Detective Watts: The Screenplay, Act 1

Ok, the first one came out weird and wasn't as good as I wanted it to be anyway so I'm doing it again.

Act 1:

 

MOST IMPORTANT THING. EVERYONE OVERACTS. AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. EXCEPT THE GERMAN WHO IS IN A PERMANENT STATE OF SLY EMOTIONLESSNES.

 

THIS SCRIPT HAS PACING PROBLEMS I NEED TO WORK ON. I KNOW DON’T TELL ME.

 

Characters:

 

Baron von Borl: Time travelling, over the top, evil baron. Wears a cape, monocle and top hat. Has a moustache. Even more over the top then everyone else. Overacts to a completely ridiculous sense. Has to be oozing with flamboyant villainy. If he was standing in front of a giant pile of corpses he killed you wouldn’t even notice. He’s far to over the top.

 

Detective Watts: Dresses like Sherlock Holmes. As British as he can possibly be.

 

Chuchill: Self Explanatory

 

Abraham Lincoln: Self Explanatory

 

The German: Evil German. Wears a lab coat all the time. Terrible accent.

 

A Dinosaur: Stands for Alfred Dinosaur. A man in a rubber dinosaur suit.

 

Lady Victoria Forbes: Kickarse British chick. Dresses in one of those huge old dresses from 1800’s. Watts’ love interest. Victoria ‘cause it’s British, Forbes cause I couldn’t think of any more British sounding last names after Watts and I decided to just name her after my own love interest.

 

Oscar Wilde: Wears a giant nametag (partly so people will actually know who he’s meant to be, partly cause it will look hilarious.) Quotes himself constantly.

 

Stanley  the Wonder Horse: A toy horse

 

Napoleon: Very French. Dresses like Napoleon.

President Bagget: French President. Walks around wearing a beret and carrying a baguette.

 

Scene 1:

A dark night. A street in London. A dead end.

 

<Detective Watts and Lady Victoria Forbes chase Baron von Borl into the dead end. Watts is aiming a pistol at him. Borl looks at the wall then turns to face them>

 

Watts: Stop you villainous cur! You have nowhere to run!

 

Borl: Nowhere? Hahaha(evil laughing)! Nowhere, my dear Watts? Why would I run anywhere when I can run ANYWHEN!

 

<Borl pulls a golden pocket watch from his coat, pushes a button and creates a tunnel through time, sucking him in.>

Borl’s Disembodied Voice: Farewell my worthy foe. We shall meet again, or should I say HAVE met again.

 

Scene 2: Winchesterton Hall. Fancy place. Lincoln, Oscar Wilde, Churchill, A. Dinosaur, Watts and Lady Victoria are scattered throughout the room. The German is clearly hiding behind a curtain. The audience notices but the characters don’t

 

Borl as The Narrator: I had evaded Watts and his precious “British Empire,” but, before the hour was out, The Royal Society of Badarses had gathered in Winchesterton Hall to plan my capture.

 

Watts: Baron von Borl has once again evaded justice, and, this time, he’s stolen the Omega Device.

 

Lincoln: No! It can’t be! With that in his villainous hands the very history of the free world is at stake!

 

Churchill: And in all the empire we haven’t a single way of tracking him down. That watch was the only way we had of traversing the very fabric of the universe.

 

<The German steps out from behind the curtain>

German: Luckily heir Churchill, mein fhurer is very sympathetic with your cause.

 

Lady Victoria Forbes: A German! How did you get in here? How did you evade the guards.

 

German: Ah, Lady Victoria Forbes, so we meet at last.

 

<Bows in front of her and kisses her hand. She is clearly flattered>

 

German: How I got in is not important. What matters is what I brought with me.

 

<German whistles. Someone pushes Stanley the Wonder horse out from behind the curtain>

 

German: A horse bred so as to make it capable of traversing the threads of time. We call it… Stanley the Wonder Horse.

 

Churchill: This horse. It can help us track down von Borl.

 

The German: That is right heir Churchill

 

Watts: Then let it be so!

 

Scene 3: Outside somewhere. Watts and Victoria Forbes are sitting on top of Stanley. It looks ridiculous. Lincoln, Churchill and A. Dinosaur are standing around them.

 

Churchill: The fate of the free world rests on your shoulders. We could spare no coconuts but we got you this horse. God speed Watts.

 

Watts: Onward Stanley FOR BRITAIN!!!

<Watts pulls a sword out of a scabbard and holds it over his head. Stanley the Wonder Horse rides into a time portal that appears in front of him. It looks ridiculous and embarrasses the actors riding him.>

 

Lincoln: So wanna go for a pizza or something?

 

A Dinosaur: Sure, I’m buying

 

Act 2

 

Scene:

Winchesterton Hall. Oscar Wilde, Churchill, Lincoln and A. Dinosaur are sitting around a table. Churchill is standing the rest are sitting. There’s a half eaten pizza on the table.

 

Churchill: Our nation is under attack. Watts and Lady Victoria Forbes are trapped in time, chasing after Baron von Borl and now, Britain has been invaded by

 

<A shadow appears over Churchills face. The camera tilts a little and goes a bit lower>

 

Churchill: …The Invaders From Beyond The Moon.

 

Lincoln: No! Watts and Lady Victoria Forbes are missing and I sent the national armies out to pick up some pop-tarts! We’re defenceless.

 

Churchill: We have only one hope. We must gather together the free nations of earth and amass a united army, large enough to repel this invasion. We shall call ourselves The Fellowship of The Getting America to Save Us From Aliens.

 

<LOTR music if we can legally do that. If not some other fantasy music that we can legally use.>

 

Lincoln: You have my hat

 

<Puts hand in middle to do that thing where a bunch of people put there hands in a pile>

 

Oscar Wilde: And my wit

 

<Also put hand in middle>

 

A Dinosaur: And my rubber dinosaur suit.

 

<Same>

 

Churchill: Excellent. Now, onwards to France. Don’t forget to bring a coat, it’s chilly outside.

 

<Begin walking outside>

 

Scene 2: Some place in France. Inside. Napoleon and von Borl are talking.

 

Von Borl: I can offer you technology decades ahead of your primitive time. Ball-point pens, Donkey Kong Country Returns, Plastic Sporks. With these fabulous devices the English forces are bound to crumble before your mighty armies.

 

Napoleon: Yes, these are indeed fabulous treasures. Tell me more of this “Lilly Allen” you speak of.

 

<Detective Watts and Lady Victoria Forbes burst into the room>

 

Watts: Stop right so fast!

 

Victoria: We have you surrounded. Give up Borl.

 

Napoleon: Guards! These silly English type people displease me! Arrest them!

 

<Two guards enter room. Victoria pulls out a plastic spork.>

 

Victoria: Back you foul Frenchmen! Fear me and my spork.

 

<Guards back away. Watts pulls out a pistol and aims it at Borl>

 

Watts: Hand over The Omega Device Borl.

 

Napoleon: It is a silly spork! Attack! Attack!

 

<Guards attack Victoria and Watts. Victoria kills one with spork. Watts dodges to the side then shoots the other one on his way past. While this is happening von Borl escapes.>

 

Victoria: Quickly! After him!

 

Scene 3:

Outside

 

<Camera shows Watts and Victoria leave building. Then it shows Borl standing there with golden pocket watch out, ready to push the time-travel button>

 

Borl: <Laughs> Farewell once more Watts. I’d love to stay and chat but I have a very important meeting and it seems I’m a few DECADES late.

 

The German: Not so fast Borl. I’ll be taking that watch from you now.

 

<Camera shows German holding gun to Borls head>

 

Watts: German! How did you get here.

 

German: <Laughs> You don’t think I would give you my only time-travelling horse did you? This was all an elaborate ruse, to get the Omega Device into the clutches of The Third Reich!

Victoria: You traitor.

 

<Victoria throws her spork at  The German, killing him. Von Borl runs into the distance, pushes the button and leaps into a time-portal>

 

Watts: After him!

 

<They both run to the portal and leap in just before it closes>

 

End Act 2

 

Act 3

 

Scene 1

Churchill, A. Dinosaur, Lincoln and Oscar Wilde are talking to President Baguette in front of the Eiffel Tower.

 

Churchill: President Baguette, England is in her hour of greatest need. We need your help. Please, for the good of the free world, assist us in our plight.

 

President Baguette: Hmmmm….OK.

 

A Dinosaur: Well, that was easy.

 

Scene 2

Watts and Lady Victoria burst out of the time portal and into