LOVE for YOU

1 In 6th

My love for you is fire

It sweeps me in an abyss

Still burning of pure desire

These feelings I can't dismiss

From a distance it's you I admire

Now lets seal the deal with a kiss

In time and space we move

Together forever it's a science

Without each other we'd lose

Our worlds would end like the Mayans

Your emotions I will never abuse

If love is killer than we're both dying

(Alternate 2nd Verse)

In time and space we move

Together forever it's a science

To anyone we have nothing to prove

Me and you are the ultimate alliance

Your heart i must and will behoove

Us against the world in pure defiance

Author's Note

I HAVE TO GET BACK ON MY HORROR WRITTING ASAP!!! I'M FEELING LIKE IVE BEEN GETING TOO SOFT!

Should I replace the original 2nd verse or keep it???

Reviews

[David Moreland]

This has the potential to be a beautiful love poem indeed. But it's not that yet. Words are still being used to hide, rather than reveal YOU, Jack - in this piece, you are still the mystery, the mystery man. You're the one we want to fall in love with. Love you back? I don't know which it is. But it's your poem, you're the poet and every poet I've known wants to be loved...at least for his or her work. They only use their work, their words, to show what they'll like for their lovers to see. Or not to see.

[kitty cat]

this peom is so romantence

[Britt Nicole]

Beautiful!!!!!!! Ah! So good! But yes, the second verse is a lot better!

[MsJewel]

I like the original second verse better. Your poem is beautiful The flow is perfect. Stunning, stunning poetry
:) Julie

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the second verse better. More realistic. I like the listing of two alternative endings. You are a talented writer. I read my poetry a-loud to ensure proper flow and thoughts. Writing is a life=time goal. To become the new Hemingway. You must live and learn than write.
Coyote

[Terry Collett]

The first stanza is good. Lose the upper case S in in Sweeps it distracts. The second stanza tends to lose its way, the alternative is a better choice. Overall a good poem.

[Sami Khalil]

A splendid read and write. Pen on if you will...:)................

[Jack Kennedy]

The 2nd verse is polarizing so I will keep like it this so YOU THE REVIWER can pick whichever one you like the best!!

[Saddam]

Without each other we'd lose
Our worlds would end like the Mayans
Your emotions I will never abuse
If love is killer than we're both dying.

Beautiful poetry. I love these lines. Great.

[Kasey Miriam]

Beautiful poem
Just one error it should read an abyss
Also on a side note your first stanza rhymes but the second does not

[Jack Kennedy]

I scribbled an alternate second verse down. Yiunthink I should replace it or keep it the way it is?

[Jack Kennedy]

You think*

[Kasey Miriam]

I like the alternate stanza better. It flows better than the original