A Walk Through the Graveyard

A little horror story I had to write for English class in high school when we were studying Frankenstein.

I looked out the window and noticed the beauty of the sun’s setting rays and decided to take a walk. I had no idea of the horrors I would witness that night. I strolled through my quiet town for what must have been an hour and looked up to see a cloudless and starlit sky. In the sky was a gorgeous deep amber harvest moon that made the night even more serene.

I lost track of where I was going, walking in a trance like state when I heard a deep rhythmic chanting that brought me back to consciousness. I looked around and noticed I was in the middle of a graveyard.

In the distance I could see a group of hooded figures dressed in black robes. As I drew closer, carefully, I noticed they were standing in a circle with a man’s width between them. Cautiously I crept forward hiding in the shadows of the headstones.

Soon I was close enough to see what they were standing around. I had to stifle a gasp of horror as there was the head of a ram, blood still pouring from its neck wound. I tried to look away, but my eyes were locked on the symbol the head rested on. A giant pentagram.

Suddenly the sky grew black and a storm approached. All the while the chanting grew louder. And then the mouth of Hell opened.

The chanting stopped as the ground shook and the earth split apart. Flames leapt out of the ground and a huge figure soared out of the gaping hole.

Looking up I saw the creature was pitch black with deep red veins running all over its body. It had huge spiraling horns growing out of its temples, wings that folded to its body and suddenly burst out showing a huge wingspan of at least eight feet. Its hands were human like only in that it had four fingers and thumbs. Claws would be a better description though. Instead of feet the demon, for that is the only thing such a creature could be, had giant pointed hooves.

Its eyes were a smoky glowing red that reminded me of the blood flowing from the ram.

And then it struck.

It screeched down at those who’d summoned him, with an unholy howl. The creature ripped flesh and soaked the ground and graves with blood. The sight was so terrifying that I had to look away and did not return my gaze til the screams faded into the night.

When I looked again, the demon was looking at me.

"Never call forth a demon," it told me in a deep raspy voice. "There is only death for those who tamper too far in the supernatural."

It smiled, licked the blood from its fingers and jumped into the earth.

That is my story and to those who doubt, note that padded walls won’t save me.

Reviews

[lAcEy_LoO's Poems Site]

I loved it... i really did!!!! it was great!!!

[emmajoy]

This is almost a scary warning! You built up the momentum very well, using very fine words and phrases to do so. Maybe you could ease your language into more natural sentences though, writers don't have to be overly dramatic. Plus, shorter sentences might help here and there.

'I had to stifle a gasp of horror as there was the head of a ram, blood still pouring from its neck wound. I tried to look away, but my eyes were locked on the symbol the head rested on. A giant pentagram.' Although the content of those two sentences is pretty horrific, the sentences are well formed and flow well. Maybe you could strike for that all the way through.

Tho' I don't like blood and the like, it's not my type of reading, I truly look forward to reading more of your work.

[Kaden Sylvers]

well written, & strong images, but maybe a little too methodical....when you said the demon "had four fingers and a thumb" it was a little too much detail. overall, detail is good, but try to put a little more *emotion* in it because that will make the narrative so much more powerful. And metaphors and other literary devices.

[Kara Emily Krantz]

oh goodness, lol. not something i would normally read, but i couldn't help myself. hehe.

is it bad that i sort of chuckled when you wrote: "And then the mouth of Hell opened." ? Yeah, because I sort of chuckled. :) it's so dramatic!

but anyways, back to reality, i liked this... and i liked the warning at the end, i liked how you made it more than just a narration of events, and that the demon conversed with the narrator.

:) is that a legitimate enough review? better than me just saying "i giggled"?

hugs