Dawn and Dusk

Dawn and Dusk

A Poem by Wolf Paws

The light rises on

to take its share of the sky

because light is fair

 

 

 

The moon rises on

to keep watch over darkness

'cause dark isn't fair

© 2014 Wolf Paws


Author's Note

Wolf Paws
syllable cout for both haikus: 5/7/5 and 5/7/5

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Reviews

Your stanza do carry the contrast that I think you were aiming for. I would make two suggestions... The double use of "light" in the first stanza is a bit redundant... I'd change the first "light" to "sun", that way it fits a better opposite contrast to it's counterpart the "moon", that appears in the second stanza. The second thing is... "bea?cause"(SP), how about "because" :)

No...this suggestion is just my opinion. Ending each of the stanza's in "fair" doesn't sit well with me personally... I would change it up a bit and have that last line be, "'cause night does scare". For me, that lends to keep the contrast of the two stanzas, plus... since you used the word darkness, having the word dark in the last line of the same stanza is a bit of an over use. I saw again... this is just my opinion. =)

Overall you've got a great idea with the piece or pieces as they could work on their own just fine!

Aaron - Wolfwind

Posted 6 Years Ago


Wolfwind

6 Years Ago

Oh, I knew that. I didn't see any problem with the use of 'cause in the second stanza. Nor that the .. read more
Wolfwind

6 Years Ago

Wait... my bad... in the alternate version... you could use "because night does scare" for it would .. read more
Wolf Paws

6 Years Ago

Oh, okay...
nice, clever piece, cool write and read!

Posted 6 Years Ago


An exquisite piece that not only defines day and night but good and evil as well.

Posted 6 Years Ago


I like this. Nicely done.
A good contrast between the sun and the moon.

Posted 6 Years Ago


I like the poem. Direct and honest words. In the day s of old. Darkness did control the night. Thank you for the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 6 Years Ago


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Sam
I like it. so simple but says so much. I love your style.

Posted 6 Years Ago


Wolf Paws

6 Years Ago

Thank you! (yet it's not the only style I hold)
Sam

6 Years Ago

I shall keep reading then :)
This is beautiful! I love the way your short haiku's tell a story! Great Work!

Posted 6 Years Ago


writingurl14

6 Years Ago

hehe ;) sooo
Wolf Paws

6 Years Ago

Wkao38siwmi. "So" what?
writingurl14

6 Years Ago

idk ;) ummmm idk what to say lol

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320 Views
8 Reviews
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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on August 6, 2013
Last Updated on July 22, 2014

Author

Wolf Paws
Wolf Paws

Hutto, TX



About
Hello, friend. :) My favorite kind of writing are: animals, sci fi, romance, adventure, fiction, and action. Favorite authors: Kathryn Lasky Erin Hunter H. I. Larry Gordon Koman E. B. White.. more..

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A Poem by Wolf Paws



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