Amazing things will happen

collection of random thoughts and observations

If someone asked how 2016 was, no one would go like, “Oh! It was the best year ever!” Everyone’s favorite celebrity seemed to drop dead and some not so welcome political changes await 2017. One has to admire the human spirit of survival- the hope of seeing silver lining at the end of every grey cloud. Isn’t it funny how people think that just a small change in calendar is going to solve all their problem? Like on 31 December , you are one lazy person and on 1 January, a new transformed person wakes up. Even though it seems absurd, I have come to realize that people need to believe in something in order to give themselves hopes that they can do better….to believe that one day they can truly set everything right in the world. Anything would work, even if it’s giving special meaning to a new morning of a new year.

So, how was 2016 for me?  Well the feminist and human in me was still having difficulty digesting some of the political developments and the 20-year old girl in me was still troubled by her 3 month old breakup. You know the worst thing about break-ups; it is that no matter how badly you are treated you still miss that person. There’s a void which you can try and fill with alcohol, random dates, work or material things and it would still be wide enough to make you feel its presence.  Well, 2016 was the year when my oh-so-perfect relationship came to an abrupt end cause he just didn’t “feel like it”, anymore.  I am not going to hide it. I did cry buckets and even though everyone who knows me calls me the strongest and most independent person they have come across, I knew I was damaged for good.

I realized that the breakup was necessary in order to prick the bubble of my idle world and push me outside my comfort zone. So, I decided to work on the fissures it created and introspect. It not only made me confront the ugly face of world but also my own. When you know that problem lies in something outside you, it’s easier to fix. What’s difficult is to accept that maybe you are not as good as you think. And for a girl like me who always underestimated herself, coming face to face with this fact turned out to be a constant battle.

I remember turning to my friends for support and good lord, advises and consolation came in heaps. They ranged from ,”what a jerk he is”, “how much better I deserve ” to “he’s going to come back begging.” And that’s what I used to wish for-him coming back and my search history was filled with articles on “Things to do to get your ex back.” Pro tip, ladies, all those articles are useless. He will come back only if he wants to and nothing you do or say can ever change that. That’s how people function. There’s a switch which goes on and off without any warning.

I was never this girl. The one who cried over a guy and let someone take control of me. I was the one always advising others on how to go about their life and stay strong. That’s what made it worse seeing myself crumbling over something so silly. Hell, I am just 20!

If I have learned anything, time heals everything or at least it gives you space to get a perspective. What this one thing taught me was that it’s okay to feel. Where we human beings struggle the most is loathing the fact that we are capable of feeling something with so much intensity. It’s okay to be hurt, to be sad, to cry out and to love someone, even if doesn’t make sense. Only when you can make peace with who you are and how you feel, then only you can be successful at any attempt of understanding others.

 I understood that maybe I expected too much out of someone and instead, I should become the person I would want to fall in love with. I worked on being caring for myself and prioritizing what I feel and not feel guilty about it. I was a people pleaser and believe me, it got me nowhere. Heck, the person I was closest to left me and now that I look back, probably he never knew who I really was. Why? Cause I always worried about pleasing him and what he wants, so much so that I never said how differently I felt.

Taking reigns of your life and not letting your happiness being dependent on anyone is the most liberating feeling.  So, if anyone asks me, how was 2016, I am going to say,” It was bad, if not worse but probably for the best.” When I worked on myself and for myself, I was able to achieve levels of success and appreciation like never before. Most importantly, I developed the ability to say, “No.” 

Now, where does that leave me?  It leaves me at a point in my life where I can differentiate between what matters and what does not deserve my time and energy.  The value of all those old friends, memories with family and realising once in a while everything needs to end so that you can move towards a new morning of a new you with all the hopes and dreams.  It’s never going to be easy but it’s better to regret a path chosen by you than those dictated by others. 

2017 is all about wishing for a better place to be and amazing things to happen, which can only if you have the courage to be you.