I Love My Wife

Keeping a relationship together with commitment and attention to detail

I Love My Wife

I love my wife with claws so sharp

Tentacles sure to squeeze me tight

The fangs that sink into my heart

Consuming blood for pleasure

Keeping me alive vampire like for money

One eye positioned at the center of her head

Another one in back behind the hair

For good measure to watch me coming

And going from the past with attention to detail

A glare, like a lighthouse blinking out hope

A beacon from my giant uni-brow wife

Guiding me on to the right side of the rocks

Where crashes are inevitable up ahead

Nearer to heaven than one might expect

I know what is good but she knows better

It is best to keep ones mouth shut in front of honey

My one hump hunchback. Why not make it three

Through troubled waters she is still my wifie pooh

According to her decree and she is always creepy

Watching me from the back

Parting her hair in the middle just a little

Which is no small matter but a little scary

I don't really know her name but that's ok

She stands ten feet tall or better

Carries a machete in her iron clad hands

She is my two eyed wife with one in the front

And the other out back which is fine

So long as they both don't stare at the same time

Sometimes I'm afraid

I'm a man and men don't understand

It is better to do as she says because she is enormous

I love her because she is there

And she never misses with a knife

She is the misses and I am always in her sights

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

Ha ha Earl. Your woman here is no p***y cat. She is more like a lion with a terrifying roar. Of course you love your wife because if she suspects you don't, there's going to be a whole bucket load more trouble coming your way. Enjoyed the humour here. Happy New year to you.

Chris

[Earl Schumacker]

Hi Chris, As you might have guessed, this fictitious character in the poem is not and could not be my ideal woman. I prefer soft and gentle. Glad you enjoyed it. Nice to hear from you. Take care. Earl

[Chris Shaw]

A fun read and I enjoyed the humour Earl. All good things.

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahahahaha Earl my friend!! i am rolling in the aisle sir!! i absolutely love this and i do hear you man! i'm like ... there! someone has finally said it ... all of it ... if i were more courageous and thought the "missus" would gleen some humor from somewhere between those two eyes .. i would have my dumplin' read this .... but like you say ... she knows better ... and tells me so ... love this poem my friend .. great a marvelous humor and honesty ..
E.

[Earl Schumacker]

Hi E. Glad you enjoyed it. My wife is going to Costa Rica next week on business. I will miss her but more importantly, she will be missing me. That is, she will have to find another target while she is away so I am safe for the time being. Still, she is the misses and she doesn't miss a thing. Earl

[Einstein Noodle]

Bless you Earl .. its like hugging porcupines ... :) enjoy your week of bliss :))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Earl Schumacker]

Hi E. Thanks. In Florida today 1/9//20, there is still a law on the books stating that it is illegal to have sex with alligators and porcupines, It says nothing about cuddling so I guess we are safe. Earl

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahahaha i don't live in Florida :O

[Einstein Noodle]

i'm kind of scared to find out what is on the books for Arkansas :}