Clockwork Heart

An open hand on her knees, her last possessions drowning in silent tears.

A few aspirations and a fragile wish, she alone to face cold vast frontiers.

But must she succumb to her fears?

For would he take her hand and free her from imprisoning despair?

To take a deeper look inside, would he again dare to care?

With closed eyes, remembers she her long ago scene of err.

For once upon a cloudy eve,

When an enchanting mist through the trees did weave.

He caught her by and did deliver a breath’s touch upon her sleeve.

He in her ear did whisper of wicked distant pasts,

And with night’s magic spell, she purged of her defenses did come to pass.

In her mind the scene played on through crystal glass.

He bade her forget the past and in a new life together delight,

But in a moments panic, white wings fanned and took flight,

She soon learned her wings deposited her in her greatest plight.

For in day’s white haze her pain’s angry shouts always persevere.

And with that thought she did weep her final tear.

For the day did long ago depart from here.

Turning thoughts from the cold unfeeling light of day,

Starts her surrender to this dark and sinful night, the possession naught could allay,

For again to his side quickly she’ll find her way.

Through thick mists she’ll knowingly dart,

To her side she’ll seduce him, never to part,

Treading only on black wings and her clockwork heart.

Alyssa M. Gandolfi

 

Reviews

[cartera]

Written very much in the style and language of the Romantics; I could hear Shelley and Byron and Coleridge in there. You play De La Mare's trick of using archaic language to take the reader to another time and so we employ our imaginations more easily to the tale.
'Clockwork heart' is a brilliant image: it is to some degree what we have, but is also the last thing a person of any kind of sensitivity would want.
Well done.
ATB
Alex.

[Freder Fredersen (aka G..]

Well written.

flows like a stream of dreams. Your word choice is powerful and connects like electric jolts. beautiful and raw.

Enjoyed.

Cheers!
Grady

[Kira]

You were right to enter this in the imagery contest--I could easily see this as though it was playing out on a movie screen. I agree with L. Lankford though--stanzas would have increased the overall power in the piece.

Definitely placing, that's for sure... :)

Treading only on black wings and her clockwork heart....

[Lydia]

Loved the last few lines, and the piece in general, however, I think it could be a bit more effective and dramatic if split up into a few stanzas. Other than that though, this piece was well written and I enjoyed reading it.

[DavidRyan]

Treading only on black wings and her clockwork heart....

such a great, beautiful, strong last line. The poem as a whole is well written and the story is almost like a dream. I guess that's the best way I could describe it. The way you play with words, and the structure, and the language as a whole, is inspiring. I'm glad I got to read this.

[THE LOST ROSE]

Like Arthur Crow said I think this poem is wonderful and I can't really offer any suggestions. Sorry I love what you created here. Thanks for sharing. I am about to check out another poem of yours. GOD help me if the other one is as great as this one. You will get tired of seeing my Avatar. -lol-

[Arthur Crow]

Wow, this a very well crafted poem�. I honestly can't think of any constructive crit to give you. Your lines are concise and flow. I was easily drawn into the plight of the character. Loved it!

[Pax Analog]

This brooding poem has the tone of timeless folk ballads, echoes of "Black is the color of my true love's hair."

I suppose the common stream of old folk songs and fantasy is myth, the mood of times of magic and romance, and the slower deeper pace of legend.

"Through thick mists she'll knowingly dart,/To her side she'll seduce him, never to part,/Treading only on black wings and her clockwork heart."

Lushly charming and haunting work.