Dry Ice

Confidence is tricky, it’s a slippery thing,

like the ice on the ground, can’t you melt now

Such a hot, hot ice, dry ice,

yeah they say it’s so cold that it burns you.

 

Yeah, hell is hot but heaven’s cold,

make up your mind, before you go blind

Such a cold, cold mess, hot mess,

try to put it on, put on your best.

 

Cause I know what I see, what I see,

how I see, it’s so fulfilling,

searching for the person that sees

just like I do.

 

Take on the world, it’s an evasive thing,

spinning so fast, can you keep track

of such a fast, fast world, slow world,

yeah it’s spinning so fast that it slows you.

 

Yeah, death is far, but life is short,

like a fly on the wall, then you free fall,

and then you burn, burn, burn, resurrect,

like the phoenix you are, give it your best.

 

Cause I know what I see, what I see,

how I see, it’s so fulfilling,

searching for the person that sees

just like I do.

Reviews

[StoryTailor]

Hm... I'm sorry it took so long for me to respond, my internet is... weird. Although, I must say I really do enjoy your repetition. To me it seems to emphasize the point. Although, it's simply an opinion, I certainly enjoyed that aspect. And the main point was beautiful as well. A great write!

[Stephen Scaggs]

Dear Ms. Kae,

Thank you again for the reading request. As you can tell, I will give any poem you send to me a reading request... within reason. When writing, try to avoid using a substrate. I have used the beat of a song to write a poem. It also helps create rhythm. But go in after you write it and edit any things. You use a little too many repetitions. It took me awhile to read into what you wrote and try to convey a message. Make sure you never ramble as the reader will be like, "uh... that was a nice poem." And then click the red X button at the top right. I will stress it again that flow is key to the success of a good poem. Repetition is good for maybe a song, but for a poem... they don't have the same beat you have in your head. It sounds different when I read it off. A positive note, is nice poem structure. I can't stand all the writers on this site who don't even break stanza lines. It really agitates me. Good message again. "Confidence is slippery, it's a tricky thing." True that. 8.5/10.

Sincerely,
S. W. Scaggs