More Sugar And Salt Please

A real life story - An article on divorce - The impact on children.

More Sugar And Salt Please

An open wound in need of salt does not need sugar. It does not need the salt either but it is there if you want it.

Everyone who divorces will not be in favor of divorce. Many times it is the person who needs to “do their own thing” or to quote my ex-wife, “This is my time.” “I need to get out.” It was her time. We did divorce. It was not my idea but who am I but a component, a functionary, a block to her freedom in her design for doing her own thing. As an adult I understand that.

When you have children and you divorce, the salt is there for the open wound. This is their time too while mom is having “her time” and “doing her thing.” You can put all the sugar in the world on the situation but it still hurts the young ones and sometimes the wounds don't heal.

Fidelity is not just a word in the dictionary. Monogamy is not a kind of wood. Children who have parents who no longer stay together will be confused.

They may remain lost in the forest of divorce forever. Children are instructed and informed it is important for them to simply, “move on” from the condition or knowledge of the permanent separation of mom and dad. That sounds easy enough.

People change. Circumstances in life change. We all understand that. We read about the psychological and sociological behaviorists who are pretty much in accord regarding the “moving on....moving forward” principle of divorce. These professionals tell us that we, “the adults” should inform our children on serious matters only to the level of their curiosity, their ability to articulate their concerns and level of inquiry about such topics as divorce, sex, relationships and other adult things. We respond accordingly to their concerns in short sweet sentences. It makes good sense. It is wisdom to be sure.

I was one of the lucky ones. My parents stayed together for their entire life. They lived and died married to one another. I know that sounds preposterous in today's liberal world. I was fortunate enough to experience their love and care for humanity. The evidence is that I have a close loving bond with my sisters and my brother today and always. Yes. I am a very old man today. My sisters and brother are also old people. My parents made us right by their example. How do I impart that experience, that wisdom, that love to my children who have a divorced dad? How does any one teach their children the true meaning of life, the meaning of values when they are no longer in the picture? Victims are still victims even though they are children. They will never understand that divorced people are not bad people and there is more to life than just money. When my ex-wife says, “You are a nice guy but you are poor.” I can say no more.

Money, like integrity does not grow on a tree. Money does not and never did define us in our humanity. Integrity is another story.

More salt!....More sugar for my sugar please.

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

Your experiences mirror mine. Parents married until my Dad died. He absolutely adored my Mother. They had five children and I have very strong bonds with my siblings. I wasn't so lucky either when I married. My ex's moral compass lost to the wind. My only child suffered as a result of our divorce. I really regret that. Marriages today aren't built to last. Some people have no staying power. Your read interesting a d one which I could relate to Earl.

All good wishes

Chris

[Earl Schumacker]

Hi Chris,
Thank you for your comments and interest in my little article. I am rarely self indulgent. I did this more for and as a public service. People today seem to have little or no character. I am the middle child of 5 children. One of my sisters was murdered at a very young age. I am one of those people that you hear about who has an adventurous lif. People have tried to take my life and I have been in and experienced a lot of violence in my life. The strange thing is, I am the most peaceful person who ever lived. I am humble and simple. Go figure. We take what life has to offer us. I am very happy today. I am happy every day to simply be alive. Life is good. Have a wonderful day and a Happy New Year. Earl

[Chris Shaw]

You have certainly had more than your fair share of tragedy Earl. Also the fact that you have experienced much violence when you are a peaceful person yourself doesn't seem fair. But like you said, we have to take what comes. It's great to hear you are happy with your life. I hope you have a very happy New Year and I wish you all good things for 2019.

With best wishes
Chris