The last two are Senryu style. These are more so about human nature and society. Haiku style are more about seasons or nature, dealing with either of these in anyway. Examples,
1. The leaves of Autumn
lovely gold and brown colors
painting the landscape
2. My piece is called, What Becomes Of A Weathered Haiku. You can read it if you want.
I think it''s alot easier to write a senryu than hiaku, it's more freer in that you can write about anything as long as it's the 5 7 5 syllable rule each line. I have quite a few of the senryu pieces if you want to read those too. You'll know by it having the name in the title fully or some part of the word there or joined with another word.
In the first poem, acrostic, the line, Into my heart you belong. You could say since heart is already there below it, use 'world' instead to change it up a bit without using the same word twice. In certain cases depending on what it's about, what you're conveying or your writing can you or is ok use a word like that more than once. As long as you try to captivate the reader. But thought here you could do without it repeating.
The forth, Shape Style Poetry it is not and is more of an Acrostic poem (I get what you were trying to do though and is a another great piece). Would be instead of the repeating letters as this,
Sorry for what I have done to you.
Only you can forgive me.
Real love could surpass this.
Rest your heart on mine again.
You won't ever have to worry.
Shape style poetry or Shape poems starts with the O by itself, then describes what your talking about, can rhyme and other such ways and as far as I have seen are not too too long as this example,
(my own thought up quick)
O
Nuts are for eating
squirrels eat them all the time
how scrumptious to the taste
I can never get enough of them
they are my favorite to eat
Roundelet is spelled as Rondelet. It's french and you did a great job with it, written the right way.
And lastly the septolet, I would change this, And yours only, to something else. It needs that break and this doesn't being the exact as the top. Otherwise both fab pieces.
I hope this helps you in the future. Sorry I wrote so long here. Otherwise these are all WONDERFUL pieces. :o)
And don't worry about confusion and all. That's the best part about writing is you can be free in your writes as long as someone can at least understand it mostly or all, be relative, relate to it and so forth. Or you follow certain guidelines as the ones above or others not stated written in your own way.
Skillfully written. This line: "A resistance I would of reckoned" needs a little thinking about. Might not be incorrect, but repositioned, flipped, rephrased - you'll know it when you hear it! for me, the line is too long, slows the piece down; just taking out the "I would of" improves it for me.
Love how you express "stages" with the poetic type, ""Septolet Style Poem Style Poem" / Maniac / Stalking women / In the distance, / Waiting" is brilliant. You'll be amazed if you copy that line and googled it!
A little editing can do. Never idolize what you write to the point where you are unwilling to cut, scalpel or sword. I would cut quite a few lines; surely don't need "Another Septolet Poem." One was satisfying enough. If this next one you offer does not rise above the first, it's a bummer. It's a bummer.
"Shape Style Poetry" is beautiful. Even before beginning to read the piece, that drew me. Couldn't wait to reach it, don't slow me down with silly, unnecessary lines - dribble!
Getting there, to this point was worth all my restrain. I'll say, it was erotic, poetically erotic. I love it, Jack! Perfect word selection: SORRY, and all else that accompany it. Now go back and get the ... equal, eclipses, whatever they are, they should be equal in every line - or it is distracting, it distracts me. Yes, I am easily distracted even by one dot (.) too many or one dot (.) too short. Your audience is a very picky one. That's why they read poetry instead of watching TV.
And believe it or not, I can do without the first Haiku. "Another Haiku Poem" should be "A Haiku Poem" and the penultimate trashed.
Yes, writing good, like good writing, is hard work.
Hey Jack! I'm glad you requested that I read these. Overall, I like each one for different reasons, and I think it's brave of you to attempt writing each one (none of these poetry forms are easy, in my opinion!).
I did notice a few structural and grammatical errors in some of them. In the "Rondelet Poem," as I understand it, lines 4, 5, and 6 are all supposed to have 8 syllables, and the line "Grabs me by my throat" only has 5. Then, in the line "A resistance I would of reckoned," that's 9 syllables, and also "of" should be "have." And the line after that only has 7 syllables.
I apologize if I'm so nitpicky, but perhaps the fact that you were attempting to do so many different poetry forms in one poem made it overly difficult, as some of the reviews below said.
Perhaps, if you want to keep working on form poetry like this, I would count the syllables very carefully before you publish them, or double-check whatever "rules" are supposed to work with that kind of poem.
It also might be better if you split each of these up into different poems, but that's up to you. In spite of all my criticism here, I do like the themes of each poem, and again, I admire your creativity and guts for even attempting them at all!!
Keep on writing, and keep challenging yourself, dude.
An experiment with various forms of poetry. Word play exercises. I found them fun to read.
Remember that even in the world of creative poetry, an occasional grammar mistake will stand out unless it appears intentional or has a structure or message-related purpose. Simple is powerful and you've captured that well in each piece.
Peace.
It was daring of you to mash all of these styles together into one poem, but sometimes that's how a great dish is made - adding things together that you might not expect. It's interesting, too, because I wasn't even familiar with some of these styles of poetry, so you've educated me. :) Over all, very well done.
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Thank you I'm working on another entry but with mostly the senryu style used but I feel a need to us.. read moreThank you I'm working on another entry but with mostly the senryu style used but I feel a need to use the Tyburn style but for me its so so difficult!!! And thanks again for the review
I think you've got several styles of poem covered, excellently, one style missing is the limerick; "There once was a girl from Nantucket, who kept her dreams in a bucket; one day the bucket was empty, her dreams had leaked out on the freeway; she exclaimed, "I'm dreamless, so suck it! Okay, that limerick doesn't make any sense; I mean, who is supposed to be the sucker, and what exactly are they sucking? I just made the lines rhyme, give me a break!
First, never apologize for you styling as it is yours to command.
Secondly, mixing so many differing styles along a central theme and weaving together multiple smaller pieces into a greater whole is something to be proud of. It works well, flows well in tune to the subject and paints a picture with differing styles without losing the reader.
Kudos here - I would like to see this done again sometime.
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My name is Jack Kennedy and I like t.. more..