Liquid Sadness

My goal here is to provoke emotion.

My thoughts linger on all the pain

The stress is like a crushing weight

I'm a tired that rest doesn't heal

Depression hurts, but can it kill?

 

I lie in my bed waiting for Death

But from my hell I find no rest.

I feel the blackness closing in.

I have lost. I let it win.

 

With every beat of my heart I feel the poison

My pulse is slow, black corrosion

Liquid sadness replaces the blood

I'm through with this life. I'm f*****g done.

Author's Note

All comments are greatly appreciated. Constructive criticism is welcome.

Reviews

[Mark Anthony Games (Hum..]

'Liquid sadness', I described this in one of my pieces as the sludge of depression flowing through the veins were life once flowed. So I understand this piece totally. I do not know if you write from experience or just a talent pool. I have lived my words, and if you have too, may I ask you to please not give in, do not be done, or they win. Souls that are empty can do the line dance and absorb the pointless production line of society. The true souls with beauty and worth suffer because they do not want a part of the denial and repression. If we give in we can never crack that damn and the water of life will never flow free. Use your words like you have above to thunder blows into the denial of others and sooth the pain of those who feel like you.

[Chad LaPierre]

I like this poem. It doesn't try to overtly impress the reader by bombarding them with any elaborate imagery or wordplay; it merely attempts to evoke. And that's what makes it strong. Some of metaphorical language you use seems rather cliche at times ("The stress is like a crushing weight"). But this poem is powerful nevertheless. I enjoyed reading it.