The Watchers

Inspired by all the callousness in society, where people are more inclined to stand by and watch suffering, rather than stopping and helping, I hope this poem spreads awareness and empathy.

On one clearest of nights, I compelled to a-walking,

the nightly winds whipping my face,

The streets were lined with anonymous Watchers

just standing there, watching the place.

I turned the first bend and alas! A poor lad,

the shabbiest of clothes did the young beggar clad;

He reached to the Watchers, begging compassion -

but the Watchers just stood there a-watching.

The next bend brought worse than the first, and alas!

Another poor fellow run down by a cab

Bleeding life through his mouth, no doubt from the clout

The carnivorous Watchers stood fast, numbly watching.

The third bend brought horror unmatched by the latter

An infant, wailing and clutching its mother

The mother was still, and then with a shudder

It dawned that the poor girl had passed. 

By her left side lay evidence of deadly infliction

Her doing, no doubt, from the depths of addiction;

And the poor infant cried for its mother who died

the despicable Watchers all stood there, just watching.

As I came to the last bend, I noticed a sign

It read "Watchers, Beware: The Truth You Will Find" -

As I rounded the corner, 'twas naught but a mirror,

The reflection inside it could not have been clearer;

Alas! It was me, the horrified Walker

I had lent no help either, I too was a Watcher.

Take care, fellow man, for we all are inclined

to be sheep of the flock, the Watchers, the blind.

Reviews

[Nigel Newman]

I remember watching 'Midnight Cowboy' for the first time as a relatively young man. You may know there is a scene where the young man from the small country town has come to the city. He's dazzled by the noise, the cars, the neon, the skyscrapers, the energy. But then he sees a homeless person collapsed on the cold sidewalk (probably a combination of exposure and OD), and he's puzzled then cross that everyone just walks past, trying to ignore what they see. Back then, that scene shocked and saddened me. Today ....?

So I think your piece has an important message. However, I found your way of writing a bit hard to get into. It's partly in an almost folk-song language, and part parable style. But I found it hard to get any kind of rhythm into how I read it to myself. Just as I thought I'd understood the rhythm, the syllables and number of lines changed. OK I thought - we don't need a rhythm. But if not, why the strange phrasing and style of language. So I'm a little bemused. I like the message and use of the walk through the streets, but ...

Hope this helps. (60 views and no responses is not nice, I know from experience).

Regards
Nigel

[D. P. Sumner]

Thank you for the review Nigel...I actually submitted this poem to a poetry subreddit and received a large amount of unfavorable reviews. I suppose the rhythm sounded good in my head when I was writing it, but as the majority has shown, it's not very good. I've honestly moved on from this piece and frankly I'm not sure whether or not to delete it from here, as it seems to tarnish my reputation more than anything. However, it is always good to hear constructive criticism, so thank you!