I Wish I Could Explain

This poem is more or less about how my life is going right now.

I wish I could explain  
What it is that hurts 
When I’m alone  
When I’m on the outskirts 
 
I don’t belong 
Next to them 
They’re all too good 
And I don’t belong next to ‘em 
 
But I smile and stay 
Pretend I’m okay 
When really I’m 
having a bad day 
 
But they can’t see 
The pain I hide 
The way I’m dying 
Slowly inside 
 
And I won’t tell them 
Then I would only be a bother 
Just like I was 
Was to my father 
 
I don’t understand 
Why I’m sad 
Maybe it’s because  
I’m hiding my mad 
 
I’ll never know 
Why they split 
I guess its ‘cause 
I was a misfit 
 
But I’ll never understand 
Why they quit  
It hurt a lot 
I’ll admit 
 
But they don’t care  
They never will 
They wouldn’t care 
If I was killed 
 
But in this group 
Where I sit 
They say they care 
When I want to quit 
 
I don’t know why 
They’re here for me 
Because all I bring 
Is misery 
 
But they’re still here 
To show me love 
To say they care 
No matter how far away I shove 
 
It’s amazing how 
They care so much 
When we’ve never met 
Touch to touch 
 
Maybe one day 
I’ll see them really 
And then I’ll say 
That we’re silly 
 
Because so long  
We’ve shown care 
To each other  
Together we’ll stay, I declare 
 
One small thought 
Still remains 
In my head 
It causes pains  
 
That one thing 
Is repeated 
All it says “You should be deleted.” 
Everyday, it leaves me defeated 
 
Because it means 
I do not fit  
In this group 
Where I sit  
 
Today is my last day 
Because I quit 
In this life 
So today I commit 
 
My one last note 
Says goodbye 
To all my friends 
They probably won’t cry  
 
And that’s okay 
I say, but I lie 
It’s just a confimation 
That I should die 
 
And soon I do 
As I visit the bridge 
A tear slips past  
As I jump from the ridge 
 
One last thought 
plays in my mind  
‘You stupid girl, 
They were being kind.’

Reviews

[Bryad Polis Valentino]

So much to say, so much pain. What you need is someone who will listen to you and mend those wounds, to be honest with you. Good musings, though.