. You can take my breath away......You can take my breath away.......

(Oli laughs to himself and then closes his eyes. Slow fade to blackout. Lights up on other side of the stage. Clementine and Stephen are seated, as if seated in a waiting area in a hospital. They both look worried and concerned)

CLEMENTINE: (Huffs) C'mon.

STEPHEN: (Beat) I love it how they say no phones, but I've seen about four or five doctors walking about......

CLEMENTINE: (Growing restless) They're taking their time.

STEPHEN: I'm sure he's fine.

CLEMENTINE: Didn't look fine to me. Looked far from.......

STEPHEN: Clementine, there's no point in.......

(Oli enters, Stephen and Clementine leap up)

CLEMENTINE: How is he?

OLI: (With a sense of relief) Good.

CLEMENTINE: Good?

OLI: Yeah. False alarm really.

STEPHEN: (To Clementine) Told you.

CLEMETINE: So he's fine?

(Thia enters holding a baby wrapped in a blanket, both Thia and Oli look overtired. Both are dressed to go home)

OLI: See for yourself.

(Stephen and Clementine gather around the baby with an 'awww' expression)

THIA: He's perfectly healthy, so I'm told.

STEPHEN: Does that mean we can finally take you home?

THIA: Please. And let's never come back.

CLEMENTINE: Agreed.

STEPHEN: (Beat) What about a name for the little scamp? Have you decided?

THIA: We've thought about it a lot, and, I think we have. (Looking to Oli)

OLI: Yeah. (Beat) We were thinking, Michael.

CLEMENTINE: Awwwww. Yes. Michael. That's beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

STEPHEN: Yes. I couldn't agree more. Wonderful choice. (Beat) God bless his soul.

OLI: (Smiles) Yeah. (Looking down at his baby, mutters) Little Mike.

THIA: (Smiles) Our little Mike.

STEPHEN: Honourable name.

OLI: It is.

(Blackout)

THE END.

Author's Note

This is the 1st draft so I am looking for any feedback and constructive criticism to help me with the writing of the second draft.