Clear my Mind

Just something I wrote tonight at the canal. Sorry, it's pretty long. I consider all my poems to also be lyrics because music inspires me and I think of my poems as raps when I write.

Chilling at the canal, found a table

Sittin here tryna clear my mind

Trying to figure out why I'm not able

To talk to people but I can't, so I leave it all behind

 

People reading this will be confused about the flow of this poem but f**k the rules

I just sit here writing s**t because it's cool to be the fool

That writes boring s**t to make people drool

 

Just random s**t that's getting worse and worse

Type of s**t that'll put you in a hearse

Dying from boredom verse after verse

But I keep writing, it's a f*****g curse.

 

Man that s**t's depressing.

 

OK, more positive now

S**t gets better, why u looking so down

All day long walk around with a frown

Like you were lost a never found

But it's your fault your so damn shy, man quit looking down.

 

Chin up you b***h!

Someone ought to slap you in the face and make you notice your opportunities

So much more people here man, just talk to your community!

But it's like shyness is a disease and you got no f*****g immunity.

 

Well the bad news is this text won't change your life, man you gotta do that on your own

The good news is your getting your flow back over the course of this poem

 

Nothing like patting yourself on the back there

But look back there

Man, there's nothing behind you.

So just move forward, don't look back man, quit trying to find you!

You don't s**t to lose, you don't s**t to prove man, you know that's true.

You used to be social, man you know so, who cares if these people are new.

 

Just keep writing, just keep fighting, you'll overcome the fear that's deep inside!

Don't let this fake barrier stop you, you know you can't always hide!

 

S**t! F**k being shy man, I just wanna be high man. F**k it!

Why is it that one simple feeling deep inside keeping me so low, make me wanna kick the bucket.

 

OK that's too far man, you know that's a lie!

Even though that your shy, even though you're not high, you're more than happy to be alive.

You're on a bumpy road and you don't know where you're going but you do know that you wanna drive.

At least when you're here writing your rhymes you know that you thrive.

 

Kinda sorta

I'm just tryna get mind sort-up

I mean sorted out

What the f**k am I doing writing to myself?

 

I kinda like it though.

Peace and serenity surrounds me listening to the water flow.

Why am I alone here sitting on a bench at night, I don't even know.

I kinda like it though.

 

Don't even wanna go back in that s**t hole of a dorm.

I cant believe how boring my life is right now, plus that place is way to warm.

My life's like a storm

Constantly throwing crazy bullshit at me unalarmed.

I never get warned.

 

Man, now you just sound sorry for yourself

Quit being such a downer, it's bad for your health

Even though the going gets tough, you know that life's rough

So enough with the negative s**t coming out of your mouth.

 

Quit being so depressing, enough with confessing

Just go and enjoy your f*****g life

Your future is brighter than the flame from your lighter

Maybe even some kids and a wife.

 

But that's too far

I live in the present

I want a car

That would a present

 

Man that was some random s**t, but who cares

I care

I am aware

That no matter what I write, I want to be proud of it, and that fair

 

And I kinda am I guess

I mean I think I'm kinda blessed

Even though this mind is fucked up sometimes, it's creative none the less

Now that I got that off my chest

I must confess

 

This is the realest s**t I ever wrote since that poem about my sis I never knew.

I'm going to find somewhere to post this online for people to view.

 

I hope they like it and don't mind that my style is kinda odd

I mean I don't really follow writing trends, hell I might not even be talented but at least I'm not a fraud

 

That isn't aiming at anyone I'm just saying a fraud is something I am not.

I am unique and proud to be different even though I am not

 

By not I mean proud

You'll never hear me say that s**t out loud

 

Cause it ain't true, I hate being different

In the sense that I envy the ones who just take life and live it

Like it's effortless, man how am I supposed to take life how it's given

When I can't even make a single friend here in this new world I now live in.

 

Well, since I want to post this

I should probably note this

Here's a little back story so just focus

 

Stay with me don't leave

I know this is long but just breathe

 

OK, so I'm from the norf, right in between Sudbury and Sault Stee Marie to be exact.

I'm now in Carleton University in Ottawa and that's a fact.

 

I'm from a small town, everyone knows everyone, we get along well.

Now I'm in Ottawa, I f*****g love this city but life on campus right now seems like hell.

 

That's harsh because it's great here and the people here are too.

The problem is all me, I'm shy as f**k, if you walk passed I won't talk to you.

 

But I'm a nice guy, deep inside, I hold the door open for people and smile.

And I try hard but not enough, I haven't had a proper conversation in a while.

 

Sure I talk to some people every once in a while, usually when they talk first.

But it never lasts, I have no proper friends here and the feeling is the worst

 

But I don't like to complain

I hate how I'm sobbing in words right now, I just want to explain

The origin of all of these words flying out of my brain.

I swear though I'm completely sane.

 

And I get thinking

Why is it I can only talk to people when I'm drinking?

After I got a few drinks in

You could blink n'

Just like that, people I'm meeting

 

But like I've said in the past.

Just like the booze, nothing ever lasts.

People say i just need to build up my confidence but it's such a task

And it's one I can't grasp

 

Dyllan just try harder, get out there

Quit chillin', try harder, get out there

I feel ill when someone walks by and I don't say s**t, man ain't fair

Especially someone I've met, she must think I don't care

 

Sorry, no further explanation on that point right now, maybe another date.

I hope that this inspires and maybe some people can relate.

 

I don't know how to end this so I'm gonna end it here.

While I go back to my dorm and "try harder" to fight my fear.

Dyllan Williston

Author's Note

I went over the poem, the spelling errors that are present in this poem are intentional. I hope swearing is OK.