Tonights not the night

dont die tonight, just stay one more night.

Hold on tight, dont turn off that light,

please hold on with all of your might.

 

I know its hard, and i know youre sad,

but please dont go and drive me mad.

 

"Why did he do it, oh why oh why" theyll cry,

and im the only one wholl know why.

 

Please stay, one more night,

hold on with all of your might.

 

I know that i say this every night,

but please, oh please hold on tight.

 

I know everyone says it and its getting old,

but youre the greatest person i know.

 

So, i may be being selfish,

for saying this so,

but please dont go,

oh no.

 

Dont give into the dark, do not feed the shame, i know its hard for you,

to feel the same.

 

I know youre broken, and you cant find your pieces,

 

but please, give me some time, to find them,

to help piece you together again.

 

Just stay one more night,

please keep up the fight,

for i believe in your might.

 

Dont turn out the light,

dont give up the fight,

for i believe in you with all of my might.

 

 

Reviews

[Thomas]

i really liked this piece...probably because i can relate to the feelings shared from both the speaker and the subject. yes, it is harsh but i think it packs a punch and a powerful message.

[Symphonic_Sunflowers]

Thank you so much, Thomas

[Thomas]

i apologize if my critique lacks in any actual constructive criticism...i dont feel i know enough to be judging other peoples work

[Symphonic_Sunflowers]

Thats fine! I already know what i need to do it, im just too lazy to do it... :p

[Symphonic_Sunflowers]

also, i know what you mean

[Enayet1999]

quite harsh I'd say, but very good. Keep up the good work:)

[Symphonic_Sunflowers]

Why do you think its harsh?
Thankyou!

[M.E.Lyle]

Reading the first three lines and and last three lines, a person could almost picture themselves standing on the sidelines of a football game listening to a cheer leaders chant. Hey, hey, whatta' ya say; take that ball the other way. I know this is a very serious topic, and I feel the readers can sense the emotional urgency you must have gone through to produce it. I'm no expert in the art of writing, so who am I to give advice. Having said that, I think if you clean this up a tad, you'll have something really special. Thanks for sharing.

[Symphonic_Sunflowers]

Thanks for reviewing! And I will probably add some more and touch it up a bit :) thankyou so much, M.E :)

[M.E.Lyle]

You're welcome, and I hope I wasn't too harsh. Never give up.

[Symphonic_Sunflowers]

You weren't, and really, i need that sort of criticism, if you will.
Because that's the reason i came to this site, to get proper, constructive reviews, other than "that's good" from my friends and family when they pretend to read my stories

[Tom]

' A friend in need is a friend indeed ' !

A frank and sincere poetic beseech, nicely penned !

[Symphonic_Sunflowers]

Thanks so much, Tom c:

[Sophy Freebirds]

Ohh yea!! Its not the night. I really liked the rhyming form of this poem boy.. Yea you are really gonna put up the pieces and make your girl strong.. very nice.boosted me up!!

~Sophy

[Symphonic_Sunflowers]

Thankyou so much, Sophy!