Pet Peeves or Pet Pees

Well, one more chance. I opened the next stall door. Wouldn't you know it? A broken lock. There's nothing worse than trying to wipe yourself when someone opens the door.

 

I have two issues when I enter a public building. Both have to do with the user and the cleanliness of the public restroom. I can’t say all public facilities are nasty but let’s face it many are. (Have I lost anyone yet? Don’t worry, it gets better.) I’ve been to many eating establishments and used their restroom only to find, much to my amazement, the room looked like it hasn’t been cleaned in days. Usually it hadn’t. (I thought the health department had rules about that.) And how about those small, single owned and operated gas stations? I’ve been to a lot of them that I know have not been cleaned in a year! And yet the health department is still nowhere to be found.

 

I’ve been in many cities and in many stores, and the first thing I do when I enter is make a beeline to the public restroom. Have you ever opened the door and the odor almost knocked you over? Just remember that’s not the fault of the end user.

　

　

　

I have watched employees in many establishments “clean” their washrooms. First of all, they don’t want to do this to begin with. (It just can’t be in their job description. Is it?) “Cleaning” entails dragging the broom and mop into the restroom, empting the trash receptacles, changing the toilet paper and refilling the hand towel receptacle (sometimes), wiping down the sink area (There’s no telling what’s in that spray bottle.), and hit and miss with the broom and mop. What happened to cleaning and sanitizing the inside and outside of the toilet bowl, empting the sanitation bin that’s stuffed to the gills? (There’s nothing worse than the odor of used sanitation implements that has sat for more than a few hours let alone days.) What about cleaning the dried splatter on the wall behind the toilet? What about refilling the hand soap container and washing and sanitizing that baby changing wall unit? (Forgive me but I wouldn’t lay my baby on that!) And what about having a little courtesy for our noses. Hang a deodorizer on the wall for that fresh scent we all love for goodness sake.

 

I don’t get out that much but when I do I’m out for several hours, So I visit several wash facilities. (Too much water and a small bladder.) I had a very interesting excursion the last time I shopped at my local super store. As I entered the store I made a beeline to the woman’s washroom. Of course the first greeting was from odor. (Hello) I really did have to go so I wrinkled my nose, held my breath, (You can only do that for so long.) rolled my eyes, and made for the first of five stalls. (Now for the twilight zone!)

I opened the first door and gagged. Someone left a big one and was too lazy to flush. How disgusting! I turned around to leave, can you believe it, that thing called me a t**d!

 

The next stall had… cover your eyes… dried diarrhea clinging to the inside of the toilet bowl. I don’t think so.

 

This is getting ridiculous I thought as I slowly opened the next stall door. Wouldn’t you know it? A broken lock. There’s nothing worse than trying to wipe yourself when someone pushes open the door. (I’m sure this hasn’t happened to you.) I’m not in that much of a hurry. Besides there’s no toilet paper.

Stall number four. Occupied. Sorry! Try again.

 

Well, one more chance. I opened the last stall door. Dog Gone It! Some woman just did a splash dance on the seat! I really hate that. (I see you make a face, but it is what it is. No sense in being nice about it. I know from doing research on the internet that it is extremely, extremely hard to catch any viruses or communicable diseases on top of the toilet seat. There are more diseases left on the sink and door handles than left on toilet seats. THAT’S NOT THE POINT!) Ranting and raving I yanked a big wad of toilet paper from the roll to wipe off her pee. I heard a terrified scream…. “Please don’t hurt me!” My hand froze in mid air. What the…?

　

Looking around dumfounded I whispered, “Who said that?” I didn’t want the lady in the next stall thinking I’d flipped.

 

“Me.”

 

“And exactly who is me?” I was sounding crazy, even to myself. “Quick! Out with it! I don't have all day!”

 

“I’m Pee. That kind lady left me here before you came.”

 

Wouldn’t you know I’d have to get a body function aftereffect that talks. Who would have thought? “Kind?” I hissed as quietly as I could. “ What educated and civilized person, pees on the public toilet seat and leaves it there? Do you know how disgusting that makes that person look and what it says about people in general? I can’t help but ask; is this how people, who use public toilets, behave at home?”

 

“I don’t know but… I want to live.” Pee moaned. I guess Pee realized I wasn’t a happy camper. Why can’t someone put a sign on the inside of the stall doors that say: If you tinkle on the seat clean it up. Would the person on the splash dance end care? Since it’s a big problem I doubt that. What if I peed on the seat and left it? What would I look like to the person just behind me? Go ahead, hang your head. And mercilessly I wiped that pee off and used the toilet.

 

You’ll have to excuse me for my pet peeves. Especially my rantings about the disgusting habits of people who show their lack of upbringing in public facilities when others have to use them behind them. I’m not one to demean anyone but I say it as I see it. Maybe one day in the future public facilities will be self cleaning. (Don’t bet on it, but we can dream.)

Author's Note

Anything you want!

Reviews

[Jim Parson]

OMG, this is disgusting! I'm going to go back and read Midlife Fantasy again. Ha ha! Well done! A valid rant said with gusto and proper punctuation! In spite of the faces I made while reading it, I enjoyed this!