random scene...

Dreams suck for me... But good to use in an upcoming chapter in OUAM, maybe? SPOILERS! :)

Once upon a time (Working on a better beginning...) there was a teenaged couple, friends turned lovers(stupid O' key. Always sticking) just beginning to bud. They were just about to kiss, leaning in, stuck around a stone pathway with plants of various scents filling the air with a romantic breeze. He starts to lean in, going slowly, too slowly. She catches his intent, and leans in, together, not even finger length apart, leaving barely any space between the two of them. They kiss, once, twice, thrice, four times, with each kiss, the two getting closer, the eyes getting droopier, closing out the light, the bright light of that bright yellow sun above them. A breeze then drafts through on the fourth kiss, breaking the two apart, both gasping for breath, both with sweaty palms, sweaty hair, hers with long streams of sweat at her hair line, him with his blonde hair all wet of sweat.

Author's Note

And I woke up, isn't that just nice... So, a scene for OUAM later on? Toying with the idea. I really, really, hate with a passion my dreams. They give me such annoying ideas like this, to cliche and all that. Well... Do you like it?

Reviews

[Jake Donald Stephens]

Hi, Random Person, just thought I'd give you a random review of your random scene.... it's a day for randomness.
Good idea, to make notes of those dreams. (I never remember mine, but I'm kind of glad. They can be distressing.) But sometimes good ideas can come from them.
This sounds good so far.
I'll try to start one of your books sometime this term.


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[Jazique]

Its okay its interesting and nice POV to go with this and I guess in a way it is a bit cliche but, it was a good cliche coming from a dream what can you expect. Anyways nice with ranmdom scene and all totally goes with the writing.

[EMF]

Whatever you do, change anything else in the story, expand it, or knock it down. Do not change those first nine words. They are pure comic gold. The rest in comparison was a good idea, but against your opening... sometimes we are lucky to write

[Bruce Grimes]

Well the first thing I saw was that you need to pick a POV (point of view) for a scene like this. I find when I writing a scene like this it is easiest to write from the female POV. When writing a scene such as this, don't forget to include the sensations caused by the touching of one another. Or something as simple as breathing on the other.
Example: As he leaned in close to her his scent filled the air, causing her breathing to quicken as a strange sensation started to run through her body. Gently he ran his hands along her face causing a fiery sensations to stir deep inside of her as he leaned in and placed his lips upon hers.

This is just one way to be a will to widen the scope of a romantic moment and be able to capture all that is happening in a Kiss.
I hope this helps (Martex)