Detective Sam Cotton's Best Held Secrets

Wehn law, religion and children mix

Detective Sam Cotton's Best Held Secrets

A fratricide should be so easy. Who kills their dad or brother in cold blood? It is hard to find a good son these days. Certainly nowhere near heaven for sure and children seem to be hatched or born from some satanic socialist seed or egg somewhere in the depths of hell. This real estate called Earth really is the home of the devil.

One fine day on the Isle of Man in the UK, Sam Cotton was ordained a Catholic priest. He was educated and groomed from birth to be perfect. It was his destiny from the start to be protected with Holy water at Baptism and anointed with Holy Oil at his Confirmation. The water poured on his head made him a child of God when he was an infant. Years later, the oil placed on his forehead in the sign of the cross,placed there by the thumb of the regional cardinal, made him a soldier of Christ. He was willing and able to fight evil for the rest of his life from that point forward.

This is where things went off the rails and seriously wrong. This was all a sardonic twisted plot twenty years in the making. Sam never had the idea for one minute of becoming a man of God or person of the cloth. It was all a charade, a cover up, a covert action to hide his true identity and intent. Here is the genesis of his master plan in this matter; it all has to do with a legal covenant between all priest and God. A priest is held to a strict confidentiality rule in the sacrament of confession. Under no circumstance is he permitted to divulge to any living soul, what was said by the sinner to the priest in the confessional.

It is privileged information to the point of death, to the point of losing your mortal soul. Many priest throughout history have been tortured and martyred protecting the sacred unbreakable bond of this sacrament. It is a rule forged between God and man at the dawn of time. A priest is a sacred conduit, a direct channel to God, a direct open line, a mediator between God and man in the confessional booth.

Jesus gave St. Peter the keys to heaven before he was executed on the cross. He said to him,“Peter you are My rock and upon this rock I will build My church.” He also said to him, “Whose sins you shall forgive they are forgiven in heaven and whose sins you shall retain they are retained in heaven.”

At the moment of God speaking those words, Peter became the first pope and the first “Keeper of the faith” in the confessional.”

Father Sam Cotton had different ideas. He became a priest only as a disguise to cover the fact that he is in reality, first and foremost, an officer of the law. God may or may not even factor in the equation. Only the local government knew his secret. Detective Father Cotton was accomplished in both fields. There was another equally disturbing truth about the man. He was making babies with young prostitutes from Germany and Spain. His underage German girl friend gave birth to a healthy baby boy recently and he has another child age four living in Spain with some strange lady he happened upon in his travels. For security reasons the names of his girl friends and babies are not known or unavailable due to security reasons. The German girl gave the boy away to a local convent. The nuns would know what to do with him. She could not be distracted from her work in the service industry for some brat.

Father Cotton holds confession sessions every Saturday afternoon between the hours of 3:00 pm and 7:00 pm. in the Church Of The Holy Trinity on Baker Street. He makes himself available all hours of the day and night by appointment. The small community population on the Isle of Man have total confidence in Father Cotton. It is worth pondering whether they have equal confidence in Detective Cotton.

He keeps a recording device on at all times while hearing confessions. He blesses each and every soul entering and leaving his booth then makes a mad dash to the nearest telephone booth to call the police for full disclosure. The intimacy, the betrayal is so delicious, he has now sets up make shift confessional booths at the local grade schools and university for the students convenience.

The good news is; there are many rapists, killers and thieves behind bars sooner than usual due to the fine religious/legal efforts of Father Detective Cotton. The down side is; These same criminals are back out on the street within 24 hours due to the corrupt legal system. Bad people have easy access to bail bond businesses. Most of the business savvy evil doers have them on speed dial at a discount price.

It is a well established fact that Catholic priests are not permitted to marry. Facts have never gotten in the way of Cotton's actions. He took his German girl friend on vacation to the states, to Vegas, for some light gambling and an impromptu marriage in a small chapel. The service was conducted by an undertaker/real estate agent/self ordained pastor. He was a little fat man who spoke very little English and probably less of his own original language, whatever that might be.

Several years later while the detective was hard at work solving crimes and saving souls a young boy came up to him and said, “Father Cotton?” The detective priest looked at him and said, “Yes my brother?” The boy said, “You are my father.” “You are my daddy.” “The nuns told me I could find you here.” The priest said, “I call everyone brother or sister.”

At that point the boy pulled out a gigantic gun from his jacket and shot the holy detective through the heart and head. He aimed the gun to heaven and emptied the rest of the bullets into the ceiling of the church, while shouting at the top of his lungs, “That's for not sending me Christmas cards and presents on my birthdays!” A fratricide should not be so easy but it was. “Rest in peace you son a.......” at that moment sirens screamed and police rushed in before he could complete his sentence or reload.