Day at the Park

Two women sitting on a park bench.
Their aged eyes glisten in the sun,
looking at them, it is impossible not to imagine
the life they’ve lived.

Two friends sitting on a park bench.
Smiling at the pigeons walking around their orthopedic shoes,
laughing about times past.
A history that would last a lifetime.

Two lifetimes, sitting on a park bench.
Time passing by like the cracked pavement beneath
the beaten up ’66 mustang convertible
that carried them away from the life they knew,
together.

Two hearts sitting on a park bench.
Reminiscing about adventures,
bare skin hitting cold water,
grass stains covering knees,
moldy couches in old basements,
moving through the world,
hand in hand.


Two minds sitting on a park bench.
Silently smirking at dark secrets.
Understanding the meaning of life;
Scraped knees and first kisses,
grandchildren and wooden canes.

Two friends sitting on a park bench.

Author's Note

constructive criticism is always welcome. :)

Reviews

[umeus]

perhaps use the final stanza as an opening stanza too

and then -

Two women sitting on a park bench.
aged eyes glisten in the sun,
imagine
the lives they’ve lived.

and -

Two elderss sitting on a park bench.
pigeons pecking orthopedic shoes,
laughing about times past.
history to last lifetimes.

and -

consider getting rid of third stanza ?
better without I think

just some ideas for you
hope I have not overstepped

[Desiree Swendsen]

thank you :) and i do think that the 3rd stanza does seem a little out of place, it got aimed away from what I was originally going to write. Thank you for your review.

[umeus]

my suggestions are a way to point to areas of inquiry - use what works for you - toss the rest. and feel free to call me on my b.s. ramblings too.