Symptomatic Preoccupations

 

 

Those words struck my heart,

A deep primal fear emerging from that

hidden chamber, the chains rattling

As my spirit shuddered, crying out in anguish

And I saw the faces of those

around me, the ones I loved, the ones that

I couldn't understand

Pain racked my breast, the realizations

thundering deep into my core

The utter horror of my own

delusion, my own obsessions and lies

those eager suggestions, images, locked

in my mind

Some one told me that We

are all drenched in

Sin

Impervious to the Truth

The goodness

Maybe we have infected

this world

with our own small intentions

Those thoughtless mistakes, inconveniences

Was I always your inconvenience?

Was I the dirt under your nails?

The way he bled

 Prophetic dreams of thorns and needles

Light and Mercy

 

What will we find at the end of our dusty trail,

An open sea, a little boat, so we might sail?

 

The sky is always bluer on the other side

Reviews

[smalltownsympathies]

I hate read requests. Unless someone personally asks me ahead of time, I feel as though it's a bit...rude. But it's ok because I like you :)
Anyways, this is quite lyrical, but starts to be so towards the end. I am a fan of your work and find it very interesting to read, it has a strong voice leading it, but I feel as though it needs a tad bit of editing. Keep working, you've got fantastic talent :)

[Ruth]

I admire your work love because you speak from the heart! Truly so:) This is awesome:) You take your poetry to many levels and thats a sign of talent! Awesome!
xx

[TAO]

This is...apt on so many levels; relationships, just being in general... You've said very much and, as such, force to reflect upon our own delusions, even the ones we have finally admitted are delusions. Moonflower, for making me to think even more than I already do, thank you. Excellent, excellent work, Ms.

[cassandra violet]

I really liked this, really! You had some great imagery here. My favorite?
-"was I the dirt under your nails?"
Some great language too. The one that spoke the most to me?
-"Some one told me that We
are all drenched in
Sin"
It was genius for you to include the word "sin" as its own line, it really gave emphasis to the word.

Overal great poem and thanks for recommending it to my reading list! ;D

[Bard Constantine]

Symptomatic... as in medical therapy that treats only the symptoms, not the cause... connect that thought to emotional distress and this piece all that more vivid. The thought of someone suffering without hope of being cured is a bleak one, as is the thought of being hurt emotionally while those who should care are swallowed by their own faults. This throbs with sadness, almost painful to read...

[Brad]

nice take on the unknown...and hopeful too

[YouoweYoupay]

An emotional poem with thought provoking questions and nicely conv. images. Nice work.

-Wella.

[Rikkevi Rue]

this style of writing i find particularly engrossing because it is not slave to structure, yet uses it as an accent in the final measure, it is not beholden to a romantic mode yet it is colored with romanticism throughout. It doesn't have a classical bent, yet it moves in distinct movements. Like a miniature symphony of words with its movements...maybe it is a hybrid style, a potpourri of poetic styles from the ages.

Whatever the case, it is moving and also is not shallow. One of the best features in my opinion is that depth and layers that one can contemplate after the first, second, third etc. read and find deeper meaning. Delicious write

[JelliFyshKissUs]

The anguish is so thick in this piece, and you wordplay is absolutely scrumptious. I hate that I love eating your misery, but you make it so delectably delicious. Your raw emotional blood you use to fill your pen leaves a dried scent I cannot resist. Glad to have you back, Moonflower.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This poem was slow torture.
You went to an incredibly dark place.
You provoked a lot of thought about
the price of self preservation and
the things we look for in a mate to
complete ourselves. Brilliant!

[Michael X]

wow, this poem is epic and so vividly enhanced, it reminded me of looking
at an old sea painting, so haunting and well defined, i loved it :)