Always

Hey,

     This maybe our last meeting, this maybe not. I have things i wanted to tell you all this time but couldn't and now all that doesn't matter so I'll just skip the part where i borrow some lines from those romantic novels that we love. Then also, we, you and me, can not ignore something as good as “Fault in our Stars” and not say.. “Oh, I wouldn't mind, Hazel Grace. It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you.”

I have seen you in phases, some good some amazing, and to be honest now, i have loved you in all. Sometimes just love, sometimes more than that. In all your moods.. i have wanted you more. And this goes till this time.. with each new sun, i love you some more. With each new moon, i dream you some more. You remember the night you were pissed with someone.. so pissed you were crying and wouldn't talk.. i still don't know the reason why you were pissed.. i would love to hear about that. You told me that you aren't interested in anything and you want to go away somewhere. I gave you the only spaceship i had, well of course that was a fictional spaceship. And in no time we were talking stupid and laughing and all felt so good. You remember? Well.. i do.

You know what.. “You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.”

Like i remember everything. Every memory and day of my life where we were together, i remember. First time i saw you.. first time we touched.. and our all first times, i remember them all. I never got to tell you how pretty you look when you're drunk and we dance so close or how good it feels when we break our kisses and with our heavy breathings we look at each other. The way you put my hand on your waist, trying hard to teach my stupid a*s how to dance. Your big brown eyes.. ohh.. they are magic.. making million promises and just by looking into them one can feel love for thousand times. I remember us walking in rain with no hurry. Like i wanted it to rain.. more and more.. and just have you by my side all along. I remember laying by your side all night long.. whispering.. kissing and just hoping that you remember all what we are sharing when sun comes up and when dawn came to that night, i knew it was love and i knew no escape. Now.. it doesn't matter if you remember any of this or not or if it's special to you as much as it is to me or not. I'm glad that i met you and if given a choice i would love to meet you and repeat it all, again and again. Like i said “It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you.” Even if for thousand times.

All i can think now is “I wish I knew how to quit you.”

I can go on like this forever. Telling you the good we had..the bad.. which i don't recall any. Telling you more of our kisses.. our holding hands.. our us time.. and our everything. But i do have some regrets. I did know we weren't forever so i do regret how less time i had with you. Only if i knew it was going to last for this little time.. i would have loved you more, i would have told you more. I do regret for I won't be able to kiss you more. I do regret for we would now laugh less together. I want to tell you that it's you I'll miss while reading something good.. it's you i would think of when I'll see people laughing with their loved ones. It's you I'll miss when I'll be all by myself. It's you I'll imagine with those songs. And yes, i did thought that you'll grow old along with me. I did thought the best is yet to be.

But it's all good. As they say.. “To love or have loved, that is enough. Ask nothing further.”

And if you would have asked what further is to me.. i would have said.. “We would be together and have our books and at night be warm in bed together with the windows opens and the stars bright.”

I do believe that even if some endings aren't perfect or something like we wished, we can still smile, smile for how beautiful the journey was. I will.. smile.. to every mention of your name, i will smile to everything that will remind me of you. I'll smile hoping that you're somewhere, remembering all this.. sometimes, smiling back.. maybe.

I promise. I will. “Always.”  🖤

Reviews

[Light]

This made me both hurt and amazed inside, it’s beautifully written

[Greg Herb]

What a raw, honest share. I can relate. Thanks for being brave enough to post this.

[barleygirl]

This is an awesome way to honor a relationship that apparently did not work out. Most people are too bitter to draw a balanced portrait of how they feel about the other person, after a romantic relationship is over. I love how you are so honest, but not bitter. You use great detail that sounds realistic & dynamic, remembering the times together. I get the feeling this shows us much about YOU . . . I can feel a strong sense of calm understanding serenity, despite the narrator describing a situation that may be sad or even tortured (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie