Touch

A girl who loves her daddy

Father
To be a little girl
Who loves her daddy
Who killed for him
Adored him
Wanted to be perfect
Just for one man
Just for her daddy
Cut yourself down
Gush out struggle
Hold in your tears
Break yourself
Mangle your feelings
Twist your lungs
Shred your kidneys
Vivisect your heart
Tear out your intestines
Wrap a noose
With your intestines
That your daddy made
And hang yourself
For his eyes to see
And to bring the bottle back to his lips
And his nose down to his desk
And a hand to roam someone's body
And leave you there

You won't die
You don’t have your daddy’s acknowledgement
His approval
His pride
You have nothing of his
To be loved by him
Is a dream
A lucid dream
A daydream
A fantasy
Just another fictional story

No matter the soaring wound I have felt
The feeling of destroying myself
My life
Pushing people away
Cursing everyone out
For him
Just for him

To feel him cup my face
With his calloused hands
Hold me so gently
Have me in his arms
Against his beating chest
With a heart
A heart so heartless
To hear the simple words
Simple words that mean everything
‘I love you’
‘My sweet girl’
Is just another fiction

If there was only one way to be loved
To have him look at you
With adoration
And compassion
If that singular way
Was sex
Incestuous sex
Would you take it?

Would I let me father lust for me?
Just to feel loved?

And by all the fruits that exist
The flowers that bloom
The sun that rises
And then moon that sets
The moving wind
The dancing fire
Flowing waters
I would say yes

Because I’m a rotten fruit
I’m a withered flower
A settened sun
A moon no longer shining
Winds that kill
Fires that burn and no longer have rhythm
Bloodied waters that rupture
I would say yes

Disgust
Putrid
Ugly
Crime
Taboo
This is what he is
This is what I aimed to love
What I tried to approve
And with the way I loved him
I copied him
And turned to be just like him

In memory he will be a demon
And I am his
His monster
A crying, sad, miserable monster

A failure
A touch that never touched me
Cursed me
Bless me?

Laying on a bed
That he should’ve indulged me
Maggots crawling with my body ripped apart
A body resting after so long
A body he had made with his semen

In the end
It was all just to feel loved
To be smiled at
For a little girl
To be loved
By her daddy

Author's Note

I want a deep analysis of the writing, how it could also be improved