Vague

Vague

A Poem by Dinali Sathma

My silhouette is being kind to me
when I am freckled and torn
An outline of my outer worn
When inside I am gone

Cause beautiful I cannot be
when unruly thorns have sown
The dangers I would've known
before being weary to the bone

In the needed hour I'm gone 
The sudden wind has blown
With the gale's force I'm thrown 
Steady feet keep me at home

Though tis zany what I see
Tis not a cantrip to take me down
At cupid's breeze I doth not be a clown 
I'll fly with thee father off the dome 

© 2012 Dinali Sathma


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I truly enjoyed the first two stanzas of this poem. It was all good, but those two had some truly evocative imagery. "My silhouette is being kind to me / when I am freckled and torn"

What a way to start out. Truly, I see a lot of potential in you for being so young. I do, however, feel that the last stanza kind of took away from the rest of it. Most of the poem is written with a more modern feel, but the use of language like 'tis' and 'doth' and 'thee', in that last stanza is a bit jarring. If it had been used throughout the whole poem, it would have been alright. But it felt forced and unnecessary, drawing away from the honesty I felt in the first two stanzas. Other than that, this was a beautifully, honest poem.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dinali Sathma

9 Years Ago

I'm truly grateful for your advice and encouragement. I had to re write the last stanza and I think .. read more



Reviews

A very beautiful poem. It flowed nicely and was amazingly written!

Posted 9 Years Ago


Dinali Sathma

9 Years Ago

Thanks ...
While this poem is short, it took me a bit of time (not much but still) to read this because of how thick and dense this really is. I noticed a possible spelling error. If you meant "to sew" then it would be sewn not sown. In the words surrounding it though you mention plants. I'm assuming you really mean sown (which you wrote) but I'm just making sure.

Thanks you for producing such a write!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dinali Sathma

9 Years Ago

To begin, I prefer poems that have depth they give quite an adventure and it is sown to mean that th.. read more
eloquently written, your words are poetically enriched with unique, imagery that simply captaviates the mind:


My silhouette is being kind to me
when I am freckled and torn
An outline of my outer worn
When inside I am gone

Cause beautiful I cannot be
when unruly thorns have sown
The dangers I would've known
before being weary to the bone


...absolutely amazing, thank you for all your reviews and for sharing the beauty of your words with us all....

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dinali Sathma

9 Years Ago

Thank you for your review. I will greatly value it. I deeply enjoyed your poetry as well.
ms. barrie

9 Years Ago

you're verily welcome, and thank you for your kind words! :)
I truly enjoyed the first two stanzas of this poem. It was all good, but those two had some truly evocative imagery. "My silhouette is being kind to me / when I am freckled and torn"

What a way to start out. Truly, I see a lot of potential in you for being so young. I do, however, feel that the last stanza kind of took away from the rest of it. Most of the poem is written with a more modern feel, but the use of language like 'tis' and 'doth' and 'thee', in that last stanza is a bit jarring. If it had been used throughout the whole poem, it would have been alright. But it felt forced and unnecessary, drawing away from the honesty I felt in the first two stanzas. Other than that, this was a beautifully, honest poem.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dinali Sathma

9 Years Ago

I'm truly grateful for your advice and encouragement. I had to re write the last stanza and I think .. read more

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Added on December 12, 2012
Last Updated on December 12, 2012

Author

Dinali Sathma
Dinali Sathma

Negombo, Gampaha, Sri Lanka



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