As The Seasons Change

The Feeling of love is fluid and just as the seasons change, it is ever changing. Here we follow the journey of one man as his perspective of love gets turned upside down

Love is such a fleeting concept nowadays, you can keep saying “I love you” to someone and it wouldn’t mean much. I used to be one for romance, one of those who would sing about how love conquers all or one of those who still believed that true love still exists, but as the seasons changed, so did my perspective on love. It was during the first days of winter, the snow slowly falls on to the paved roads, the leaves have started to wither, and my heart freezing over reacting to what had just occurred. I was patiently waiting at the diner where my girlfriend and I frequented, the familiar smell of the eggs and bacon from the kitchen, the soothing music of the jukebox permeating the room, and kind smiles of the waiters would always put my mind at ease, we were set to meet there for our dinner date and I was planning to ask a very important question. As I saw her figure approached the door, my palms were sweating with anticipation but as I saw her walking through the door, her face seemed gloom. She then sat down on the chair across from mine. “What’s the matter dear?” I asked.

“We need to talk.” She answered meekly, “This is not working out anymore.”

Taken aback I answered, “What do you mean sweetie?”

“Stop calling me that!” She yelled back at me. After that everything was just a blur of colors and a jumble of word. That conversation lasted for about 20 minutes before she decided to leave, I was too in shock to give chase. As I sat there thinking about how everything went wrong, I took the small box from my coat pocket only to open it and wonder what am I to do with this proposal ring. I felt as if my world has been turned upside down, after 2 years into a relationship I thought that we were strong enough to last a lifetime. After wallowing in my sorrows for about an hour, I decided to go back home and never come back to that diner but before I went out the door, I wanted to leave a parting gift to the place that had hold so many memories. I placed the proposal ring on the counter with a note that reads, “I didn’t had much luck with this. I hope that it would be more useful for you.” And left the diner. The walk home that night was a lonely one, the winds were singing a harrowing tune, the sound of birds are nowhere to be heard, and even the annoyance of traffic is nowhere to be seen. My heart that day was as frozen as the winter day.

 

A few months passed since then, my life has taken a turn for the worse. If you were to look around my apartment, you would see a pile of dirty laundry lying on the corner of the room, a week old pizza half eaten on the table, and no sign of any self-respect is to be seen. I was passed out cold on the sofa from another night of drinking, until a knock on my door had waken me up. The knocking became more aggressive as I slowly stumble through the door. I peered through the peep hole to fine that it was Jake, my best friend and co-worker, he then said while looking down on his phone, “Hey Josh where have you been? The Bossman is looking…” he paused as he finally looked upon my pathetic excuse for an apartment. “What the hell happen man?! Did a tornado tore up the place? And how old is that pizza?”

“Nothing happened, no, and I think that pizza is about a week old.” I replied.

“You look terrible man,” he said while eating the week old pizza “what’s the matter man?”

“Well the love of my life left me a few months ago and now there is a hole in my heart that may never be filled ever again, but other than that I’m great….”

Jake looks at me menacingly and said “Okay, that’s it.” As he was pulling the blanket I was wearing as a coat. “Get dressed, tonight we are going out your favorite spot in town and we are going get you out of this rut!”

“And where exactly do you think is my favorite spot?”

“The game bar by the park of course!”

Even though I am not exactly in the mood to go out, I appreciate his efforts and reluctantly agreed to with this plan, “Fine, fine. I’ll get dressed.”

“Well you better hurry up, you’re about this close to losing your job.” And then he lumps on the couch while I get ready. As I looked at myself on the bathroom mirror, the bags under my eyes, the unshaven beard, and the paleness of my skin, all pointed out to my life being in shambles. I didn’t have the energy to clean myself up completely but I decided to take a quick shower and shave at the very least. After 15 minutes in bathroom, I emerge out of the bathroom looking somewhat presentable. “Ugh finally!” exclaimed Jake “Come on, I’ll give you a lift to the office. Hopefully they haven’t thrown all your stuff out.” He then quickly walks out the apartment. As I walked out of the apartment, the bright sun felt like a thousand needles piercing my skin at the same time. A long time has passed since I felt the sun on my face, the warmth of the sun has been a bane to me ever since that faithful night, but that day was the beginning of spring and the flowers were starting to bloom, I felt like they were taunting me. I then got into Jake’s car, on the way to the office we passed by places that used to hold precious memories are now nothing but constant reminders of things that could’ve been, the bar where we first met, her favorite art museum, and the park where we had our first date, we even passed a flower shop, which so happened to be selling the flower that she likes, all of them are only there to remind me of what I have lost.

We arrived at the office, nothing special really happened, a normal day passed by as a medium waged blue collar worker. I never thought the work was so soul sucking, each and every day, day in and day out, I just do the same thing over and over again. Thankfully tonight would be a little bit out of the norm. It has been a while since I was at the game bar, the last time I remembered going there was when I was in college being drunk and playing beer pong with some friends, and those were simpler times when you have more freedom but before the responsibilities of adulthood became fully realized.

 

Jake, a few friends, and I went to the game bar right after the work day is done. As we arrived at the bar, I can tell that the air is filled with the smell of alcohol, sweat, and peer pressure, oh what I give to be a teenager again. The guys waste no time getting wasted and making mistakes, and before we noticed it some of the people who came with us already left to go make mistakes elsewhere. While I would love to join Jake, who is already singing at the karaoke machine, I decided to step out and get some fresh air at the nearby park.

I’ve always loved the night air, the cool breeze is very relaxing, the absence of heavy traffic is calming, and the rural atmosphere of the park only amplifies that feeling. I would often times find myself wandering parks with no direction to go, sometimes I would sit on a park bench and observe the people around me, or just enjoy the moment. Tonight there is no one in sight but I decided to sit on a park bench, to immerse myself, and to think. Looking back, I found myself asking questions like: why didn’t I see it sooner? Was it my fault?  And why have I let myself go? These and a thousand more questions were swimming in my mind, a part of me felt at peace but another part felt like screaming at the world, cursing at it, thinking 'what did I do to deserve such a fate?!' As I put hands on my face, frustrated at everything that had happened, I found out that I was no longer alone.

“Wow,” A woman said from the other end of the bench, “You look terrible. Everything okay, there?” I will never forget the first time I looked upon that angelic figure, her beautiful auburn hair reminds me of the falling leaves of autumn, her deep green eyes pierced right through soul, and that slight crooked smile looks so beautiful on her, “Hello?” she exclaimed, “not much of a talker are you? Well don't mind me then." she then takes out a little pad and starts to scribble something on it. 

"What you got there?" I finally asked. 

"Well someone finally decided to talk!" she said with a smile, "well if you really want to know, I usually go out on quiet night like this to draw. And tonight I found myself drawn to this park."

"Are you like some sort of artist?"

She then laughs a hearty laugh "oh I wish I was that good, but no this is just something I love to do to get my mind off of things that stresses me out." she then caught eye that I kept looking at her sketch pad, "Would you like to see some of my drawings?"

"I would love to." she then handed me her sketchpad and as I flipped through her work, my eyes laid feast on beautiful pencil work of buildings, nature, people, and all manner of beautiful scenery. "Wow, you are amazing at this!"

"Thanks... “She replied, "The name's Jenna by the way." she then reaches out to shake my hand. 

"I'm Josh, it's a pleasure to meet you." I said as I shook her hand. 

"So Josh, care to share what are you doing here by yourself?”

"Well if you see right there.” I said as I am pointing at my friend singing through the window of the bar, "I was with those guys a bit earlier, but I decided to step out to get some fresh air.” 

She then looks at the embarrassment that is Jake and said, "Yikes! He seems to be having fun, what's the occasion? "

"Heh, nothing special. We just wanted to have fun but it turned into a mess in there."

"Well if you still want to go have some fun, I know a spot that is pretty awesome." she said while standing up and holding out her hand, "So do you want to come with or not?" 

I took her hand and exclaimed, "alright, lead the way.”

“Cool, the place is not far from here.” She said with a big grin on her face while she drags me to a place that I was unfamiliar with. Thinking about it now, why did I trust her so easily? She was a complete stranger and yet I feel like I already know her.

After around 10 minutes of walking we arrived at a place called “The Singing Oyster”, the place was not crowded but it was still very lively.  It was small a small cafe on the edge of town, the atmosphere there was very relaxing, you can smell the freshly grounded coffee beans permeating through the room, and the live jazz was the cherry on top that makes the place seem alive. "So?" she said, “what do you think of the place?"

"Wow," I said while I was scanning the place full of vintage Knick knacks and paintings, "this place is amazing. How did you find this place? I've lived all my life in this city and I've never found this place."

"This place just opened up, a friend of mine owns it. So if you come here with me, you can get a discount."

"Sweet, you must have some interesting friends." 

"Ha-ha yeah." a moment of awkwardness then ensues. I wasn't sure why but being with her are both comforting and nerve wrecking at the same time.

"I think we should take a seat." I said in attempt to break the awkwardness.

"Oh right, I know good spot." she then leads me to a spot on the roof overlooking the countryside. 

Looking at it, I didn't think that I was in the city anymore and could just let my problems go away. "You're right. This is an amazing spot." 

"Yeah... Oh I already ordered us they're most amazing drink, I'm sure you'll love it. It's Bavarian coffee and it is by far the best coffee I have ever tasted."

"I'll take your word for It." as I said that, the waiter brought us the drinks, "Well speak of the devil."

"Cheers." she said as she raises her glass. As we drank the coffee, the bitterness of the coffee started to dance on my tongue, as well as something sweet, is it milk? Fruit? Or maybe it's the coffee itself? Either way, that coffee has been my favorite ever since. 

"Well?" she asked as I was enjoying the coffee, "I wasn't lying about the coffee huh?"

"Definitely never tasted something like that before. I love it" the night then continue with some lovely conversation between strangers. We were so preoccupied with each other that the staff had to kick us out because the place was closing. 

"Wow!" she exclaimed, "I didn't realize that we were talking for that long.”

"Yeah me neither." I commented, "But I had a really nice time with you."

She smiled shyly, "Hey do you want to does this again sometime?"

"Yeah, I'd love to." we then exchanged numbers and went on our separate ways. That night I went back home that day with a pep in my step, some weight off my shoulders, a smile on my face, and my once frozen heart started to bloom once more. 

 

A few months passed and we kept seeing each other, sometimes to small places, like our favorite hangouts, other times to some place special, like a masked ball. We gotten to know each other very well. And as the summer times roll in, we decided to meet up at the singing oyster and talk. At this point we had dated for about two months, "Hey there teddy bear." she said to me in a cutesy voice, "what do you want to talk about?"

"Hey there honey mustard." I said as I try to keep in my excitement, "what's the rush? Can't we just eat and drink first?" she started to stare me down, suspicious of my intentions, "What's the matter Jen?"

"You're acting really suspicious right now." she said that as the waiter brought us our food, "Did poison my food?" 

"What? No! Why would I even do that?"

"I don't know maybe you think I'm annoying but breaking up with me is too hard and now you're getting rid of me the old fashioned way." Her speech was rapid and breathless, you can see the nervous sweat pouring down.

I sat there with a bland look on my face, "Honey that doesn't make any sense. If I found you annoying, why would I be asking you to move in with me? "

She sat back with a stunned look on her face, "What.... You want me to move in with you?"

"Well we've been together for a while now and I think we're ready to take our relationship to the next step." I said as I handed her the keys to my apartment, "So Jenna would you like to move in with me?"

She stood up, walked to me, and gave me a passionate kiss, "does that answer it for you?"

I stood up, grabbed her, and said "I'm not sure yet."

"Yes!" she said as she kissed me again, "yes, yes, and yes! I would be honored to Josh."

"I think I love you Jenna.”

She blushed "I..... I think I love you too." she held on to me tightly day. 

The next day we started to move her stuff and slowly my once dark and cold apartment, started to be filled with dresses, canvases, art supplies, and small knick knacks. My apartment started to shine as brightly as the summer day. 

One day when I got back from work, I found that Jenna had a surprise for me, "Honey I'm home." I said as I go through my front door. I found her standing in front of the door wearing a dirty painting gown and with a giant canvas behind her draped in cloth. "What is all this?"

She smiled and said, "Well, remember two weeks ago when you asked me what I was doing buying a giant canvas?"

"Yeah, I almost didn't let you buy it."

"It was for a very special project and I finally finished it. Do you want to see?" 

"Yeah, of course." She then steps to the side of the painting, pulling the cloth off it with full force to uncover a beautiful painting of the two of us, around it was everything that was important for us integrated beautifully with the portrait. "So?" she started to ask, "What do you think?"

At a loss for words, I did the only that I thought was appropriate to do, I ran to her and embraced her, "Thank you... “I said, "I feel like the luckiest man alive to have you by my side."

She started running her hand to my hair and said, "And I'm so lucky to be with you." she then gave me a kiss.  We ended the night embracing each other in bed and made love the entire night. 

A few more months passed and I our love only grew during those times. We know everything about each, our quirks, our habits, our favorite things, and ourselves, we meant the world to each other and nothing could separate us....

 

That day, we were supposed to meet by the park where we first met. The autumn leaves were starting to fall, the wind had started to turn cold, and I was sweating with anticipation. We were coming close for being together for 10 months, that's not a long time, but I feel like it's time. I bought her the ring last week, it wasn’t the fanciest ring out there but I thought that she would be okay with it. I waited for her at the bench where met each other for the first time, I was lost in thought of our future together, the family we were going to build, and the memories we would make when I heard the screaming. 

I immediately ran towards it, it was a car crash and as I move through the crowd and I saw two bodies lying on the ground, one was that of the driver and the other was Jenna... I was shocked, I immediately ran towards her, held her and yelled, "Somebody please! Somebody call an ambulance!" frustrated at the slow reaction of the crowd, I carried her all the way to a nearby hospital. I slammed through the door and screamed, "Somebody help! Somebody please help my girlfriend!" One of the nurses took her and send her to the operating room. I followed close behind but was stopped by one the staff, "I'm sorry," he said, "but you cannot enter. You have to wait here." and then it started the most frustrating few hours of my life. It was agonizing, the uncertainty of what is to happen, the self-blame that I had to endure, and the feeling of helplessness was consuming me. 

After a solid 5 hours, one of the doctors came up to me. "So doc, when can I see my future wife?" The doctor just stood there, unsure of how to break the bad news, but I could already tell. "No! Please tell me that you're not going to say what I think you're going to say."

"I'm sorry." the doctor said as I began to break down in tears, "we found this in her backpack. I think you would like to keep It." he handed me her sketchpad, the last thing of hers that I held. I sat back down looking through her drawings, looking through old memories, and on the last page was a drawing of a white gown, on the bottom it was written "I can't wait to wear this one day, walking up the aisle to my teddy bear." I couldn't hold it in anymore, my eyes were filled with nothing but tears.

A week after her death, here we are now, at her funeral. Her family had asked me to do a speech on her behalf. I'm nervous, anxious about what to say, and worried that I don't get to say what I need to say. But as I walk up these steps towards the altar and as her coffin is being buried, my love for her will never falter and yet my heart has dropped and may never rise again just as the leaves of autumn. 

Author's Note

My very first work that I am willing to publish. Any and all criticisms are appreciated.