Electronic Lust

This is the first stanza of a piece I'm working on (and it might just eventually be the entire poem). I'm actually really proud of this but critique away. I'm open to all honest criticisms.

I feel the itch down in my fingertips -
to hear the whirring-slirring spinning fans,
oh joy!- to witness the luminescent
glowing gateway - better than perfect dips
and curves of a voluptuous woman.

Author's Note

Please just give me productive criticisms. Oh, and I also like hearing how amazing things are so if you're feeling so inclined, I'd like to know if you like it and what you like about it.