Grief

words so rarely fail me

that when the emotions are this strong

there isn't enough space between my heart my head and my hands

 to spin them into letters.

I don't know what to say.

I feel nauseous like I got punched in the stomach,

like I am going to be suddenly and violently ill,

like my feelings are burning me from the inside

and I'll burst open like a rotten tomato

spilling my grief along the floor.

I feel cheated and betrayed

like I've had something stolen from me

and I have.

time, cancer, doctors, frailty and mortality

have stolen from me

the times when she would have smiled,

the scenes she would have painted,

the books she would have shared,

the conversations half started never finished.

I have been the victim of a robbery all too familiar

and I wish death would be a stranger again.