Midterm

I saw the familiar 
rose-flush dust 
shoot from my 
fingertips,

the day 
I finally
decided
to snap out of it.

I had forgotten what lived inside me.

I snapped again 
at the 
worrywart hut
I'd created
for myself
to live in.

And again, once more
for all time
gone
to my mind's

incessant banter 
and going-on's 
with 
the 
flirty,
too flirty,
doubting Adonnis.

The fog was heavy,

in its resilience against my 
needs 
to get it right,

overtaking me in confusion,
making me forget

the reality
that lay beyond it.

Its grip was choking,

sending me reeling
through a 
soul-tainting realm

I hated 
I knew so well,

grasping 

for anything
to hold on to,

anything that 
looked 
like 

Life.

So,

with the moon
tonight,
I weep

for the many suns
sacrificed
to
Unbelief

and
the parts of me 
permitted to be
plagued 
by 

poison
and 
malpurpose.

Though, 
with the same tears,
I will thank my God
that I can at least
see
what lies
within me

and again, once more
while the moon is still bright

for the gift to feel 
remorse.