Keep It Together Girl!

(artwork used as photo is mine.)

She wanted to scream, she wanted to yell

Tilting her teary eyes down so no one could tell

Keep it together girl.

In half her life was tore

Mood darker than the black she always wore

Keep it together girl.

She felt like there was a gaping hole in her heart

Afraid to cry a single tear lest she fall apart

Keep it together girl.

Smile! They are looking!

Don't dare let them see the inward storm cooking

Keep it together girl.

So she sat smiling, stomach in knots

Turning her music up, trying to drown out these thoughts

Keep it together girl.

And then, like the breaking of a dam, the tears began to fall

She was finally there, she had hit the brick wall

Get it together!

And the tears didn't stop, as she sobbed they all started to stare

Only at this moment, the girl was too broken to care.

Get it together girl!

She laid her face on the table, tears filling each palm

She had lost her composure, she had lost all her calm

Get it together girl!

She tried to stop, to lift her head high

But she knew now they all knew she was a lie

You just couldn't keep it together could you girl?

Author's Note

Any and all opinions welcome

Reviews

[ANTO]

I like the use of repitition - its like being in her head in real-time - well conveyed Shadow Poet. The turning point the brick wall and the keep it together girl didnt seem right - she had already broken - perhaps a thing like this -
"And then, like the breaking of a dam, the tears began to fall
She was finally there, she had hit the brick wall
- girrrrrrl !"
(if thats not too gimmicky) - as if she is collapsing from the inside and still trying to put up the front - for me the way it stands in that stanza doesn't communicate effectively, the schism that had occured/was occuring.

The final stanza is f**king brilliant - especially the condemnatory inner voice - starting its monologue once more like a tape loop. This is powerful writing Shadow poet.

[Death's Poet]

Thank you so much! And I really agree with that and I think I'm going to go in and rework that this afternoon! I always love your suggestions Anto :) THank you!

[ANTO]

You're very welcome Shadow Poet - Im humbled that you say that. Thank you very much. :)

[K. Bridgid]

I love the repetition, it really emphasizes this girl's thoughts I think. And I love the imagery of tears falling like the damn breaking. I don't think there's any better way to describe a breakdown like that. Very powerful.

[Death's Poet]

Thank you so very much Brigid! Your reviews always make my day!

[PonoEllis]

the poem was so good, it actually made me tear up a little reading it, I could feel her emotion crystal clear, "keep it together girl" and stuff at the and of each line really worked. and the part of saying she couldn't keep it together worked as well I liked it so much, the emotion was sad but easily felt

[Death's Poet]

thank you so very much Pono. your reviews are always so kind