Chapter-3

I sat on the stage for  a while. I had to think. I wanted to help James. I knew that I wasn't equipped, but at least Mickey was being somewhat up front about what was going on. The previous winter, when TJ had stayed with me, well, it was a disaster. He called me in November saying that he'd got a job on snow crew and asked if he could stay at the mountain house. Mickey and James and even Hannah had all told me that it was a good idea. Nobody had bothered to tell me that TJ was just getting out of rehab. 

But TJ and James are also very different people, though close friends. James carries a pleading look on his face at all times and he's always fun whether he is on drugs or not. It wasn't a good situation when TJ had stayed with me because TJ is like a stone box with no openings and has random blackouts and explosions. TJ could never admit a wrong, but was quick to project himself on to everybody and anybody who might wander into the room. 

James had more of his adult (if you can call it that) life sober than fucked up. But then again, it's his brain that is fucked up.

I sighed. I kept thinking these circles. James was special. James was probably never going to get out of this. James is going down. James is a sweetheart. James is hot. James is going to die. Once a junkie always a junkie. I'd seen friends slide fast down the junkie hill before. I'd lost friends that way. At 25, I'd been around long enough to know in my brain there was nothing I could do to pull a friend back up on the deck if they'd already jumped off of the ship. But in my heart, I kept seeing James's pleading eyes and knew that no matter how pointless it might be, I'd be there as soon as I could and I would take him in. I could already feel James's head resting on my knees as he told me what happened. I could already hear the long talks behind the fireplace that we'd have and had had before. I could already see myself making dinner for the boys as I always had and seeing James's smile even more appreciative than the rest. I knew, already that, I'd lay with him and tuck him in with a kiss on the forehead each night of the coming winter. All that boy was looking for was a mother and she was dead.